Haha, 1st true love to happen in my lifetime. Enjoy reading.

Zeph=3 · 2009-11-14T02:04:14-01:00

Listen to Sakura Biyori while you read this, I think it'll help to get my feelings across. Most of us have had people we have loved, whether it was reciprocoal(?) or not. Well this time, Zephy-chan has fallen for someone. Love hurts. It does. Everytime I think that this certain person will hate me or dislike me in some way, my heart hurts. I feel depressed for a longer time than I normally do. And normally, I'm only depressed for 1-5 minutes. But when that person seems to give me hints that I'm embarrassing to them or dislikes something that I've done, I'm depressed for hours. It's painful. It really is. But that's the price to pay with love. I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be in love with this person. I do not doubt my love, I somewhat doubt my confidence to try to fully gain or find out his. This person may not hate me or think bad of me in any way, but you know, when it involves someone you love, you get too involved and start thinking too much, and get really emotional. And a bitter coating on top of that, for me, is when people who notice I'm acting strangely ask, "Are you okay?" It's like when I get hurt, I don't cry at the pain, but when someone asks if I'm okay, I begin to cry rivers. I think I might have fallen too hard for this special person. I don't even know if he loves me back. He may say something that sounds like something along the lines of liking me, but I don't feel any affection from them. Like he's saying it just because he doesn't want to see me sad and he doesn't want to make our current relationship awkward. And to be honest, I think I will cry if I lost the person.(As an example of "losing him", it would be something like, me never getting a chance to confess to him face-to-face or him rejecting me.) Maybe for an hour, maybe for a minute. But I'm that serious about love, just as much as you all might be. Maybe it'd be nice if he really did love me tons more than I do to him, but for now I don't know. Love is confusing. It's confusing, hard, and painful. But it takes lots of work to get it. I'm actually extremely happy that I've felt something I've never felt before, even if the opposite party may not love me back. I'm thankful for this feeling. Being in love with someone, has led me to experience a few worthwhile things. So to wrap this up, all I can say is: love takes its toll. You're happy then sad, then a bunch of other emotions come and hop onto the roller coaster. Just when you think that you are in a mutual love, fate comes and sticks an obtacle inbetween. I know I'm putting a big emphasis on the fact that I'm not even sure if he likes me, but it's true. That's just something really important that is always at the back of my mind. But even so, I still love him. I know almost nothing about him and vice versa, but I still love him. I long for him, but I don't think we could ever get together. But this is where my somewhat negative thoughts stop. I then start thinking about all of the other possibilities. Like, he may secretly love me, he loves me but it's hard to show it, or even something as crazy as he's loved me ever since we met; love at first sight. I've got to keep thinking that he loves me, or else it won't ever happen. I've got to pick my head up and look forward to seeing him each day. I've got to... Or else I may never get another chance. Maybe we will be lovers someday, have kids, or something like that. But work ultimately comes before happiness, no? So I've got to aim for it with all of my might. P.S. After typing this, I feel much better. It has let a load off of my heart and shoulders. Venting is good. That is all. Oh wait. I lied. also, just as to confirm this; by "1st true love" in the title, I meant that it was the first time I have loved someone so much. Not that I was in love and being all lovey-dovey with someone

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lol01

15 years ago

zeph-chan did you just depressed about that guy don't love you!! until you write happy times,your difficulties,young flower!! don't depressed about it,the one to decide that isn't the status,mood,emotion,the one who decides that is you...if you wish for it,nothing is impossible or you can do it.....if you love him it up to you could make him love you!!because this is reality,you can make it easy! I'm sorry if my word is to rude or harsh to you maybe what i say is mistake but i just wanted to help you!! if you ever lose faith all of us will help you,right everyone!!! you can,I'm rooting for ya!! we're always be here for you!!

Zeph=3

15 years ago

@DrKay

^__^ I know. I think I know as much as others about the downside of love. I've experienced it a ton of times. I was just writing about how much I love him, is that so bad? And you are right. We are in that whole "should I or shouldn't I?" phase. But I am going to confront him and tell him. Except that he's on break, so I can't see him as much. He's not a complete "dumb*ss" but he can be oblivious to some things, as are we all. He probably does know a bit about me liking him, but then again, there goes that "Should I or should'nt I?" thing. Still, thanks for reminding me that love isn't always so cheerful!

Spoiler:

@Lol01
I wasn't depressed. I only get depressed when my heart hurts, and it hasn't hurt for weeks. I can honestly say that I was happy while writing about it. ^^ I just felt the need to vent that feeling...!!! >:3

Spoiler:

lol01

15 years ago

sorry not depressed it afraid wrong text!! didn't check about it!!

asaforever The Lord of Butts!

15 years ago

I wish you best of luck Zeph-chan. I hope you can get a hold of that person that makes your heart skip a beat.

Remilia

15 years ago

So nice to see you write thi,s Zeph. ^_^

I am really proud that you took the courage to vent and best of luck with your love. I am sure he will like you as well if he finds out! :3

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