Rude Jokes

hehe

Vegeta can't screw in a light bulb. 1, he's too short, and 2, he would crush it screaming IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND before he got the chance.

ok heres a small joke my friend told me today.

Your mom is like a bus. Shes big and smelly and only cost 2.50 to ride.

Another one is...

Your chest is so flat your making the walls jealous.

Here's another yo momma joke, you're moms like geico so easy even a caveman can do it. >_> Got it on yo mama the show

Bob complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should should see a doctor."
His friend said, "don't do that! there's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper then a doctor. simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you waht you can do about it. It only costs five dollars.' Bob figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he pured in the sample and deposited the five dolars. the computer started making some noises and lights started flashing. after a while out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:


you have tennis elbow
soak your arm in warm water
avoid heavy labour
it will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this was and how it would change medical science for ever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. he decided to give it a try. he mixed together some tap waterm a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. to top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. he went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the five dollars. the machine again made the usual noise and printed out the following analysis:

your tap water is too hard
get a water softener
your dog has worms
give him vitamins
your daughter's on drugs
put her in rehab
your wife's pregnant
it ain't yours...get a lawyer
and if you don't stop jerking off
your tennis elbow will never get better.

a child comes home from school and finds his mom and dad making love with mum on top,bouncing up and down. he says, "mom what are you doing?"
"i'mm flattening dad's tummy," replies the mother.
"don't bother," says the child,"because when you go out to work the maid will just come in as usual and blow it back up again."

three brittish institutions were commissioned by the government to discover why the penis is shaped as it is. Oxford spent 500 over two years. they concluded that the head is wider then the shaft so that it fits better to prevent leakage and increase chances of fertilization. Cambridge spend three years and 750 to show that the head is wider because it maximizes the number of nerves stimulated during intercourse; this leads to increased sensitivity and a better chance of impregnation. the open university sent 2.50 on a copy of playboy and ten minutes in the staff toilet to discover that the penis widens at the tip to prevent the hand from slipping off the end.

a condom company wanted to know how many condoms to put into a box, so they did a survey. they asked an American how many there should be. he said seven. when asked why he said Monday, Tuesday , Wednesday, etc.
then they asked a Frenchman how any there should be. He answered nine. when asked why he said Monday, Tuesdays Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, two on Saturday and two on Sunday.
and finally the company asked an Englishman how many there should be. he said twelve. the company was astonished and asked why. the English guy said January, February, march.......