So, how to get girlfriend un-scared of sex?

Figured it was safe to ask here, since noone in RL knows I use fakku, and it has a section for this ;_;

Anyway, situation is as follows: Currently dating a lovely girl, whom I like a lot, and who likes me. Problem is, she is (and remains as of this post) a virgin. Obviously, I would like to change that (sooner or later, she's worth waiting for).

The problem is, she's scared of sex. Curious, but scared: when she was studying English, she watched Sex and the City, but skipped over the nasty bits since it made her uncomfortable. She's not comfortable with the idea of watching adult videos/hentai (she saw a cousin watching softcore, and pretty much ran from the room).

So, how does one broach the topic? I've been hoping she'll get comfortable with the idea of sex over time and as we spend more time together, but I haven't noticed any progress. I don't want to force her, as she'd probably just curl up into a ball and not enjoy it one bit (tip: if you want lots of sex from your girlfriend, she has to enjoy it). I figure the worst thing I could do would be to ruin her first time.

I was considering hentai,since she loves anime and manga, and especially enjoys fanfiction (gay fanfiction, too). Should I encourage her to focus on the erotic bits of fanfiction? Are there any other ways to make girls open to the idea of sex, without applying pressure? Kind of at a loss her, never had a virgin girlfriend before T_T

Time to get the handcuffs gag-ball and the rape stick.

I did ask her about that, she said she had done it once or twice, but that was it (whether it felt good or not was met with a prompt slap and some sulking). When we make out, she has no problems with most foreplay, and I've even felt her get wet through her jeans, so I don't think it's a pleasure problem, more of a comfort issue.
I think the reason why she is scared is simply lack of knowledge; her parents basically haven't told her anything, and the closest thing to sex ed was biology class. She said her feelings were basically twofold: first, a bit curious, but secondly, just scared and not comfortable with the idea. How do I get her to become more comfortable with the idea, when she seems to be averse to the very idea of becoming more comfortable and learning more?

How did you bring it up? She has no problem discussing sex academically, but if I try to talk to her directly, she just gets really red in the face and says that she isn't as open as I am, and doesn't think it's appropriate to talk about sex that openly, and chalks it up to "cultural differences". I asked her if she was simply not ready yet, and she said it wasn't a matter of time or closeness, but rather herself. Perhaps it really is just she's not ready yet (though she is 21, and it's been a year, and we've done everything everything it's possible to do with pants on (mine and hers), even though she says otherwise?

In full agreement about not pushing too hard. I do consider it essential for a healthy relationship, though, and the fact I use fakku demonstrates I do actually have quite a libido. So I can't completely forget about it....


Edit: For videos or books, is there anything you'd recommend? She's read enough fanfiction to know how sex generally works, and I've never heard of a useful sex-ed video (though there was a great video on how to give a girl better oral sex I found awhile back, but I doubt that's what she needs).
Edite #2: The problem with talking to her directly or indrectly is openness issues; she and most of her friends consider sex shameful enough not to talk about it too much in detail.

let her take her time.......or.....

Ugh, quotation nightmare!
I'm a year older than she is. She's 21, so no pedo-ness.
She's Japanese-Chinese,grew up in Japan, and went to an all-girl's high school, and didn't have much contact with the opposite sex before going abroad. I doubt she has too many body issues; she's like 163cm and 50kg(not certain on the weight :P) and has a D-cup which apparently gave her a lot of grief from flatter chested classmates (hilarious exchange between her and her A-cup roommate: Roommate: "Your boobs are so large, don't you know girls with large breasts are dumber?" Girlfriend: "Well, your IQ is about as obvious as your breasts!") She has no problems with her roommates and female friends (all Japanese, our university has quite a few Japanese undergrads, despite being large state U). Just came from a *very* conservative family, and besides reading yaoi fanfiction, just not much exposure. I have a had time believing, it seemed like Japan was filled with adult video stores when I went there...but I guess its possible to live there for 20 years and *not* see a pornographic film?).
So yeah, culturally she had the ultra-strict Japanese dad and a really conservative Chinese mom, who never told her anything besides "sex is best avoided". Culturally, you guys probably know Japanese culture better than anyone(I'm not qualified to be an otaku yet), so maybe you could provide some insight.

I agree with everyone that talking, and slow exploration is definitely the best way to go about it. She's fine with a little petting, but anything below the waist is a no-no. I suppose I should rephrase my question: what is the best way to talk about it? How do you begin exploring without sounding like a pervert? Should I bring it up when we're both just hanging out chatting, or while making out? I'm worried that if I try to bring it up while we're making out (i.e. while she is getting excited), it'd be harder to have a rational conversation.
In other words, how exactly does one best talk about it? I still have a bit of a language barrier, otherwise I'd be reading mostly Japanese instead of coming to Fakku for side-by-side English/Japanese, so that's also a problem, that I'm working on overcoming. Also, Ziggy, when you were exploring, how did you guys start? She seems fine with upper-body exploration and petting, but anything lower-body to her screams "sex", sort of like an iron-curtain, not as much flexibility there.


Well, there I should clarify. She doesn't get violent at all, more just sulk, and sort of play-slap or pretend to choke me. It's kind of cute; in terms of physical strength, she has trouble pushing open the doors at the library. It's pretty cute actually, but her violent tendencies are mostly just joking, or covering up her embarassment. Not actually violent, but a play-slap means "You crossed the line, I'm not comfortable discussing this".