So, how to get girlfriend un-scared of sex?
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drsteve1970 wrote...
Ziggy wrote...
I think the best thing to do is one, like lots of people have stated - talk to her about it. In other words, how exactly does one best talk about it? I still have a bit of a language barrier, otherwise I'd be reading mostly Japanese instead of coming to Fakku for side-by-side English/Japanese, so that's also a problem, that I'm working on overcoming. Also, Ziggy, when you were exploring, how did you guys start? She seems fine with upper-body exploration and petting, but anything lower-body to her screams "sex", sort of like an iron-curtain, not as much flexibility there.
Try to bring it up when you are alone and somewhere private, but before any real kissing/petting gets started.
Also try, at least in the beginning, to approach the conversation very scientifically. This makes the sex talk less personal for her, while you can still have a good talk about both your thoughts about sex. This can be a really good way to identify any fears she may have which contributes to her fear of sex.
I know from personal experience that this works quite well since both my previous girl friends were virgins when I meet them and relatively lacking in the sex-knowledge department. No matter how shy the girl is, then it is hard to ague against facts and general sex ed. information. This will kind of "force" her to listen to you, even if she is very shy or emberrest about sex/ sex talk.
Just remember to keep it simple, wait with the ideas you get from fakku until later ;)
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Brittany
Director of Production
drsteve1970 wrote...
I agree with everyone that talking, and slow exploration is definitely the best way to go about it. She's fine with a little petting, but anything below the waist is a no-no. I suppose I should rephrase my question: what is the best way to talk about it? How do you begin exploring without sounding like a pervert? Should I bring it up when we're both just hanging out chatting, or while making out? I'm worried that if I try to bring it up while we're making out (i.e. while she is getting excited), it'd be harder to have a rational conversation.
In other words, how exactly does one best talk about it? I still have a bit of a language barrier, otherwise I'd be reading mostly Japanese instead of coming to Fakku for side-by-side English/Japanese, so that's also a problem, that I'm working on overcoming. Also, Ziggy, when you were exploring, how did you guys start? She seems fine with upper-body exploration and petting, but anything lower-body to her screams "sex", sort of like an iron-curtain, not as much flexibility there.
Well, I was never afraid of sex. The difference between your girlfriend and myself is that I'm very curious about the human anatomy. Even today, I'll randomly ask the most weird and sometimes too personal questions to Fpod. Luckily he's gotten used to it and doesn't put much thought into why I'd ask such a question anymore and just answers it.
The reason I didn't want to be touched while I was a virgin was simply due to pure insecurity. I wasn't ready to let my first boyfriend lay eyes on my naked body yet.
How things started was simply my aggressiveness when it comes to sexual matters. We were sitting on a futon together, and I was exploring his lap to see what a penis would feel like, so I petted him through his pants. He asked me if I wanted him to take it out after I got to his boxers, and I said no. I think I just literally drove him nuts (not intentionally) because I wasn't sure I wanted to feel a guys junk directly. While I was petting him through his boxers he just had it 'slip out' and I still remember gasping at the sudden feeling of hot skin against my hand. But after the shock wore off I was able to continue playing more directly and exploring.
It's not a matter where you should sit down with your girlfriend and say "Okay, so I wanted to let you know that you can explore my body if you'd like." because that would most likely make her feel even more insecure. But if you're ever sitting together and petting does occur, try to take the submissive role and let her be in control. Or maybe give her a little shock like my ex gave me. While you're making out, take her hand and place it over your erection through your pants. Let her be aware of her actions. She'll gasp most likely but just keep your hand on hers to let her feel it. You could tell her it's alright and that she makes you feel nice. But after you think the shock is over on her, take your hand away and if she doesn't, good. Let her explore. If she does - well, you still made progress with her ;p
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jenslyn wrote...
Try to bring it up when you are alone and somewhere private, but before any real kissing/petting gets started.
Also try, at least in the beginning, to approach the conversation very scientifically. This makes the sex talk less personal for her, while you can still have a good talk about both your thoughts about sex. This can be a really good way to identify any fears she may have which contributes to her fear of sex.
I know from personal experience that this works quite well since both my previous girl friends were virgins when I meet them and relatively lacking in the sex-knowledge department. No matter how shy the girl is, then it is hard to ague against facts and general sex ed. information. This will kind of "force" her to listen to you, even if she is very shy or emberrest about sex/ sex talk.
Just remember to keep it simple, wait with the ideas you get from fakku until later ;)
Tried this last night, worked fairly well I guess ^_^ Turns out is really is just a time issue; she feels having sex after dating for such a short period of time is something only a slut would do. Guess I just have to wait; good thing she's worth waiting for ^^
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drsteve1970 wrote...
Turns out is really is just a time issue; she feels having sex after dating for such a short period of time is something only a slut would do. Guess I just have to wait; good thing she's worth waiting for ^^Great to hear that you talked it through :)
I must say that I admire you for being willing to wait for so long. You stated that it had already been a year, and if it was me that would be around my breaking point (max time I have ever waited for a girl was a full year), since I have needs and when I am with a girl I really like then the need to be with her is insanely strong.
Hope it works out with you two :)
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jenslyn wrote...
drsteve1970 wrote...
Turns out is really is just a time issue; she feels having sex after dating for such a short period of time is something only a slut would do. Guess I just have to wait; good thing she's worth waiting for ^^I must say that I admire you for being willing to wait for so long. You stated that it had already been a year, and if it was me that would be around my breaking point (max time I have ever waited for a girl was a full year), since I have needs and when I am with a girl I really like then the need to be with her is insanely strong.
Pff... I had to wait a lot longer then a year...
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Meh with a lot of people it's just because they feel heavily awkward in such situations I know I do
