what not to say during a funeral

The things I do for your entertainment.

-Alright people, there are fire works in the casket that will go off in about *looks at watch* 10 seconds. Enjoy the show!

-I'm going to come back here at night and give his ghost a nice butt fucking.

-I'll pay 1,000 bucks if you make his gravestone look like a dildo.

-With a tiny dick like that, no wonder he killed himself.

-Imagine this asshole comes back as a zombie.

-How awesome would it be if we put him on some strings and do some ventriloquist shit.

-Don't close that casket just yet; I want to grab a titty before I leave.

-Let's dress him up as Barney before burying him.

-Did he shit his pants when he died?

-You should drain his blood so the vampires don't steal the body.

-Cry faster assholes, God of War 3 came out today!

-Did anyone else know she had an anal probe?

-Fuck tradition, let's mummify the fucker!

-I'm sorry for your husband's death Margaret. Are you going to keep his dick?

-Oh shit, I didn't know he would die if I shot him!

-Looks like somebody won't be getting presents from santa this year.

I rule all of you!

i think on that note rbz is too good for us. XD i guess rbz wins.

*rises from the coffin* "Surprise!"

Why bother dressing him up, not like hes gonna get cold or anything.

"Who the hell put that Afro on him?"
"I told him he couldn't outrun that car..."
"'Don't worry' He said 'The tigers are sleeping' he said...ugh, why'd I come to your funeral, anyway?...No offense to you Mrs. Hicks."

-well i guess thats one bet i wont get the money from. *sigh*
-well shit. you mean i wasted $5 in gas to get here and he only died from a heart attack. what a crock of shit.
-well thats enough of looking at some dead tits, who wants to go see som live ones with me?
-damn i told him viagra and his bad heart was a bad combonation, im mean just look the casket just wont shut right.

:lol:

Wait a minute that S.O.B. still owes $20.

I woke up sucking on lemons, when I found her dead.

"The casket is rigged to explode when they lower it." *prances away giggling*

now that is a FTW.

"Why the hell is everyone crying? its not as if any one died"
*looks down*
"Oh..."

"I wonder if they sell hotdogs here?"

"I knew your husband for many years, serving me every night when my wife was out, boy, he sure does good S&M play." (gay joke intended)

*Big yawn* "can anyone shut the priest up? im trying to sleep here.'

"Fred was a good man, a good husband, but a very poor hostage, we told him not to panic but he did. Stupid motherfucker, deserved the bullet"

"hey lets sneak into the coffin for a quickie"

"thats the last time we put a real bullet on a gun while playing Russian Roulette"

another one to go with russian rullete

"What are the odds that he would've picked the chamber with the bullet in?"

"Damn, i knew that we should'nt have got the automatic to play russian roulette."

"We evened the odds by placing all the bullet in the gun, that way everyone wins"

"He said he wanted to know what a bullet looks like when it exits the gun, so i obliged him."

"He didn't want to play and I told him 'Oh, come on. What are the chances you'll get the chamber with the bullet in it?'...Oops."

"I placed bullets in all six chambers, but forgot to tell him before we started."

"this is kind of embarrasing, but i seemed to mixed up the bible with this weeks playboy magazine."-priest

"Wait, its a she? dear god shes ugly."

"Wait, a funeral? i thought this was a strip club, no wonder everyone looks down."

"What!!!, this sunavabitch left me out of the will? so i poisoned him for no reason."