Why I don't do well in relationships.

I don't know about you guys maybe someone knows what it is like for me but the thing is, I don't do well in relationships, Romantic ones anyway. I'm a very romantic person(take a look at most of my stories, and you'll get it) But I have a slight problem. Whenever I get romantically close to someone I really like I turn into a blithering idiot. It has caused me so much trouble. I happens whenever I see an attractive girl, I just loose my calm cool composure and say something stupid.

The profile you just painted yourself reminds me of the many hapless male leads in romance-comedy anime who always screws the situation up with the girl he likes. (Urashima Keitaro comes to the mind.) I've never been in a personal relationship nor actively pursued one. What I can say is that maybe you should expose yourself to those of the opposite sex and get familiar with dealing with women. That's the only solution I can come with for now, seeing how you tend to ruin the mood by saying or doing something stupid in front of the girl you like. With experience comes confidence, and you'll have to build up your confidence. If that ain't the case, read up on the many love/dating manuals/magazines that are all over the net. I'm sure they've got tons of advice on how to advance on a girl.

That's just it. I'm around women all day, 95% of the people I work with are female. I've no problem with them because I'm comfortable around them, knowing that I'm in a professional atmosphere. The only time I'm ever really relaxed around someone when I'm not at work is when I'm buzzed at the bar.

Then it's a matter of stating your real feelings honestly. In retrospect, it's all about how you approach the situation, and in your case, you oughta know what you want to say and what you need to say with pure honest feelings. I don't wanna delve into the human psyche, but I figure this is a case of dealing with your own inner demons than anything else, that being the concept of opening up your true self to someone you want to spend your life with, but at the same time scared of rejection or a afraid of a venture into unknown territory.

Do you tense up whenever you are around attractive woman?

I can relate. Usually I am very confident around women, but recently I walked into one of my classes on the first day, sat down next to a girl who I kind of knew through some other friends, and was COMPLETELY blown away by her with the first few words out of her mouth. All of my established confidence and comfort being around women completely went out the window, like you said, I turned into a "blithering idiot".

Now it's a month or so later and we talk a lot outside of class, but I am still completely into her. I don't think our relationship will go in the direction I would like for it to, but I am going to keep trying.

Here are some thoughts may help. The majority of the time when I start getting involved with a girl, I lose interest early on. Not because they are boring or unattractive, but because the "thrill of the chase" disappears. This mostly happens after the first hook up, my thought process is "Mission Accomplished", and I mentally move on. However, every single time I am involved with a girl and accomplishing that goal becomes difficult, I get hung up on them and really start to crush bad which 90% of the time results in me failing. I think girls are the same way deep down. They think "OK this guy is a sure thing if I ever need something, I don't need to put forth any effort" instead of "I really like this guy and I don't know if he likes me, but I want him to".

What it comes down to is just have confidence. Even if you don't think highly of yourself at all, have confidence. And if you need to, convince yourself that you are confident.

It's not that I'm not confident in myself, I flirt with random girls that I don't even know, It's when I get to know them, that it becomes a problem.

Maybe it is fear that you might seem boring to women? Or fall in the ever-feared "FRIEND ZONE"

Boring? No I've a knack to make people laugh, which is good. Friend Zone yes.

You do know that being in a romantic relationship is essentially being in the friend zone while having sex. It really is "Having your cake and eating it out"

My best advice is treat women that you want to get romantically involved with like a friend, you know, relaxed, learn to womanize women that you only wanna fuck, and learn the difference between the two.


You do know the difference, right?

Yes I do but I've not met the one pr say. and would it not be "Having your pie and eating it out?"

You do know that woman that you just look at and go "THAT IS THE ONE" is a woman that you are attracted to purely out of lust, right?

Yes. I try to think with my head and not with my "head". But sometimes my "head" likes to take control.

All men are constantly locked in battle between large head and small. It's the reality of how we live. Some might argue that being gay would remove this problem, but really, it would just change the object that you argue over.

Anyway, just become a complete dick, and you'll be fine.

Actually sometimes I was flat out 100% gay
why?

Because more men know the difference between lust and love than women.

You can just flat out ASK a guy for no strings sex. With women, it is a fucking lot trickier.

I guess. You CAN just ask women for no strings sex, but it doesn't usually work. You have to lie and trick them and things like that, and I don't have time for that sort of shit. I have a job, man.

The "FRIEND ZONE" is like an abyss. Once you are there. Nobody can hear you scream.

Angelus I know exactly where you are coming from. I used to turn into a blithering idiot as well. Especially, one of those cliche' male leads in T.V. shows.

If you are finding yourself becoming scattered when you talk (You forget what you wanted to say,etc) then just bite your tongue and take a second to collect your thoughts and yourself. The problem here is confidence. You body is hitting the panic button. If you don't show personal confidence then women will lose interest. Women hate men who aren't confident in themselves.

If your tongue refuses to obey your brain the try practicing what you want to say to get the muscle memory down. One problem here is that if it seems to rehearsed then it'll come across as being fake.



It's easier to have a Ménage à trois or a Polyamory style relationship. Instead of a no strings attached relationship. My involvement with a couple of those basically sealed the door on a girl that I am romantically interested in.

I take it there are not alot of women that frequently check out this site...
I happen to be a girl, and to tell you the truth, some women have the same problem you do.
If I see someone I really like, I have no idea how to respond, and usually make a huge fool of myself, yet I am a hugely romantic person.
:?

Seems like we would be perfect for each other :lol: