Mental Illness
2
I have type 1 bipolar disorder (which means I get the full blown manic episodes, and not only hypomania) with cycles that last for up to 6 months or even more.
6 months of being so hyper you can't even do the same thing for 5 minutes, so hyper that whenver you are alone or bored you go into full panic attack (including shaking, nausea, trouble breathing) until you find someone or something to occupy your mind, 6 months of being so out of control is almost seems you're going out of your way to destroy your own life...
and then 6 months of wanting to stay home and never see ANYONE because everybody seems so mean and stupid, 6 months of crying everynight because it feels as though you're alone in the world and nobody will ever understand (no matter how stupid and cliche and emo 13 years old you know that is) and wanting to curl up in a ball and stay like this forever in a place when no one can ever disagree with you, or annoy you, or make the slightest noise.
I am med free, and have been for a very long time, but honestly, I do not know how long I can last, lol. Maybe I'll give in and ask for medication eventually, but...
besides everything I just said, I think I'm handling it well.
6 months of being so hyper you can't even do the same thing for 5 minutes, so hyper that whenver you are alone or bored you go into full panic attack (including shaking, nausea, trouble breathing) until you find someone or something to occupy your mind, 6 months of being so out of control is almost seems you're going out of your way to destroy your own life...
and then 6 months of wanting to stay home and never see ANYONE because everybody seems so mean and stupid, 6 months of crying everynight because it feels as though you're alone in the world and nobody will ever understand (no matter how stupid and cliche and emo 13 years old you know that is) and wanting to curl up in a ball and stay like this forever in a place when no one can ever disagree with you, or annoy you, or make the slightest noise.
I am med free, and have been for a very long time, but honestly, I do not know how long I can last, lol. Maybe I'll give in and ask for medication eventually, but...
besides everything I just said, I think I'm handling it well.
0
i have bipolar depression and severe social anxiety i was diagnosed with both four years ago after my first suicide attempt and since then ive been hospitalized five more times for suicide attempts and self mutilation. they messed with my meds alot until they finally found the right amount to give me to make me not want to kill myself or feel so empty and emotionless that i wanted to hurt myself
but now im okay except the social anxiety still gets to me sometimes
but now im okay except the social anxiety still gets to me sometimes
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animefreak_usa
Child of Samael
was a bipolar but the doc mistaken my suicide attempts. i just was bored of life
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MagnetMonkey wrote...
Frostbear wrote...
I am a Melancholic and depressive,I get lost in thoughts easily but never lose concentration and wanted to kill myself.I was nearly killed by someone when I was a kid and would like revenge now.What the hell happened?!? If you're OK saying it, obviously.
I'm OK telling what happened.
I was 6 and it was a cold winter,so my friends and I took a shortcut home after school,on the way was a house where an old couple lived with their schizophrenic son(I had no idea he was mentally ill).When we passed by the garden of the house he was siting and looking at us,but then he made a face I can not really describe and the 3 of us stooped,as he was coming closer and my friends ran away,but I was so afraid that I couldn't move.Then he came and took my wool cap and he wanted to take my scarf to,as it was tight around my neck he puled me up and I was struggling for air,I some how managed to get the scarf off me and fell on the ground.He went back inside and I stood up and wasn't able to move for another 30 minutes or so.After that I went home and just when I wanted to tell my mom what happened,his mother was knocking on the door,she brought back my cap and the scarf,she told my mom her version of the story that was totally made up and she begged my mom not to call the police(this is the 1st time that I say what really happened).
My mom called the police and he was send to a hospital for a few years,he came out for a while but got back again,finally he was released a few years ago,on a cold winter,he came back on foot,when he arrived he was half dead and the doctors had to cut of his feet,a hand and a few fingers.Now he is a sad being,but I can't forgive him,even tho I know he didn't really wanted to kill me,I still want to end his miserable life.
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I used to have or still have at some level anorexia & agoraphobia (I go between them never having both at the same time & the middle ground is normal not having any) currently I'd say I'm normal though with some anxiety.
I can't remember why I started starving my self but I think it had to do with a girl I liked that always commented on how skinny a guy was in a good way. I now realize that she was more commenting that she wished she was that skinny.
I eventauly stopped starving my self but I just traded it for another problem & refused to leave the house from about 1-2 years.
I was never diagnosed of having any of them.
I was never diagnosed as having anorexia because I wasn't below the area which was considered dangerous but I was starving my self and lost almost 50% of my weight. I think it does seem messed up that the doctor wouldn't do any thing because I was still with in acceptable level & that they wouldn't do any thing to help people before they got to the dangerous level.
I was never diagnosed with agorophobia either despite the fact that I had never been out side for over a year, but it was more a fear of being seen by any one especially people I knew. The messed up thing about them saying I didn't have a problem with leaving the house was becuase I wasn't willing to leave the house. They basicly said I was being lazy and that I wasn't afraid.
I can't remember why I started starving my self but I think it had to do with a girl I liked that always commented on how skinny a guy was in a good way. I now realize that she was more commenting that she wished she was that skinny.
I eventauly stopped starving my self but I just traded it for another problem & refused to leave the house from about 1-2 years.
I was never diagnosed of having any of them.
I was never diagnosed as having anorexia because I wasn't below the area which was considered dangerous but I was starving my self and lost almost 50% of my weight. I think it does seem messed up that the doctor wouldn't do any thing because I was still with in acceptable level & that they wouldn't do any thing to help people before they got to the dangerous level.
I was never diagnosed with agorophobia either despite the fact that I had never been out side for over a year, but it was more a fear of being seen by any one especially people I knew. The messed up thing about them saying I didn't have a problem with leaving the house was becuase I wasn't willing to leave the house. They basicly said I was being lazy and that I wasn't afraid.
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What's this Melancholic state? Also, what exactly is depression, what happened to being sad? I have an ongoing problem with consistently wanting things to be worse than they are... It's odd, I'm a very logical and smart person so it doesn't bother me on the surface where I think through all my actions, socially and progressively. I don't let it get in the way of my life, I'm married but everyday I want it to end so I can be sad... So I can hurt. Possibly masochistic psychologically? But yeah, my personal thinking on it is that I used to be to the point of apathy so I wouldn't kill myself cause that was too much trouble and I'm sure someone out there gave a shit about me and would be sad, I would just want to be hit by a car or die in some general way. To disappear, but now my life has picked up and I'm past all that except for this deep imploring desire to have it all burn so I can be in pain again... Bleh. So like what is that?
I can relate to the guy who said new releases for anime/manga kept him up, mine was waiting for the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan to finish. Trust me, him dying was a harsh blow, if it had been 3 months sooner I probably would've done myself in >
I can relate to the guy who said new releases for anime/manga kept him up, mine was waiting for the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan to finish. Trust me, him dying was a harsh blow, if it had been 3 months sooner I probably would've done myself in >
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According to the system, i have numerous labels, but if you ask me in most cases(not all) its just a legal form of insurance fraud...unless you feel you are a danger to yourself or others i highly suggest that you do not seek professional help, all there going to do is put you though a lot of stress and paperwork... and the only thing that will come, is you will be on some form of medication... in most cases if your willing you can over come most things on your own...