R.I.P My best friend, Scott.

MagnetMonkey · 2010-11-27T05:19:33-01:00

This is kind of a pointless post, but I just want to vent/honor his memory by talking about him. Last night, I found my nearly a brother best friend and roommate dead in his room from a gunshot to the head. He committed suicide. His suicide note was addressed to me. In the note, he told me that he had been severely depressed for years, and he had extreme self hatred for being gay, due to religion, his late parents who abused him because of that, and constantly being thrashed throughout the years for it. He couldn't take it anymore, and shot himself. He thanked me in the note for everything i did for him, and all the good times we had together. He had a tough life, and his parents were killed in an accident when he was 14, which he was happy about. He felt guilty about that until the end. Scott did a lot for me. He, a 23 year old, was nice enough to take in a 17 year old clinically insane bipolar mess like me, and treated me like family from the second I moved in. Other than my mom, Scott was one of the reasons I survived my nervous breakdown; I owed him my life. He helped me through all the tough times I had, he even helped me graduate from college. To be honest, I can't help but feel like it was my fault. He was so depressed, and I never noticed anything at all. I know in my gut that I had nothing to do with his death, but I still feel guilty about it. I only lived with him for two years, but he was like a brother to me. When I found him, my mind just blanked. I was in physical shock, shaking and vomiting. I felt dead for hours. I couldn't even speak for a few hours. After a straight day of crying and getting drunk on scotch, my friends on Skype, especially catfish, got me out of it. I just ate about an hour ago for the first time since I found him. I'm still horribly depressed, but I've accepted all of this thanks to them. In the end, I hope he found peace. Scott was halfway through writing a sci-fi novel, and I've decided to finish it for him. Knowing Scott, that's what he'd want. Goodbye Scott Wells. I'm gonna miss you, you ass. Scott Wells, 1987-2010.

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Waar FAKKU Moderator

13 years ago

raven does have a point though, killing yourself is giving up. It's weak and does nothing but harm those around you, those that love you. It's a fairly selfish way to deal with your problems. I'm not trying to be a dick either but I just want you to understand what raven said is what a lot of people think; suicide is stupid.

MagnetMonkey

13 years ago

alright guys. seriously? is this really the time to be talking about how suicide is stupid and selfish, calling Scott an idiot and saying he gave up? seriously? He was depressed for years, trying his best not to give in to his depression, and I can't beleive I never noticed anything. A couple hours after I found him, i finally put it all together. There were warning signs. And i didn't see it. So yeah raven, there were. It's already been three or four days, and I'm still crying my ass off every time i look at his now empty room. And I could have helped him. I was just too fucking dumb to save his life. And thanks to me, my best friend literally blew his face in. It was caved in. So to be honest, this was my fault. I fucked up, and I'm gonna have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life. So go ahead and call ME an idiot, tell me he was selfish and stupid, and that I have to "face the facts of life", as raven said. Because I just got hit hard with those facts when I found his corpse. So tell me I'm an idiot. It's my fault. But come the fuck on. Have some respect for him. Did basic human kindness just die or something? In situations like this, please keep your opinions to yourself and have some respect.

And if I'm pissing anybody off here, I'm not trying to, I'm drunk off my ass and crying. So you'll have to forgive me if I seem like a dick. Sorry.

Aai FAKKU Ass Master

13 years ago

My Condolences as well friend, don't take it too harshly from others when they say it's stupid, it's most likely their own experiences that they feel that way about suicide, many just show empathy for this.

and again my Condolences.

Rob920

13 years ago

May he rest in peace, and may you find comfort in his memory.

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