What's holding you back?
0
What's holding me back? It's my past.
My mother is a schitzophreniac, so I wasn't allowed to go outside very much. And so, I ended up a little anti-social and developed my own way of thinking, which somehow is radically different from others. Not many actually understand what I am saying. Err, no, scratch that, no one really gets what I am saying My best friend says it is something amazing, but I think otherwise. I've always believed to be as much comprehensible as possible is the best way to live, but ironically, this is what I don't get. The lack of self confidence built up over the years has held me back for a while. I know the cure; a person who believes in the shit I spew. But hey, you can't just snap your fingers and expect someone like that to appear. So yeah.
My mother is a schitzophreniac, so I wasn't allowed to go outside very much. And so, I ended up a little anti-social and developed my own way of thinking, which somehow is radically different from others. Not many actually understand what I am saying. Err, no, scratch that, no one really gets what I am saying My best friend says it is something amazing, but I think otherwise. I've always believed to be as much comprehensible as possible is the best way to live, but ironically, this is what I don't get. The lack of self confidence built up over the years has held me back for a while. I know the cure; a person who believes in the shit I spew. But hey, you can't just snap your fingers and expect someone like that to appear. So yeah.
0
Vedgon wrote...
What's holding me back? It's my past.My mother is a schitzophreniac, so I wasn't allowed to go outside very much. And so, I ended up a little anti-social and developed my own way of thinking, which somehow is radically different from others. Not many actually understand what I am saying. Err, no, scratch that, no one really gets what I am saying My best friend says it is something amazing, but I think otherwise. I've always believed to be as much comprehensible as possible is the best way to live, but ironically, this is what I don't get. The lack of self confidence built up over the years has held me back for a while. I know the cure; a person who believes in the shit I spew. But hey, you can't just snap your fingers and expect someone like that to appear. So yeah.
I sort of have the same situation, except my mom had to be the breadwinner as my "father" actually cheated with her wife on her so she was absent and I didn't care to go out much. Became not as social/close to Anti-Social thanks to being bullied and this abnormal family set up, learned to be numb to be used being alone. Made some good friends but drifted away in college; was too awkward and odd, I ended up not redeeming the lost high school days and actually missing out on being with a nice girl in campus.
Somehow I still have a lot of good things right now though, an easy job that pays enough for me to buy video games and shit. The cure is true blue friends who are willing to put up with my oddities, if I can find some on the interweebs, let me know.
0
SpaceCrash wrote...
I sort of have the same situation, except my mom had to be the breadwinner as my "father" actually cheated with her wife on her so she was absent and I didn't care to go out much. Became not as social/close to Anti-Social thanks to being bullied and this abnormal family set up, learned to be numb to be used being alone. Made some good friends but drifted away in college; was too awkward and odd, I ended up not redeeming the lost high school days and actually missing out on being with a nice girl in campus.
Somehow I still have a lot of good things right now though, an easy job that pays enough for me to buy video games and shit. The cure is true blue friends who are willing to put up with my oddities, if I can find some on the interweebs, let me know.
High school eh? Just finished one myself last year. Haven't had many memories to remember, unlike my friends. They still talk fondly of the days lost. It is amusing, to say the least. As for girl, we ride the same boat on that one matey.
I hope you'd find some good friends for yourself in real and web life. I know the feeling; it's good :), like the ending of a sweet vanilla.
1
Vedgon wrote...
What's holding me back? It's my past.My mother is a schitzophreniac, so I wasn't allowed to go outside very much. And so, I ended up a little anti-social and developed my own way of thinking, which somehow is radically different from others. Not many actually understand what I am saying. Err, no, scratch that, no one really gets what I am saying My best friend says it is something amazing, but I think otherwise. I've always believed to be as much comprehensible as possible is the best way to live, but ironically, this is what I don't get. The lack of self confidence built up over the years has held me back for a while. I know the cure; a person who believes in the shit I spew. But hey, you can't just snap your fingers and expect someone like that to appear. So yeah.
I think the cure is to develop self-confidence on your own.
A lot of people like me were pretty sheltered kids as well but what helped me build confidence is doing things that made me feel accomplished- for the most part, on my own.
If someone pops in your life and helps you get back on your feet then sure; that's cool, but you're not going to have that "someone" or "some people" around for the rest of your life, and you don't want to be a dependent person. Trust me.
What kind of things do you like? What challenges do you have in mind? Do these things step-by-step and develop your own confidence. Go to the gym, get better at a sport, excel in your studies, talk to the girl you've always wanted to talk to.
If you spend the rest of your life waiting for someone to save you from your misery you'll have a really bad time. Once you start trying to put things back together on your own, you'll learn more and be able to reach-and maintain- confidence
0
The only thing that holds anyone back is their own mindset. I am held back on things because I know when things are futile.
0
FinalBoss
#levelupyourgrind
My mental illness and average IQ holds me back from my dreams. Whenever I try to put effort into something, after awhile my symptoms kick in and I start procrastinating due to depression. Just three weeks ago I had the flu and that made me so depressed that I couldn't sleep for 7 days. Having that kind of experience messed with my mental stability and I started having thoughts of killing myself. When I finally recovered, I had to put in three times the effort to catch up in studying C++ and Japanese since I have an average IQ. I guess I should focus on one thing at a time to keep myself from being stressed out.
For example, I could work on the story for one day, and work on drawing the next day. That, and I should look for help with my project. I met a cool lady in the hospital, and she said she had a son who has the same aspirations as me. I still have her number, but I'm socially awkward and too used to working alone. Its hard to change if you've been like this your whole life.
For example, I could work on the story for one day, and work on drawing the next day. That, and I should look for help with my project. I met a cool lady in the hospital, and she said she had a son who has the same aspirations as me. I still have her number, but I'm socially awkward and too used to working alone. Its hard to change if you've been like this your whole life.
0
Mentally I'd have to my intense social phobia I hardly ever leave the house because of it and when I do my heart feels as if it's gonna burst right through my chest. My depression which contributes to my lack of motivation. I can only think grim thoughts about my future which just makes me even more depressed. I also am pretty self-doubtful at times and I feel like I'm completely and utterly stupid a lot and I don't really have friends either so I have no support system other than my family.
I can't find a job either which also contributes to my depression and feelings of hopelessness. I want to go to college, but I don't know what I want to go for at all so that's constantly on my mind too. I worry too much and never really go with the flow. I overwhelm myself and the list goes on and on.
I can't find a job either which also contributes to my depression and feelings of hopelessness. I want to go to college, but I don't know what I want to go for at all so that's constantly on my mind too. I worry too much and never really go with the flow. I overwhelm myself and the list goes on and on.
0
First and foremost, the biggest thing that's holding me back in life is my social ineptitude. I'm quiet, way too careful of what I say, and hesitant to let people into my life. As a result, I've had very few friendships. And of course, that trickles down into other aspects of my life. I don't have any good connections or people I can rely on (outside my dysfunctional family), I lack the confidence or experience to get jobs, money is a constant issue and I lacked the motivation to do well in school (even though I found the work to be easy, except for group projects).
It feels like my whole life is one big Catch-22. I need to go to college to get skills to get a job to pay for a car to get to work to make money to pay for college to get a job.
It feels like my whole life is one big Catch-22. I need to go to college to get skills to get a job to pay for a car to get to work to make money to pay for college to get a job.
-3
I can't have intercourse until I find a pure bride, because sex before marriage goes against my morals.
Y'see, I'm a bit of a "catcher in the rye" of sorts, if you catch my drift. I'm not Holden Caulfield or anything, but I do indeed wish that more people would remain pure(r) and (more) innocent than most people do these days.
Thereofore, I have an ''impure'' scale. My future bride needs to be a 0 on my scale for us to get married and have intercourse. It would also be lovely if she were to have a big cock, for an Anglo-Saxon linguistic purist, such as myself, will not deny that he likes futanari.
This is my ''impure'' scale,(please PM me if you are a 0 on that chart and we could work some things out ;) ):
20 *IMPURE*
19 Completely Intentional Sexism
18 Seductive Behaviour
17 High Boots (unless they are high, completely white go-go boots styled after the go-go boots of the '80s and '90s)
16 Intentionally Revealing Clothing
15 Other Body Piercings (unless one belongs to a tribe or culture where that is standard amongst everyone irrespective of gender)
14 Nose Piercing (unless one belongs to a tribe or culture where that is standard amongst everyone irrespective of gender)
13 Stark Lipstick
12 Stark Eyeshadow
11 Stark Makeup
10 Intentional Cleavage
9 Flirtiness
8 Lipstick
7 Light Eyeshadow
6 Ear piercings (if only one ear is pierced, and ONLY if it is pierced for symbolic reasons, it doesn't fall under this category. In addition, if the ears are pierced due to a tribal or traditional cultural reason or the like, it doesn't fall under this [provided that the tradition in question applies to both genders.])
5 Short boots (unless one is a hiker/member of some other field where boots are necessary, it's the Winter, or they are wearing some kind of traditional garb)
4 Miniskirt
3 Light Makeup
2 Particularly Token Girly-Girl Clothes
1 Particularly Token Girly-Girl Behaviours
0 *PURE*
Y'see, I'm a bit of a "catcher in the rye" of sorts, if you catch my drift. I'm not Holden Caulfield or anything, but I do indeed wish that more people would remain pure(r) and (more) innocent than most people do these days.
Thereofore, I have an ''impure'' scale. My future bride needs to be a 0 on my scale for us to get married and have intercourse. It would also be lovely if she were to have a big cock, for an Anglo-Saxon linguistic purist, such as myself, will not deny that he likes futanari.
This is my ''impure'' scale,(please PM me if you are a 0 on that chart and we could work some things out ;) ):
20 *IMPURE*
19 Completely Intentional Sexism
18 Seductive Behaviour
17 High Boots (unless they are high, completely white go-go boots styled after the go-go boots of the '80s and '90s)
16 Intentionally Revealing Clothing
15 Other Body Piercings (unless one belongs to a tribe or culture where that is standard amongst everyone irrespective of gender)
14 Nose Piercing (unless one belongs to a tribe or culture where that is standard amongst everyone irrespective of gender)
13 Stark Lipstick
12 Stark Eyeshadow
11 Stark Makeup
10 Intentional Cleavage
9 Flirtiness
8 Lipstick
7 Light Eyeshadow
6 Ear piercings (if only one ear is pierced, and ONLY if it is pierced for symbolic reasons, it doesn't fall under this category. In addition, if the ears are pierced due to a tribal or traditional cultural reason or the like, it doesn't fall under this [provided that the tradition in question applies to both genders.])
5 Short boots (unless one is a hiker/member of some other field where boots are necessary, it's the Winter, or they are wearing some kind of traditional garb)
4 Miniskirt
3 Light Makeup
2 Particularly Token Girly-Girl Clothes
1 Particularly Token Girly-Girl Behaviours
0 *PURE*
0
Well a wise man once said "Mo money, mo problems"
But really that's not the case lol.
I would like to open up a clothing store one day, I have a connection to a warehouse in Asia that can help me produce clothes. The only thing stopping me is lack of funds.
But really that's not the case lol.
I would like to open up a clothing store one day, I have a connection to a warehouse in Asia that can help me produce clothes. The only thing stopping me is lack of funds.
0
Finances. I go to a university and by the gods what's making life difficult is money. I have to go to summer school because I couldn't pay for the winter because the IRS is fucking me. I finally got proper documentation but it's too late so now I have to wait until summer to go back to finish off my sophmore. What a pain this is. College is expensive. Gee I can't wait until grad school.
0
I have a few things holding me back, fear of failure, indecision and finances.
Umm this requires a bit of backstory.
Both my mom and my dad taught me that the most important thing in a person is their intelligence, both of them were smart in different ways. my dad it was math, science and strategy. he is the one that gave me my love of games, strategy, and logic. My mom it was english, reading and world issues. She taught me empathy and knowledge and gave me a love of reading.
Intelligence and education were the most important things in life.
my parents got divorced when i was 5, my mom got remarried when i was 8. I had high functioning autism/aspergers, and had some... pretty weird/retarded stems. my stepdad gave me so much shit over them, always making fun of how fucking stupid and retarded i was, and if i dared to ever say "no I'm not" i would get hit for "talking back" then i would cry and he would make fun of me for that, and more for being stupid.
school gave grades, proof i wasn't stupid. but doing work at home was hard when i had someone behind me heckling me, hitting me, etc etc. i began to lie about having to do homework, and doing it on the downlow, going somewhere to hide to do it. which never worked. my stepdad would hunt me down when i hid, and when he found me he would throw me against a wall or door, pull his fist back like he was about to slug me, only to redirect and hit the wall/door instead. sometimes hitting through it and hitting wires/getting electrocuted. he would then scream at me "look what you made me do!" like he was in a bad movie or soap opera... I would pretend to be sympathetic/care but inside i was like "HA serves you right!" *no shits given*
anyhow, school got harder, and bullying started in school also thanks to my stepdad... the only alarm in the house was in their room, so they woke us kids up in the mornings, and sometimes they slept in and we were late, so mom made him give us rides to school. one such day my sister managed to convince my mom she was sick, so i had to go to school alone, and my mom got my stepdad to give me a ride... i would have preferred to walk.
my stepdad had a day off he did NOT want to get up. so he didnt put on a shirt or socks or shoes, got into the car, we live close to the back of the school, which is in a library parking lot. it is the closest route, and no traffic, i wanted him to drop me off there. he was like "why embarrassed by me?" and took the long route to the front of the school, and through the traffic, he got pissed off after 15 minutes of traffic (when it only takes 2 to get to the back of the school) so when he got close, he pulled around onto the LAWN of the school, kicked me out there, and called me a whore as i left. kids saw. kids made up rumours that i was a whore and my stepdad was my pimp, and we lived in a trailer park. All lies. I was in eighth fucking grade. I didn't even like to see people kiss, much less into porn or interested in doing anything of the sort. I was innocent even for my age, still am actually.
they made school hell, and prevented me from doing well. sabatoged me. Besides just being mean with the verbal harrasment, and pushing/tripping me in the halls, throwing objects at my head, and using hot glue guns to stick popsicle sticks in my hair, they also destroyed any projects done in class, stole my calculator before tests and the teacher made me do them without because "it was my responsibility". BS. First time ever i had to take summer school, just to pass, and that was a blow to my self esteem.
highschool was better. I had trouble with english and any subject related to language/writing except writer's craft, that i did amazing in. grade 12 i managed to ace calculus and fail english in the same semester, so i had to come back and do it again. my stepdad had a field day with that one... like "how the fuck do you ace calculous and fail english? you speak english, god damn brown people can't speak english and they pass, how fucking retarded are you?!" (that is a quote, my stepdad is racist, i am not, and sorry for any offensiveness... i myself do not think this way)
SO...
i wanted to go on to college, but i had to work to support the family because my stepdad lost his job and my mom didn't work... -_-; he was more abusive, i threatened to leave, more bs drama. i stayed for my siblings. he decided to start in on my sister, who has a much bigger backbone than me, so when he hit her she jumped on him, i was terrified for her so i grabbed a knife and put myself in the middle of it, my stepdad laughed at me and said "what are you going to do, stab me?" and i was like "yes." *serious* i must have been scary for once in my life cuz he stopped grinning... and he left me and my sis alone. then after a few months started in on my mom, he only got up to calling her a bitch before she finally kicked him out. but then i still had to stay and support them all... no time for college. =[ eventually my mom remarried, and i jumped at the chance to move out on my own, much cheaper than living at home supporting them.
but... now i am stuck. it is so so late to start going to college, i don't have the money for it, and even if i manage it there is no longer and guarantee i will be hired in my field so school could just potentially leave me with a ton of debt. i don't even know what field i would want to go into. or if i could handle it. What if i fail? i'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, i really am quite fucking stupid at times even with my efforts not to be... heh... all that time being called fucking stupid, never amounting to anything, and now that really will come true...
on the other hand. the only reason why i want to go to college, is to prove my stepdad wrong. use it as a way to prove I'm NOT stupid. Given a fair chance i can do it.
i am okay living poorly, i'v never known any different. I am responsible, don't get into trouble, and i don't really actually want anything out of life. I am happy enough just living it. i have this anti depression thing going on, where as long as there is nothing directly bringing me down, i am ridiculously happy. Maybe it's because i was so unhappy for so long, that just not being sad is... fucking awesome.
i don't need a big place to live. i don't need a significant other in my life. i have a cat, and she is awesome. =3 so is my reason for even wanting to go to college worth the risks? or are they petty/stupid?
Umm this requires a bit of backstory.
Both my mom and my dad taught me that the most important thing in a person is their intelligence, both of them were smart in different ways. my dad it was math, science and strategy. he is the one that gave me my love of games, strategy, and logic. My mom it was english, reading and world issues. She taught me empathy and knowledge and gave me a love of reading.
Intelligence and education were the most important things in life.
my parents got divorced when i was 5, my mom got remarried when i was 8. I had high functioning autism/aspergers, and had some... pretty weird/retarded stems. my stepdad gave me so much shit over them, always making fun of how fucking stupid and retarded i was, and if i dared to ever say "no I'm not" i would get hit for "talking back" then i would cry and he would make fun of me for that, and more for being stupid.
school gave grades, proof i wasn't stupid. but doing work at home was hard when i had someone behind me heckling me, hitting me, etc etc. i began to lie about having to do homework, and doing it on the downlow, going somewhere to hide to do it. which never worked. my stepdad would hunt me down when i hid, and when he found me he would throw me against a wall or door, pull his fist back like he was about to slug me, only to redirect and hit the wall/door instead. sometimes hitting through it and hitting wires/getting electrocuted. he would then scream at me "look what you made me do!" like he was in a bad movie or soap opera... I would pretend to be sympathetic/care but inside i was like "HA serves you right!" *no shits given*
anyhow, school got harder, and bullying started in school also thanks to my stepdad... the only alarm in the house was in their room, so they woke us kids up in the mornings, and sometimes they slept in and we were late, so mom made him give us rides to school. one such day my sister managed to convince my mom she was sick, so i had to go to school alone, and my mom got my stepdad to give me a ride... i would have preferred to walk.
my stepdad had a day off he did NOT want to get up. so he didnt put on a shirt or socks or shoes, got into the car, we live close to the back of the school, which is in a library parking lot. it is the closest route, and no traffic, i wanted him to drop me off there. he was like "why embarrassed by me?" and took the long route to the front of the school, and through the traffic, he got pissed off after 15 minutes of traffic (when it only takes 2 to get to the back of the school) so when he got close, he pulled around onto the LAWN of the school, kicked me out there, and called me a whore as i left. kids saw. kids made up rumours that i was a whore and my stepdad was my pimp, and we lived in a trailer park. All lies. I was in eighth fucking grade. I didn't even like to see people kiss, much less into porn or interested in doing anything of the sort. I was innocent even for my age, still am actually.
they made school hell, and prevented me from doing well. sabatoged me. Besides just being mean with the verbal harrasment, and pushing/tripping me in the halls, throwing objects at my head, and using hot glue guns to stick popsicle sticks in my hair, they also destroyed any projects done in class, stole my calculator before tests and the teacher made me do them without because "it was my responsibility". BS. First time ever i had to take summer school, just to pass, and that was a blow to my self esteem.
highschool was better. I had trouble with english and any subject related to language/writing except writer's craft, that i did amazing in. grade 12 i managed to ace calculus and fail english in the same semester, so i had to come back and do it again. my stepdad had a field day with that one... like "how the fuck do you ace calculous and fail english? you speak english, god damn brown people can't speak english and they pass, how fucking retarded are you?!" (that is a quote, my stepdad is racist, i am not, and sorry for any offensiveness... i myself do not think this way)
SO...
i wanted to go on to college, but i had to work to support the family because my stepdad lost his job and my mom didn't work... -_-; he was more abusive, i threatened to leave, more bs drama. i stayed for my siblings. he decided to start in on my sister, who has a much bigger backbone than me, so when he hit her she jumped on him, i was terrified for her so i grabbed a knife and put myself in the middle of it, my stepdad laughed at me and said "what are you going to do, stab me?" and i was like "yes." *serious* i must have been scary for once in my life cuz he stopped grinning... and he left me and my sis alone. then after a few months started in on my mom, he only got up to calling her a bitch before she finally kicked him out. but then i still had to stay and support them all... no time for college. =[ eventually my mom remarried, and i jumped at the chance to move out on my own, much cheaper than living at home supporting them.
but... now i am stuck. it is so so late to start going to college, i don't have the money for it, and even if i manage it there is no longer and guarantee i will be hired in my field so school could just potentially leave me with a ton of debt. i don't even know what field i would want to go into. or if i could handle it. What if i fail? i'm not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, i really am quite fucking stupid at times even with my efforts not to be... heh... all that time being called fucking stupid, never amounting to anything, and now that really will come true...
on the other hand. the only reason why i want to go to college, is to prove my stepdad wrong. use it as a way to prove I'm NOT stupid. Given a fair chance i can do it.
i am okay living poorly, i'v never known any different. I am responsible, don't get into trouble, and i don't really actually want anything out of life. I am happy enough just living it. i have this anti depression thing going on, where as long as there is nothing directly bringing me down, i am ridiculously happy. Maybe it's because i was so unhappy for so long, that just not being sad is... fucking awesome.
i don't need a big place to live. i don't need a significant other in my life. i have a cat, and she is awesome. =3 so is my reason for even wanting to go to college worth the risks? or are they petty/stupid?
