Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Finally!
the Skyrim Review by Angry Joe!



he gave the highest rating i've ever seen till now.
DAYUM!

So like, i started a new mage character right.

For some reason sometime during my stay in Riverwood, a woman started attacking me randomly even though i did nothing bad. In defense i blew her face out with fire but then everyone in the town started attacking me. 15 minutes later and a 1300 Whiterun bounty later, everyone except for the trader, children and local drunk are dead.

I feel this might've been a bad decision in hindsight since i have to talk to the Jarl of Whiterun to progress the main story any further and Whiterun's guards just attack me on sight now LOL.

... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Might wanna join the thieves guild

Or wear a hood?

....Wait what? That works? So much I don't know

I doubt it. But its worth a shot.

i think if you kill enough ppl (especially ones close to the main quest) and then go to sleep in the game, you should wake up and a member of the dark brotherhood will visit you. thats how you did it in oblivion anyway. i knifed the first monk i was able to in oblivion and then it was dark brotherhood all the way..

Works differently in Skyrim.

really? so how do you start the brotherhood quests this time around?

You do this quest for a certain person and then in a few days a courier will give you a note with a black hand saying "We Know". Then you get kidnapped to an abandoned shack

haha that sounds exciting.. im gonna try that now. thanks dude!

you can't kill Maven, this game just lost a few points. I've been standing above her punching repeatedly for like five minutes now.

I want to finish that essence extracting quest and I can't find a fucking wood elf...

I fucking knew it, and apparently they fuck knew it. I did that certain shit for a certain somebody, but I doubt I'll get kidnapped seeing as I'm an alpha as fuck werewolf who never sleeps. I actually looked at my stats and it said I've been fucking around Skyrim for one hundred and seventy-someshit days; I slept a total of 34 hours. This is assuming, of course, that they will kidnap me when I'm asleep. Rather, I'm hoping to get shot with an arrow coated in paralysis toxin in the middle of nowhere.

Which reminds me, which town are the companions in?
I know I ran into them, but I had ignored them since I was looking for the brotherhood.

You tend to find a companion for hire in some taverns at least. You'r housecarl's stay at the town house (Lydia in Whiterun's Breezehome for example) if you told them to go back. Also on the blood quest, I'd say put it to rest and do some other quests. You'll bump into a wood elf sooner or later and then finish that quest.

(Very good reward in that one too)

I already finished the thieves and mages guild and did the brotherhood already.
Companions are the last ones I've yet to do.

http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-skyrim-teaching-your-children-how-to-perform-rim-jobs-and-other-homo-erotic-sex-maneuvers/
This article is satire. inb4 is this nigga srs?
Also, I think some of the shouts have a faint trace of lisp.



Whiterun.

Thanks. Time to start contracting diaseases...