CHESS (Chapter 5.5) [UPDATED]

Kuro vi Lolitannia · 2012-01-27T17:51:12-01:00

This is another story I created. Already got the idea in my head for a while now and I already planned how the end of this story will be (so of course there'll be no Writer's Block), I just need to stop being lazy and type it out :P There are some things that I like to point out first though.... 1. I'm updating all chapters in the first post, and the topic's title 2. English is not my first language, so my grammar is not good (it's horrible actually) 3. RED TEXT = Demons and BLUE TEXT = Angels. I just thought they should have something to differentiate both of them with the humans. 4. Maybe there're some similiarities from Highschool DxD but I thought about this story before I read Highschool DxD so I think it'll be pretty different story (though it still has demons and chess stuffs too) 5. Critics are very welcomed. Maybe many of you will mention about the grammars... Well then, enjoy the story! Chapter 0 : Prologue Spoiler:"There's no such thing as GOD" I already knew about it since I was still a child... If GOD exist, then there'll be no evil in this world... Why would He let people do bad things if He hated them? But I won't let that stop me from being good to others. I believe that if we do good things, then good things will happen to us. If there's no heaven, then I'll try my best, so people will live in this world, as if they're living in that heaven... At least, I'll try to make people I know feel like that. ...Why you ask? Of course it's not because I wanted people to call me a saint or anything like that. I already experienced what people called 'living hell'. I ate trashes to live, I saw my friends died, and other horrible things... That's why, now that I'm saved by good persons, I want to help another persons too! I want people to live a good life, I want to turn this world into heaven, into paradise, because that means no one will live horribly like I was. If only I have the power to do so... --- "There's no such thing as GOD" If such a boring existence like GOD exist, there's no way He'll let me born into this world... I'm genius, I'm rich, and no one can order me... My parents? Those boring bastards are dead already... No I didn't kill them, they just died. They're good people and I do know that I'm not so why they died while I'm still alive? That means, good people should just die, while bad ones should live, no? ...I'll turn this world into a hell, to everyone's worst nightmare... If you ask me for a reason, then I have none. Just like all of you, you live for no actual reason right? Maybe just for some natural reasoning like 'Having Sex' or 'Eating Food' or 'Have Lots of Money' no? Then it's the same, just like how you guys want to have sex, then I want to turn this world into hell. Dunno why, it just came to me. If only I have power to do so.... --- =Meanwhile, in the border between Hell and Heaven= "I don't know about you but I already chose my ï½¢Black Kingï½£... I'm sure this time, I'll be the one to win this CHESS game..." The Demon grinned wickedly. "...I already chose my ï½¢White Kingï½£ too... and I'm sorry, but I'll make sure you taste your defeat this time too." The Angel calmly replied the Demon. And thus, begin the destined battle between the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ and ï½¢White Kingï½£ that'll decide the fate of the world... Chapter 1 Spoiler:"Heeey, Blanc-kun~~ Do you want to go to karaoke box with us after school?" a girl cheerfully asked a guy who's sitting on the corner of the classroom. "Ah... I would love to, but sorry... I'm kinda tired today..." that guy smiled at the girl that asked him. That guy's name is Shirokami Blanc. Half-Japanese, Half-French. He's smart, handsome, and good at sport. All girls in school adores him, and all boys in school also like him. He's kind and not cocky. "Ah~ Such a pity~ I want to hear your beautiful voice Blanc-kun~" the other girls saw that girl tried to seduce Blanc and they glared at her "Ah-- Well then, see ya later Blanc-kun~" Blanc smiled back and prepared to go home. He walked to his house, because it's not too far from his house. On the way home, his phone rang. "...Do you enjoy your highschool life?" there's a sound of a man coming from his phone. "Yes, thank you very much for all of your help" Blanc politely answered the caller. "This is nothing... We adopted you but we're so busy that we can't be together with you often..." the caller sounded sad. "Don't worry Father, you and Mother adopted me and saved me from that living hell after all..." Yes, Blanc is an adopted child of Shirokami family. Both of his new father and mother are succesful businessman and businesswoman and they can't conceive a child so they adopted Blanc. They found Blanc when he was still 10 years old, and lived in a sewer in Iraq after he lost his biological parents there. Blanc spent 2 years in Iraq, in the middle of war. That's why he's good at sport, from all those running he did from the soldiers. And he's smart since he was born, his IQ almost reached 300! More precisely, 297! He asked his parents to keep it a secret though, as he want to live a normal life as a teenager. He planned to become a scientist so he can devote his life to the world and turn it into a paradise. Blanc locked his room and threw himself into the bed. He slowly fell asleep... --- "Wake up... Blanc..." a soft voice woke Blanc up. "Huh..? Did I fell asleep... Wait, who are you?!" a beautiful girl, with a pair of white wings appeared before him. "I'm an Angel. I don't have any name, just call me Angel." that girl put her hand on Blanc's head. Then suddenly, his body glowed. "What the...." "You're the chosen one... Our ï½¢White Kingï½£..." the Angel whispered. "What're you talking about?!" Blanc freaked out. His bedroom then turned into a white and spacious room. There's nothing there, just him and the Angel. "You want to change this world into a paradise right?" the Angel looked at him. "...Yes, I do..." Blanc stopped for a second then spoke again. "You're an Angel right? Then that means, GOD also exist? If yes, then let me meet Him!" "...You aren't surprised to see me and ask me to allow you to meet the god?" the Angel smiled. "You're the chosen one indeed" The Angel disappeared, then re-appeared right in front of him. "There's no such thing as GOD, He does not exist" "Wha-- The how--" the Angel covered his mouth with her hand. "Let me explain it to you..." She waved her hand and then a chessboard appeared. "Every 1000 years, me and Demon plays a game of chess..." She waved her hand again and two chessmen appeared. A white king, and a black king. "I chose a human to be the ï½¢White Kingï½£ while the Demon chose a human to b the ï½¢Black Kingï½£..." She clapped her hands and the chessmen and chessboard disappeared. "Both of them must choose their own ï½¢Chessmenï½£ and fight each other till opponent's ï½¢Kingï½£ die or give up" She stared into Blanc's eyes. "If the ï½¢White Kingï½£ win, then it's my victory, and if ï½¢Black Kingï½£ win, it's the Demon's victory... The winnner will become GOD for the next 1000 years..." "Wha-- You're a goddamn Angel and you play with human's lives?!" Blanc shouted at her. "The actualy GOD suddenly died 4000 years ago... And both me and the Demon didn't know what to do... If it's not because of this game, the world would be destroyed by that Demon a long long time ago" "My wish is to keep this world stable... While the Demon just want to destroy the current world and create a new one... A hellish one..." "That means, this is the fourth game, and you never lose?" Blanc calmed down. "...Exactly... I usually win the game because there's no one strong and evil enough to be a ï½¢Black Kingï½£... No one is purely kind too, they always have this thing you call 'Desires' after all... But kindness will always win against evil no?" "...So this should be another easy game?" Blanc asked another question. "Sadly, no. I already saw the one that Demon chose..." the Angel shivered. "...This is the first time I ever see someone, even more evil than the Demon himself..." "I need your help, Blanc. Your kindness, your intelligence, all of them are suitable to be a ï½¢White Kingï½£... And if you win, I'll grant one wish from you, any kind of wish. And not only you, but one wish each for all of your ï½¢Chessmenï½£ too." "...Will you turn this world into a paradise, where evil does not exist if I win?" Blanc asked her with a serious expression. "...You're indeed the right choice... Well then, that's possible, at least for another thousand of year until the next game... I'm surprised though, even the last ï½¢White Kingï½£ only wished for himself... You're really kind, Blanc" Everything suddenly turned white and Blanc woke up on his bed. "...Is that a dream? It's too realistic to be a mere dream..." He then saw a piece of paper beside him. =================== The Game's Rules 1. You win the game if your opponent's ï½¢Kingï½£ die or give up. 2. ï½¢Chessmanï½£ are the ï½¢Kingï½£'s army which will protect the ï½¢Kingï½£ and chosen by the ï½¢Kingï½£. 3. To turn someone into your ï½¢Chessmanï½£, just say "I hereby declare you as my [insert the rank here]" and he/she must say "I accept your declaration". You can only turn someone into a ï½¢Chessmenï½£ if he/she share the mutual interest as you. That means you can't force someone to be your ï½¢Chessmenï½£. 4. ï½¢Chessmanï½£ has their own rank and power which you can see below - Rook (Max. 2). Possess a multiplied power of something that he/she already had (example : multiplied strength, multiplied speed) - Knight (Max. 2) : Possess a weapon that surpass any kind of weapon that human ever created (example : unbreakable sword) - Bishop (Max. 2) : Possess a power that humans actually will never have (example : shooting fireballs from hand) - Queen (Max. 1) : Possess the same power as ï½¢Bishopï½£ and ï½¢Rookï½£ (has 2 powers). Must be female. Can't go farther than 100 meters from the ï½¢Kingï½£. - Pawn (Max. 8) : Possess no power but can be promoted into another ï½¢Chessmanï½£ if that other ï½¢Chessmanï½£ died. A promoted ï½¢Pawnï½£ can't be exchanged by another ï½¢Pawnï½£ 5. ï½¢Kingï½£ himself doesn't possess any power. 6. No time limit in this game. 7. A ï½¢Chessmanï½£ can't hurt their own ï½¢Kingï½£ and will absolutely obey any kind of order the ï½¢Kingï½£ give to him/her. 8. The Angel and Demon are not allowed to give any kind of information regarding their respective's opponents. =================== "....So that Angel selfishly decided that I'll join the game..." Blanc sighed. "Well... At least with this, my wish will be granted..." "I heard that you know..." Blanc startled. "I'll live inside your body till this game end, please take care of me~" --- Somewhere in mansion deep in the forest... "And that's how it is..." the Demon talked to a young man after he woke up. "So you're saying that's not a dream and you're now inside me...? This sucks..." That young man scratched his head. "So, if I win this game for you, you'll grant my wish right?" "Well of course... That's part of the deal..." "Then I want you to give me this Human Realm, make it so every human being won't be able to disobey me" "...Alright, I'm satisfied just to enslave that cocky Angel... But I can't believe that your wish is such a petty wish... That's like the wish of a third-class villain..." "After you grant my wish, I'll order all humans to kill each other, rape their own family, and all kind of beautiful things~" that young man smiled. "...Why would you do that...? What kind of grudge do you have against humanity? There's a place like that already... We call that HELL you know..." "Ahaha, Demon-san, you have so many question, question, and question huh? I'll ask you another question then, why GOD created this world before he died?" "...I don't know..." "That's exactly the answer to your previous question!" That young man hopped from his bed and looked out the window. "I wonder what kind of person the other ï½¢Kingï½£ is..." Chapter 2 Spoiler:"...Hey, Angel-san" Blanc whispered to the Angel inside his body on the way to school. "Yes, my dear ï½¢White Kingï½£?" the Angel replied from inside his body, it's as if someone's directly talked inside Blanc's mind. "It has been around 2 weeks since you came... But nothing happened. Well, the only informations are in this piece of paper after all.." Blanc took a piece of paper from before. "In here, there're some rules about this game, and behind it, there're some notes about the other ï½¢Kingï½£..." "Yes, and I think it's enough right?" "... From what's written in this paper, the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ has the same birthdate and blood type as mine, a male, and also live in this country, Japan. And the ï½¢Kingï½£ and his ï½¢Chessmenï½£ won't be able to leave Japan right?" "That's right... This country, Japan, is the ï½¢Chessboardï½£ after all" "Well... I hacked into Japan's ministry of education site, and I found around 20 other students that have same birthdate and blood type as mine... Can't you tell me any other specific traits from this ï½¢Black Kingï½£?" "The rules clearly said I can't right? Though I can tell you one thing, he's the exact opposite of you" "What do you mean?" "...If you're a kind person who want to turn this world into paradise, then ï½¢Black Kingï½£ want to turn this world into hell... I think he's worse than ï½¢Black Kingsï½£ from previous games... It was the first time I saw someone who's as evil as the Demon..." "Ah, let's continue later, I already arrived at school" Blanc quietly whispered to the Angel. --- In the class, the female students look happy, Blanc overheard them. "So there'll be a new transfer student... That's good, this class will be merrier now" Blanc quietly said to himself. "Okay, sit down everyone" the teacher opened the class' door. "We're having a new transfer student today, come inside, Masagawa-san" A male student stood in front of the class. He bowed down. "Nice to meet you. My name is Masagawa Kabuto" his face showed no emotion. "Masagawa-san is a talented kendo player, he even won some tournaments before. So don't even try to bully him, okay?" "He's kinda emotionless huh..." a girl in class whispered "Eeh~ But I like this cool type~~ And he's also a kendo player..." another girl blushed "Masagawa-san! Do you have a girlfriend?" and another girl directly asked him... "Well then, quiet now everyone, you can ask him anything later after class. Hrm... You can sit on that chair behind Shirokami-san. And Shirokami-san, you're the class rep right? Please show him around the school later, will you?" the teacher called to Blanc. "Ah, of course, sensei" Blanc smiled at Kabuto. "Nice to meet you, Masagawa-san" "...Please call me Kabuto" Kabuto replied back, bowed a bit, and sit on his chair. --- At lunch time, all the students asked many questions to Kabuto, but Kabuto only answered some questions, and then he said he had a stomachache so he went to infirmary. He told Blanc that he'll be waiting on rooftop after the classes are over so Blanc can show him around the school. After the classes are over, Blanc went to the rooftop. "Ah, sorry for the wait Masa-- I mean, Kabuto-san, I was taking care of--" before he finished, Kabuto suddenly try to hit him with his wooden sword. Blanc barely avoided it. "Don't tell me you're..." Blanc already thought something's weird. Kabuto's appearance are too sudden, and it's still halfway of the second semester. "...So you're the ï½¢White Kingï½£ huh..." Kabuto readied his wooden sword. "I'm sorry... But the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ told me to take your life..." --- In a mansion deep in the forest, the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ is sipping his Earl Grey tea. And a classic song can be heard from his gramophone. "Sir... According to ï½¢Black Rookï½£ Nerves, Kabuto is the one who meet the ï½¢White Kingï½£..." an old butler reported to that young man, but the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ didn't seem to hear him. "Urm... Sir..." ï½¢Black Kingï½£ looked at the butler, and then he pulled out the earphone from his ears. He didn't listen to the classic song from the gramophone, and instead an anime song can be heard from his earphones. He then smiled at the old butler. "Ah... Yes... Like I said, Kabuto is..." ï½¢Black Kingï½£ put his hand on the old man's mouth. "So you did hear me huh... Well then, if you'll excuse me" The butler stepped out of the room. But the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ stopped him. He then said something to the old butler. "As you wish..." the butler picked up his cellphone. "...Nerves, kill all other people that we sent beside Kabuto. They're useless now... Yes, yes, it's his wish" The butler put his cellphone back into his pocket. "It's done, sir" The ï½¢Black Kingï½£ told the butler to leave, he then increased the volume of his gramophone, and put his earphone again... Chapter 3 Spoiler:Chapter 3 "So.. You're actually one of the ï½¢Black Chessmanï½£?" "No... I am not. But I must follow his order... If not..." Kabuto gritted his teeth. "If not, what?" Blanc asked, but he actually already grasped the situation. The ï½¢Black Kingï½£ threatened Kabuto, but looking at Kabuto's cold personality, it's not his life, but maybe something precious to him. "....." Kabuto didn't say anything. He suddenly jumped forward and attacked Blanc. "GUHAARRGH" that attack hit Blanc's stomach, and he fell down. "It's Masagawa-style's technique, ï½¢Crawling Snakeï½£" Kabuto put his wooden sword on Blanc's neck. "...I heard that if you give up, then there's no need for me to kill you... So how's it? You want to give up?" "Okay... I give up..." Blanc kneeled down and raised his hands. "Yeah, like hell I'll say that!!" Blanc grabbed Kabuto's wrist, and then threw him to the ground. After that, Blanc striked a punch into Kabuto's stomach. Blanc jumped away from Kabuto, and prepared himself with a stance. "Kuh... That is..." Kabuto spitted. He's holding the pain in his stomach. "This is a martial art that I learned when I was still in Iraq... There's no way a mere child can live without learning something like this...." Blanc changed his stance. "This is the most brutal martial art that's utilized for military... Combat Sambo" Kabuto readied his wooden sword again. "...He only told me a bit about this stupid CHESS game... But one of your wish will be granted if you win right? What's your wish?" "...I want to turn this world into paradise, where people won't suffer anymore... I saw and experienced what you can say a living hell, and I don't want anyone else to experience it too..." Kabuto stared into Blanc's eyes, there's no lies in them. "...If it's you... Maybe you can..." he quietly whispered. Then he glared at Blanc. "This one, will be my strongest attack. If you can handle this, then I'll admit my defeat..." "Masagawa-style technique's...." before Kabuto finished, Blanc already jumped forward and pinned him down. His arms are locked now. "Guh-- You, coward...!" "No I am not" Blanc tightened his grip. "In true battle, there's no rule right? And I indeed handled your technique, by attacking you before you finished" "Okay... I'll admit my defeat..." Kabuto put his wooden sword down. Blanc kicked it away "Sigh... That's tiring..." Blanc sit down on the floor. "So... What did the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ used to threaten you?" "!!" Kabuto surprised. He didn't know that Blanc already found out about his situation. "...ï½¢White Kingï½£, your intelligence indeed on par with the ï½¢Black Kingï½£...." "Ah, just call me Blanc. This ï½¢White Kingï½£ stuffs really confused me after all..." Blanc stood. Walked to his bag, took a bottle of water and drank it. "..Okay then, Blanc. Actually... ï½¢Black Kingï½£ has my little sister with him..." "So, he kidnapped her?" "No... To be exact, my little sister is one of the ï½¢Black Chessmanï½£... And I think you already know right? According to the rules..." Before Kabuto finished his sentence, Blanc spoke. "I know, it's the seventh rule. 'A ï½¢Chessmanï½£ can't hurt their own ï½¢Kingï½£ and will absolutely obey any kind of order the ï½¢Kingï½£ give to him/her.' right?" "Yeah... The ï½¢Chessmanï½£ can't disobey their ï½¢Kingï½£. Their body won't be theirs anymore. That means, if the ï½¢Kingï½£ order them to shoot their head. Their body will move on their own, grab a gun, and shoot their head." "So, he threatened you by saying something like 'kill the ï½¢White Kingï½£ or I'll kill your sister' am I right?" Blanc calmly replied. Kabuto stunned. Blanc already understood everything even before he explained. He then kneeled down in front of Blanc. "I BEG YOU! PLEASE SAVE MY SISTER!!" "...Yeah, don't worry, I'll save her... I want to put an end to this game, once and for all. So stop kneeling please" Blanc looked at Kabuto. "How about become one of my ï½¢Chessmanï½£? You'll have power right?" "No... After I saw what happened to my sister, I still can't.... I don't fully trust you too..." Kabuto shook his head. "But I can help you to meet the ï½¢Black Kingï½£" "How?!" even Blanc surprised. He indeed planned to make Kabuto say everything he knows about ï½¢Black Kingï½£ and his ï½¢Chessmanï½£ but he didn't expect to meet him. "This weekend, I'm supposed to report to him. I can take you there..." Kabuto suddenly realized something. "No... You must be thinking that I'm lying right? I was your enemy a few minutes ago after all..." "No, I'll believe you. Even if it's a trap, I'll still go, I don't have any other idea on how to find him after all" "...Okay... Then tomorrow after school, let's meet again... I'll tell you everything that I know... Let's just go rest tonight" Kabuto opened the door, and went away. Blanc grabbed his backpack and went home. "That guy didn't lie... But I think you already knew, huh?" the Angel suddenly spoke. "...Is it okay for you to tell me about that?" "Well~ I only gave my opinion after all of these thousand years of experience...." "Well, yeah. I'm 90% sure that he didn't lie... He didn't fight me seriously. If he was serious then maybe right now, the ï½¢Blackï½£ side would be the winner" Blanc arrived at home. After he got into his bedroom, fell asleep, it has been a long time since he do something like "fighting" after all. --- The day after, Blanc met Kabuto after the classes were over. They went to a cafe that Blanc frequently went to. "Oh my... How rare for Blanc-kun to bring his friend here~~" a maid came to their table to take their order. "Ahahaha... Please don't tease me like that, Rise-san." Blanc smiled at the maid. "Kabuto, this is Rise-san, the owner of this cafe, and Rise-san, this is Kabuto my new classmate." "Okay... Your name is Kabuto-kun right? Well then, shall I take your order?" After both of them ordered some drinks Kabuto started talking. "Are you sure this place is safe?" Kabuto half-whispered. Blanc sipped his tea and smiled. "Don't worry, the owner of this cafe know me. And I usually like to come here alone to enjoy some private quite time. So they always give me this table. In here, our conversation cannot be heard" "Good then..." Kabuto drank his green tea. "Now then, where should I start..." "Currently, ï½¢Black Kingï½£ already had 11 ï½¢Chessmenï½£" Kabuto stared into Blanc. "That means, you're at a disadvantage" "...So he already have almost all of ï½¢Chessmenï½£ that he need including some ï½¢Pawnsï½£ huh...." Kabuto snickered, "Khukhu... It seems though you're a genius, you still think like other people huh... No, you're wrong, ï½¢Black Kingï½£ is not normal. When I said 11 ï½¢Chessmenï½£ I actually meant 8 ï½¢Pawnsï½£ and 3 others" "What the... Why he collected ï½¢Pawnï½£ that doesn't have any power instead of other ï½¢Chessmenï½£ position?!" "That's why, I said that he's not normal right?" Kabuto closed his eyes. Then he looked at Blanc again. "As far as I know, there're 2 ï½¢Rooksï½£, and 1 ï½¢Bishopï½£... I don't know about the others, but my little sister, Masagawa Noiria, is a ï½¢Black Rookï½£. "How did you know?" Blanc asked him back. "Her power is a ï½¢Super Reflexï½£... She showed it to me once. She easily dodged some bullets that shot to her using machine gun. That's why." Blanc thought for a bit and then asked Kabuto again. "But a ï½¢Queenï½£ also possess the power of ï½¢Rookï½£. So are you really sure?" "Yeah, according to the rule, ï½¢Black Queenï½£ can't go farther than 100 meters from ï½¢Black Kingï½£ right? I met her in a landscape. And back then there're only 4 persons there. Me, my little sister, and 2 SPs that'll guard her. The ï½¢Black Kingï½£ took precaution in case I'm going to kidnap her I guess" "...Are you sure the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ didn't disguised himself as the SPs?" Kabuto sighed and replied. "You see... My sister went to an unknow place every night... So I got curious, and when I followed her, I met him, that ï½¢Black Kingï½£. He's a bit muscular, and his body's quite big too, around 2 meters tall. Back then, both the SPs are female with slender body. Even though both of them wore shades, it won't be him. He just can't be disguised as slender female you know..." "Okay, okay. It just that if he already has a ï½¢Queenï½£ then I'm at a total disadvantage. In chess' terminology, it would be ï½¢CHECK MATEï½£ you know?" Kabuto stood up. "It would be better for us if we don't talk or meet with each other outside of school until this weekend, it'll be dangerous. I can just hope that ï½¢Black Kingï½£ still thinking that I didn't find the right time to kill you and that's why you're still alive..." Blanc also stood up. "Okay then... Let's go home" Both of them paid for their drinks and they left the cafe. There's a girl that sit in the cafe, she has a ponytail hair and pinkish lips. She took out her cellphone from her handbag. "...Hello? This is me, Nerves... It seems like Kabuto's betraying us after all... I can kill both of them now..." A man replied back from the phone. "This is me, Mask. Wait a minute, I'll go and ask our ï½¢Kingï½£ first..." A few seconds later, that man spoke again. "Negative. Just observe them like how you usually do... This is a direct order from the ï½¢Black Kingï½£" "...I understand." that girl put her cellphone back into her handbag. "...Actually, what's my lord thinking...? Well, that's not my job to think. It's his. I only need to move according to his wish..." That girl paid for her orders, and left the cafe. Chapter 4 Spoiler:At last, it's the time. Today, Blanc will follow Kabuto to meet the ï½¢Black Kingï½£ for the first time... And it's weekend so they have no class. Both of them met at the park and then walked from there. "...Don't do anything, just follow me, okay?" Kabuto looked nervous. He betrayed that ï½¢Black Kingï½£ after all. Blanc smiled at him. "Don't worry..." Both of them then arrived at a building. It's a discotheque. And there're two scary looking muscular mem standing in front of the entrance door. "Hey, hey, go away you kids. This is not the place for toddlers like you!" one of them shouted at Blanc and Kabuto while the other laughed. "......" Kabuto didn't say anything and hand them a piece of paper that looked like an invitation. Both of them then turned pale. "We... We're very sorry!! We- We don't know that you're a VIP member... Please, by all means, go inside!!" both of the muscular men kneeled down. "Let's go, ï½¢White Kingï½£.... I mean, Blanc..." Both of them went inside the disco. Then walked into the bar. There's a young female bartender there. She looked at Kabuto and then took out a PDA from her pocket. She then typed something in there. Hello there, if I'm not wrong, you're Kabuto-san right? Noiria-sama's older brother... Ah, I'm sorry about this but I'm a mute. I can't speak. So I use my PDA like this... If you're here then you must be finished with your mission... May I ask who's this guy?? "You know... About the mission that he had?" Blanc stared at her. She smiled and typed again. That look... I guess you're the ï½¢White Kingï½£? My... I can't believe Kabuto-san will disobey the ï½¢Black Kingï½£... Nice to meet you then. I'm one of Noiria-sama's bodyguard, and also the ï½¢Black Bishopï½£. My name is Night. "!!!" Blanc startled and looked at Kabuto who also startled too. "I... I don't know that she's a ï½¢Black Bishopï½£... I do know that she's one of Noiria's bodyguard though... She's one of the SP that came with Noiria when I met her..." Well then, if both of you gentlemen will please follow me. The three of them are going into a door behind the bar. After they walk through a narrow path, they appeared at a room. A room with white floor, wall, and ceiling. There's nothing there but a throne on the other side of the room. And there's also another door behind the throne. Night locked the door and put the key in her cleavage. Then 3 persons came out of the room. A muscular big man, a man with mask, a girl in maid uniform, and a girl in ninja clothes. The big man sit on the throne and then grinned. "SSSOOOO... YOU'RE THE ï½¢WHITE KINGï½£??!!" Blanc astonished. The man's voice is really loud and hurt his ears. Maybe it's also because it's an empty room so the voice echoed. But Blanc immediately stood back and glared at that big man. "Yes... My name is Blanc. Shirokami Blanc. And I am the ï½¢White Kingï½£. "Hooo... Nice to meet you then... My name is Osteum Korp. And I am the ï½¢Black Kingï½£..." he then pointed at people beside him. "The one with mask is... Well, just call him Mask, he's my ï½¢Black Pawnï½£. This girl here in ninja clothes is Nerves the ï½¢Black Rookï½£. While the one in maid uniform... I think that guy beside you know her the best right?" Blanc looked at Kabuto. "Don't tell me, she's..." Kabuto nodded. "Yes, Masagawa Noiria, my little sister" Noiria smiled at Kabuto. "Nice to meet you again, Aniki... I'm kinda disappointed though... It's a pity that you betrayed us..." Kabuto gritted his teeth. He took the wooden sword from his bag and then throw it away at Osteum. But Osteum punched away his wooden sword and it broke into pieces. "You think that tiny sword can hurt me?! YOU FOOL!!!" Osteum shouted. "AND HOW DARE YOU BETRAYED MEEE!!!!" "...." Blanc didn't say anything. He just stood there, trying to analyzed this situation. He then looked up. "Can you stop this facade?" Osteum startled. "Wh- What are you talking about?!" Blanc sighed. "You see... There's just no way you're the ï½¢Black Kingï½£... I can't see you as someone who's the same age as me.... And what's more, from my analysis, ï½¢Black Kingï½£ is the type of person who'll arrogantly, but gallantly, talk to me... Not someone stupid who's angry just because he's betrayed by one of his supposedly useless slave..." Blanc then pointed at the masked man. "You are, the real ï½¢Black Kingï½£. Am I right?" The man in mask snickered. "My deepest apology, ï½¢White Kingï½£... But no, I'm really just a mere ï½¢Black Pawnï½£..." "Don't you try to lie... It's obv--" before Blanc finished his sentence, he shivered. It's as if he's a deer who's being stared by a lion. No... There's no killing intent. So it's more like someone's looking at him as if he's an useless trash. "SO YOU'RE...!" Blanc looked back. Night is there, standing in front of him. Night smiled. She slowly walked into the throne. She then took of her clothes... Her breasts are fake pads. Night is actually a male. Osteum stood up and kneeled in front of Night. The others but Kabuto and Blanc also did the same. Night sat on the throne and looked at Blanc. ("Nice to meet you~~ Let me re-introduce myself. I'm Night, the current ï½¢Black Kingï½£) There's a cheerful and childish voice coming out from him. But his lips didn't move at all. "Ventriloquism huh..." Blanc calmly stood. "Huh? It's that technique where you're speaking using your belly and making it looks like a doll is talking instead of you right?" Kabuto confused. "No... Ventriloquism indeed literally translated from latin as belly speak... But it's actually talking using your mouth while skilfully doesn't let your lips move. And there's another technique to 'throw' the voice to the doll... Usually when a ventriloquist speak like that, he doesn't use his real voice..." ("Very nice~ You're a genius indeed~ Yup, this is not my real voice. I don't think you worthy enough to listen to my noble and awesome voice~") Night looked really cheerful and happy. He smiled all the time and didn't move his lips even once when speak. ("Ah well... Usually when I play chess game, I kill all of the other chessmen but king first... Then enjoying my time to kill the king... But this time, you're alone... So I'll kill you~") "...Darn it..." Blanc prepared to run away, but he knew it's impossible. The door is locked after all. ("Oh yeah... Before that... Maaasskk-chaaaannn~~~~) Night point at Mask. Mask stood up. "Yes, Night-sama..." Then he took out a gun from his jacket's pocket. He then gave it to Night. ("And you too Os-chan~~~") Osteum walked and stood in front of Night. Night then aimed the gun at Osteum's head and pulled the trigger. ("This is because you did a crappy job when you pretended to be me~") "BANG" Loud sound of gun echoed around the room. Blood comes out of Osteum's forehead and he fell down. "You're crazy..." Blanc gazed at Night eyes. There's nothing there but joy and happiness. Just like the eyes of a child that just played with a toy... But suddenly, Osteum stood back. Nerves gave him a handkerchief and he ripped it off and tied it around his head. Like a bandage. "What the..." Blanc and Kabuto couldn't say anything other than that. "OUCHOUCHOUCH... THAT WAS HURT..." Osteum looked at Blanc and Kabuto. "Hey... C'mon... For hell's sake I'm a fucking ï½¢Black Rookï½£!! And this is my power... ï½¢Diamond Boneï½£, my bone's as hard as a diamond, small weak bullet like that won't be able to go through my diamond skull!!" ("Ah, yeah, that is your power huh, Os-chan, I completely forgot about that~~") Night threw away the gun, and Mask catch it. "What do you mean by you forgot??! Then what you did just now is---!!!" Kabuto couldn't hold his anger. Night's personality to just threw away people like trash disgust him. But then Blanc held him down. "No... Calm yourself, Kabuto. He's someone who's able to make such a cunning plan... There's no way he forgot.... But now the problem is, there's also a chance that your little sister..." before Blanc finished, Night started to spoke. ("Ah, yeah, Noiria-chan is not a ï½¢Black Rookï½£. She's my ï½¢Black Queenï½£ actually") "As I thought... If he disguised himself as one of the SP who went with your little sister then it's possible" Blanc calmy explained to Kabuto. While Kabuto is totally enraged. "BUT... BUT!!!! THAT OSTEUM GUY, HE'S THE ï½¢BLACK KINGï½£!! I SAW IT!!! I FUCKING SAW IT WHEN I FOLLOWED HER!!" "...I know that you followed me Aniki... Once I realized that, I sent a message to Night-sama and he told me to pretend that Osteum-san is the ï½¢Black Kingï½£. And what's more, back then I still a normal human, not a ï½¢Black Queenï½£ so the 100 meters rule was still invalid. I still can't believe that you joined us afterwards though, Night-sama already predicted this...." ("Os-chan, kill them~") Osteum jumped and tried to crush Blanc and Kabuto using his whole body, and of course it would be fatal because his bones are as hard as diamond. But suddenly the door behind them are destroyed and 2 shadows pulled Kabuto and Blanc. "FUUUCK..!!" Osteum prepared to chase them but Night stopped him. ("...Demon-chan, who're those?") "Ah... Well.. Sorry but I can't answer that. It's against the rules... I can't believe that those two will be able to come though..." the Demon replied from inside of Night's body. ("AAWWWW Now all of the fun is breaking~~~") Night walked to the back door. ("Let's go home today, guys... Even if I win against that ï½¢White Kingï½£, if it's in this condition, it won't be fun at all~~") All of the ï½¢Black Chessmenï½£ bowed down and followed Night. --- "Are both of you alright?" in a car not too far from the discotique, one of the person that helped Blanc and Kabuto spoke. The one who spoke is a woman that's around 20 years old. "For now, let's go quite far from here... Can you do it Ryunaga-kun?" "Khekhek, everything for you my love" the other person whose drove the car is a man who seems to be around 20 years old too. "Who- Who are you guys?" Blanc startled. The woman smiled. "I'm ex-ï½¢White Bishopï½£ while that man over there is an ex-ï½¢Black Knightï½£" "EEEEHHHHH???!!!!" both Kabuto and Blanc shouted. Chapter 5 Spoiler:"Wait a minute... That means both of you are over 1000 years old?" Blanc started to doubted both of them. "You know that a wish will be granted for all ï½¢Chessmanï½£ in the winner's side right?" that woman smiled again. "Well, my wish is to stop my body from ageing... The previous ï½¢White Kingï½£ asked me to help the next generations. This doesn't mean I'm immortal though, I can still die from sickness, and can still be killed like any other human" "That doesn't explain about that man over there," Kabuto pointed at the man who drove the car. "You said he's a ï½¢Black Knightï½£ right? The ï½¢Blackï½£ side lost in previous fight..." "That's because of my power as ï½¢Black Knightï½£ stupid asshole" that man scornfully replied. "Even if you're in the losing side, it doesn't mean that you'll lose your power... The more you know huh, kiddie boy?" "Wait... So even after the fight is over, you'll still have your power?!" Blanc gritted his teeth, then half-shouted. "You didn't tell me about this, Angel!!" "Don't be mad, my ï½¢Kingï½£. You did not ask, and so I did not answer." the Angel replied from his body. "We can't hear what the Angel is saying but I think she gave you some ridiculous reason right? Just bear with it okay? The Angel also have some rules to follow." that woman patted on Blanc's head. "Well then, let's re-introduce ourselves, I'm Forseti, Justicia Forseti. And that guy is Ryunaga Dragoo. No need for you guys to introduce yourself though, we already know~" "...You said you're still alive because of your power right? What's you power?" Kabuto spoke to Ryunaga. "Huh? You think I'll tell a brat like you about that? That's a ï½¢Chessmanï½£'s ace card, not something that you can find out for free!! And you're not even a ï½¢Chessmanï½£!" Ryunaga pulled our his tounge. "Well then, while waiting until we arrive, why don't you both sleep? It'll take another few hours to get to our place, and we don't want you guys to look sleepy in our conversation later" Forseti clapped her hands. "No, thank you, I still can't trust both of you after all." Kabuto still being cautious. "You can sleep if you want to though..." Kabuto looked at Blanc. Blanc shook his head, "It's okay, I also don't feel sleepy." "Well, whatever, just make sure to not be sleepy later" Forseti put on her earphone and listened to music from her iPod. Around 4 hours later, all of them stopped in front of a ruin... It seems like it was a mansion. "We'll be safe here... Let's get out of the car." The four of them walked into the mansion, and then arrived in a spacious room. There's a TV, some canned foods, a computer, and also some dusty sofa there. "Well, sit down, no need to be nervous." Forseti pointed at the dusty sofa. Blanc and Kabuto sat on the sofa. And Ryunaga sat on the chair in front of the computer and did something. "After all these 1000 years, we have our own information network, that's how we found you guys." Forseti put 2 cups of tea and a plate of cookies on the table, then sat down on the sofa in front of Blanc and Kabuto. "So... What do you know about the ï½¢Blackï½£ side?" Blanc bluntly asked her. "...Haha, you're indeed suitable to be a ï½¢Kingï½£. You can instantly adapted to this kind of situation." Forseti sipped her tea. "I can tell you, but not that boy over there, he's not related to this game after all." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! MY LITTLE SISTER IS..." Kabuto raged but Forseti glared back at him. "Yes, your little sister is the ï½¢Black Queenï½£ and what are you doing? You're afraid to become a ï½¢Chessmanï½£. What do we call people like this again, Ryunaga-kun?" Forseti looked at Ryunaga. Ryunaga raised his hand but he still looked at the computer. "A FUCKING PUSSY." Forseti smiled. "Well, you heard what he said. That's what you are..." "B- BUT..." before Kabuto could talk, Forseti pointed a gun at him. "I'm sorry, but this also means you can betray us anytime you want. So...." "STOP IT!" Blanc smacked the table. "We can believe Kabuto, don't worry." "Yeah, yeah, whatever. But that guy is fucking useless, he's not a ï½¢Chessmanï½£ after all." Ryunaga looked at them for a moment, but then looked at the computer again. "...Then I'll become one." Kabuto kneeled down. "But please, help my sister!! I beg you!!" Forseti looked at Blanc. "So? What're you going to do, ï½¢White Kingï½£?" Blanc just kept silent for a few seconds, but then he stood up. "Are you sure about this, Kabuto? Then, what position do you want?" "...I'll believe in you, please choose one that will let me take my sister back..." Blanc walked to Kabuto. "If I follow the real chess game's rule, then there's only one piece that not even the queen can imitate." "Masagawa Kabuto, I hereby declare you as my ï½¢White Knightï½£" Suddenly Blanc's body glowed, and the Angel came out from his body. Forseti looked up to the Angel. "This is so nostalgic...." "Masagawa Kabuto, please say 'I accept your declaration' if you agree... This is your last chance to reject it, once you accept you will obey Shirokami Blanc as your ï½¢Kingï½£, even after this battle is over, and you can't disobey his orders. Your body will automatically do it even if your mind rejected it. I'll grant one wish of yours if the ï½¢Whiteï½£ side win. But if you die in this game then both of your body and soul will perish from this world." Without any hesitation Kabuto replied. "I accept your declaration" Some kind of blue glowing ball took form in front of Kabuto. "Because you're a ï½¢Knightï½£, you may receive this as your weapon. Touch it. It's power and form will be manifested from your mind, and your nature. You may or may not tell others about your power, it's your own nature after all..." Kabuto touched that glowing ball and then it slowly changed it's form into a katana. Kabuto then touched that katana and something got into his head. "...So, the information about my own power will be automatically transferred into my head..." Kabuto held the katana and whispered. "Minimize." The katana turned into bracelet. "A ï½¢Knightï½£'s weapon has 2 forms, it's real form to use for battle, and other form so it'll be easier to carry, convenient right?" the Angel looked at Blanc. "I hope the next ï½¢Chessmanï½£ will be someone interesting too" she then got inside of Blanc's body again. Blanc looked at Kabuto. "What's that katana's power?" Kabuto didn't reply. "...It's okay if you don't want to answer, I won't... Well, order you to tell me. No one wants other people to know his true nature right?" Kabuto nodded slightly. "Thank you for that" "Heh, great, at least you're making yourself useful." Ryunaga stood up. "I'll teach you later how to use your sword in real battle boy, a kendo technique won't work well in a live or death situation. I'll teach you what a real swordsmanship is..." Before he finished his line, suddenly a loud 'beep' sound came from the computer he worked on before. "FUCK!" He sat down and looked at the computer. "...It seems like our spy is busted, the current ï½¢Black Kingï½£ is quite a pretty fucking cunning cunt." Forseti sipped her tea again and wore a serious expression. "Shall we save him?" "Yeah, I'll prepare the car" Ryunaga walked out. Forseti looked at both Blanc and Kabuto. "Any of you here can ride a motorcycle?" Blanc raised his hand. "Ah, I can, I know how to." "Good" Forseti threw a key to Blanc. "There's a motorcycle outside in the park behind this mansion, there's a GPS installed inside it too, for now just use it and go home and go to school like usual, we'll contact you again later" Forseti ran and followed Ryunaga. Blanc and Kabuto just stood still and then they looked at each other. "Well then, let's just listen to them for now" Blanc put the key in his pocket. "Don't forget, you'll need more ï½¢Chessmenï½£ too..." Kabuto followed him. "Yeah, I know." ---- "My lord... What should we do with him?" Mask pointed at the old butler who usually served Night. That old butler is tied to a chair and he shook in fear. "Pl.. Please... Please forgive me..." the old butler, who named Sekapa, begged for his life. "You seee~ I'm really really really really disappointed in you Sekapa-jiichan" Night bit on his chocolate bar then stared on Sekapa. "You, who served me for around 3 years, are actually a spy~? And you worked with people from 1000 years ago? C'mon..." "Osteum, please do you job then, I still have some more important stuffs to do... Like reading that manga that I just bought~" "Yes, of course" Osteum walked in front of Sekapa, who begged and begged for forgiveness. Osteum smiled, "Sorry grandpa" Mask and Night walked out of the room, a scream can be heard from that room. "You see, Mask, do we already find the location of the ï½¢White Kingï½£?" Night walked through the corridor of a mansion, Mask walked beside him. "Not yet, very sorry about that..." Night shrugged and pulled out another chocolate bar from his pocket. "Well, sometimes this kind of slow game is interesting too~~" Chapter 5.5 (BLANC'S PAST) [spoil]10 years ago, in Iraq. "Papa... Mama... What are we doing here? It's stink here" little Blanc and his parents are inside a sewer, hiding from people who chased after them. His mother smiled and patted his head. "Please be patient okay dear? We're running away from some bad guys right now" "So, which way are we going now?" his father asked his mother while looking at a map with the help of a small flashlight. "Let's see... We're planning to go to the town so it should be this way" "No" Blanc looked at the map. "This way should be better" Blanc pointed at a direction. Both of his father and mother clammed up. "Why you know about that dear?" his mother asked him. "Because the bad guys are searching for us right? So I just thought maybe they'll wait for us if we use the shortcut. That's why it'll be better if we walk a bit longer but safer right?" His father put his finger on Blanc's mouth. "You're still 8 years old Blanc, no need for you to worry about us. But you're right... Let's go this way then." Blanc pouted, and his mother just smiled. "Your father isn't angry at you dear, he just want you to live like a normal boy. That's why we're running away from our workplace, so that can comes true." But Blanc still pouted, "But I was right!" He complained. His father hugged him. "Yes, that's right, you're never wrong, and that is also why we're running from those bad guys now, because you're never wrong...." tears started to pour from his father's eyes. "I'm sorry Blanc... I'm very sorry...." "Meh... Can you stop this? If I want to watch this kind of drama, I would rather watch it in a comfy bedroom, not in a stink sewer like this, alright?" Some people suddenly appeared. All of them wore black suits and brought some guns with them. The one who spoke pointed his gun at them. "Now, just come back with us, one of the world's smartest scientist Kuroyama Kaze and his wife, the famous researcher Kuroyama Aurore. And of course, bring your cute genius son too" "...Aurore, take Blanc with you" Kaze whispered to his wife, and put his hand into his pocket "EAT THIS!!" He threw a smoke bomb that he took from his pocket. All the men in black suit startled and Kaze appeared from behind the smoke. He punched one of the men with his fist, then using his elbow he knocked another one. "Blanc, hurry let's go!" Aurore took Blanc's hand, and ran away. "Mama, what about Papa? There's no way he can win-" Aurore put her finger on Blanc's mouth. "He'll be okay, Papa is a great martial artist you know, he's a master at kempo" 2 other men suddenly appeared and ambushed them. Aurore then took out 2 handguns and shot the men on their head. "If you think a mother is weak, then you're totally wrong." Aurore then find a small passage, "Blanc, go inside, you already memorized the map right? Just follow this passage to the town, you'll be safe here. Mama and Papa will follow you later, I can't get inside here" Blanc wanted to say something, but he just nodded and follow the small passage. After he went away, some other men appeared. "If you guys think it'll be easy to defeat me, you're dead wrong" --- A few hours later, Blanc appeared out of a manhole. He's tired, thirsty, and hungry. He then walked into a corner, and muttered "Papa... Mama..." he then passed out. --- Blanc woke up. But he didn't wake up at the corner where he slept, he insted found himself on a bed inside a large tent, there's a plate of cookies and a glass of water on the table beside him. He immediately gobbled up all of them. "Hooo... You already wake up huh? You okay boy?" a muscular man with military uniform came into the tent, he spoke in English. "You understand what I'm saying right? My English is not really good, especially with this accent." "I understand, I'm not an European or American though. I'm half-Japanese and half-French." Blanc put his empty glass on the table. "Where is this? Where're Papa and Mama? You're with 'them' right?" "Whoa there, slow down young boy. I don't know where your Papa and Mama are, and I don't understand what do you mean by 'them' too" that man sit on the bed. "I know where this is though, this is the headquarter of 'White Ouroboros', the rebel group. I'm one of the mercenary that they hired. There're around 100 people here, and 10 of them are my people. It's a good thing you have that Asian blood with you, if you look like an American, those guys outside would shot you already" "So, you are the one who saved me? Urm..." that man smiled, "Worstworm, everyone call me that" "Okay, so you're the one who saved me, Worstworm?" Blanc asked him again. "Haha, yeah, you look just like my cat... He died a week ago." He then took Blanc's hand. "Hey, come outside, I'll show you around" Blanc shook his head. "Thanks, but I must search for Pap- I mean, my father and mother now, I'm sure they're waiting for me now in the town." Worstworm looked at Blanc, and then put his hand on Blanc's head. "The army bombarded the nearest town, where I found you, yesterday. You've been knocked out for three full days you know" Blanc stared at Worstworm, "No way..." But then, his genius brain told him that Worstworm didn't lie, he memorized many signs that'll show when someone lied, but none of them appeared on Worstworm's face. "Papa... Mama..." tears started to flow from his eyes. Worstworm patted Blanc's head, "I'm sorry to hear that boy. I undestand how you fe-" Blanc knocked Worstworm's hand. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!! NOTHING!!!" Worstworm wanted to say something but he stopped. He then walked outside, "Call me once you've calmed down, I'm right in front of this tent" he said before he walked out. Blanc kneeled on the bed, he cried and cried and then he fell asleep again. A few hours later, Blanc stepped outside the tent. Worstworm's there, talked to some other people in military uniform. "Hey, calmed down already boy?" "Yeah, and my name is not boy, my name is Blanc, Kuroyama Blanc". Worstworm smiled, and his friends laughed out loud. "A kid just scolded you, dude!" Worstworm lightly slapped his friend's face, "Hah, shut up you asshole!" He then walked to Blanc. "Are you alright? So, want to try living with us now?" "...I don't have any other choice, right?" --- A few months passed, and Blanc already blended well with the soldier. He found out that 'White Ouroboros' existed to fight the Iraq government. They thought that the government lied to them, and worked alongside America to suck the civilian's money. But Blanc could care less about it, he's already grateful enough to be saved. He also found out that Worstworm's the strongest bare-handed fighter among all the other soldiers there. Blanc often watched him training with his friends. "This is called 'Combat Sambo', a brutal martial art with only one rule. That rule is 'there's no rule' " Worstworm punched the wooden dummy in front of him. It shattered into pieces. "Teach me that" Blanc bluntly asked him. "Wha-? I just told you this is a 'brutal martial art' right?" Worstworm scratched his head. "I must take revenge on people who killed my mother and father, it's even better if it's more brutal." Worstworm sighed, then he looked at the sky. But then he looked at Blanc again. "Alright, I'll teach you everything that you need to know about Combat Sambo, but there's one thing you must promise me" "What is it?" Blanc raised his eyebrows. "Be kind, forget everything about revenge, it won't do you good. It never will. Yeah... Never..." "...Alright" Blanc nodded his head. "I don't believe you... Oh well, whatever." Blanc learned the Combat Sambo from Worstworm, whenever he got time, he practiced. He immediately understood everything because of his genius brain. Even Worstworm surprised. In a mere 3 months Blanc already learned almost all of the basic. --- That night is a silent and calm night, but then a loud sound came from outside. "INTRUDEEERRRSSS!!!!" All the soldiers ran out of their tent. But Worstworm and Blanc stayed inside their tent. Worstworm took out a walkie-talkie from the drawer "How many people are outside?" a sound replied from the walkie-talkie. "Only one, there should be no problem at all." Worstworm then put away his walkie-talkie. "Don't worry, all of the soldiers outside should be able to take care of it, it's only one person after all." A few minutes later, screams can be heard from outside. "What the hell happened outside?" Worstworm wanted to just run away outside and see what's happening, but he can't leave Blanc alone. Around 45 minutes later, things started to calm down. Worstworm thought everything's fine but then, a young girl that seems to be 13-15 years old stepped into their tent. She's covered in blood, and she held a knife that's also covered in blood. She wore a sailor uniform. "Hello~~ I'm surprised that there're another people here~~~" She smiled. "Urm~ I already killed 99 people outside~ Are there any other person beside you guys~?" "Y- you killed them all?" Worstworm ran outside the tent, many corpses lied outside, it's like the painting of hell itself. "I don't lie~" "Why... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!!" Worstworm grabbed the little girl's collar. She just smiled, "Money~~ I, my little sister, and my little brothers need some food~~ The government paid us a hefty sum of money to kill you all~~" Worstworm let go of her. He then walked to Blanc and patted his head. He smiled and turned back into that girl. "Hey, your order is to kill everyone in 'White Ouroboros' right?" That little girl nodded. "Then leave this guy alone, he's not one of us. I just took him because he looked like a pitiful puppy when I found him on the street" "Well~ If you say so~~ But I must kill you though~~ Your picture is in the target list~~" that little girl readied her knife. "Worstworm! No!" Blanc grabbed him. "Hey, now, let me go okay?" "No... Don't leave me... I don't want to be alone again..." He patted Blanc for the last time. "I'm glad I can meet you Blanc." Worstworm charged into that little girl, he's using his full power and tried to land a hit at that girl's face. That girl easily dodged it. "That's a feint little missy" He then tried to kick her while she's still in the midair. "YOU CAN'T DODGE IN MIDAIR!" That girl just smiled, she then use her knife to stab Worstworm's foot that almost hit her. She then use the impact from his kick to jump high. Then he took out another knife from her breast pocket and stab Worstworm's head from above. "N- No..." Blanc looked at Worstworm's body. He touched Worstworm's body. It's still warm, but it won't move. "He's dead you know~~" That little girl looked at him. He shivered, waiting to be killed. But that girl walked away from him. "I keep my promise~~" She then disappeared in the darkness. That night, Blanc shouted as loud as he could. --- In the morning, Blanc took some clothes and food, then he put it in a bag. There's a large mound inside his tent. "Bye-bye, Worstworm..." And after that, Blanc traveled by himself for 1 and half a year in Iraq, until the Shirokami couple, who's now his foster parents, adopted him. All those 1 and half a year he spent in Iraq, he used it to mastered his Combat Sambo, and he experienced what people could call 'hell'. Worstworm's words to him, always remembered by him. "Be kind, and forget everything about revenge." Although it's still a mystery why there's no one coming after him, like how they did when he ran away with his mother and father.

Pages 123

Jericho Antares FAKKU Writer

12 years ago

Breaking down ch.2 as per (ish) your request, Kuro. I'll mark changes with bold font.

Spoiler:

Rife with ellipses, this piece--a possibly unintentional nod to anime's distinctive style of writing. I fixed verb/word choice and some grammatical hiccups throughout. I'd suggest most getting used to using one period. I'm sorry if I'm wrong but I'm assuming from this that English isn't your first language. Despite this it was still very clear what you were getting at.

The plot itself didn't have many/any hiccups from what I read so it's cohesive. I'll hold my tongue on the subject matter since I don't much like the traditional anime styling.

Kuro vi Lolitannia

12 years ago

Yeah, English is indeed not my first language. I'm Indonesian :D

I do aggree that I used too many ellipsis thus I tried to change in the third and fourth chapter (though i still use plenty of it).

I learned some new useful words to add to my vocab now.. Thanks~ Rep+ Once I can

high_time

12 years ago

Okay there Kuro, I've read your story through from the Prologue to your latest chapter. Here's what I actually thought about it~

I personally didn't have any problems with your grammar and structure so it's all okay. Though you want to put some emphasis on the descriptions, they just felt like it's heavily structured around the dialogues that I can't really get much the detail about what's happening.

Try reading some light novels that fit your tastes and practice some writings using the way they laid it out as a reference, step by step...you can do it if you try!

Moreover, I felt like the story development is too fast without giving the readers chance to figure out what's really going on, I don't really like this kind of pacing because it renders the story as plain and dull (sorry but I really need to say this), you just missed some big opportunity to create an epicly dramatic suspense that could ensnare the readers in it. On why I did think so, here's my last point

Overall, amongst many other things I found quite lacking in your story, I did found the main idea and plot to be very intriguing. I honestly said that the Prologue and the Chapter 1 as really well written. Unfortunately, the preceding Chapters kind of destroys all the suspense that's woven in these skillfully crafted prologues.

I greatly recommend you try to rewrite it starting from Chapter 2 and this time, slow down the plot, give the readers some descriptions about what kind of environment they're currently been at before immediately jumping the bandwagon through. Extend it leisurely, make the readers relax as you narrate the entire background, give them comfort while reading through your description about the characters' actions, and let some room for their personalities to spark.

But, if you want to continue as it is, just feel free to do so.

Well, you've written an intriguing piece that has great potential. It's all up to how you develop it, that decides how bright it will shine in this writing community. Best of luck and keep on writing! =)

That comprises all of my thoughts about this story for now. If you have any further questions, feel free to consult me at the Writers' Lounge. I'll try to help in whichever way I can~

Kuro vi Lolitannia

12 years ago

Yeah... Actually, the first few chapters are the 'hasten' chapter that mainly 'explaining' the story, because from the start I planned to make the story progress starting from chapter 5.

Hope the next chapter will be good, and I'll try to slow down the plot too :D

Zandorf

12 years ago

I liked the chapters either way. ^-^)b

Owari no Sekai

12 years ago

I really like the idea. A lot.
But when I read about Blanc in chapter 1, my interest instantly drop to near zero.
In my opinion, you should never create a character that is too perfect like him, especially the main character. The readers gonna get bored real soon if he can solve any problem or overcome any difficulty just because he is... perfect. He is handsome, he had survived war, his intelligent is at genius level, to be honest, if I met him I would fall in love with him instantly.
It's just my opinion thought, I really like the prologue and the rule of the game, but there is something that bug me, about the queen.
You mean that the queen must be in 100 meters radius from the king in order to use her power? or is it that the queen can't leave the king no matter the circumstances? The former make more sense but I found the later strangely captivating.
Well, there is for chapter and I'm only halfway through, so I hope I can provide more insight and opinion if you allow me to. I created this account because of your work anyways.
P/S: I'm sorry if I happened to offense you, I do not really mean it. I'm not a native speaker, so my english is not very good.

Zandorf

12 years ago

Owari no Sekai wrote...

About the queen part. What I think is what's special about the 100 meter rule is that the queen cannot leave the side of the king. Kinda like a last line of defense for the kings. Just my thoughts though...

Owari no Sekai

12 years ago

100 meters radius can't really called last line of defense I think. It still a pretty wide area. Unless the opponent piece(s) pull off some ridiculous weapon like something that surpass even an atomic bomb

Zandorf

12 years ago

Owari no Sekai wrote...

It could be, given how far the Queen can go in Chess, and how much power the Queen has. And 100 meters isn't all that far really. And if the Queen is as powerful and fast as I think she is, then that 100 meter distance is more like 10 feet, or 3 meters. Just my opinion though. =-=)b

Owari no Sekai

12 years ago

The queen have a deadly weakness, it cannot jump over other pieces no matter how fast or how far she can travel

Zandorf

12 years ago

That is true. lol. It is the hardest rule to teach anyone when they learn chess. The Queen can move like any other piece, except the Knight. lol.

But I hardly think that that weakness is present in this game of Chess... or if it is, it's in the form of the 100 meters rule. Otherwise, the Queen could single handily win the game. ^^

Kuro vi Lolitannia

12 years ago

As you can see, Queen has the power of rook and bishop. The same as real chess, am I right?

The 100 meters rule is because the Queen's job is only to protect the king. That 100 meters rule is indeed still kinda wide, but this means they can't do a mission on their own. This is to represent what you said, that 'it can't jump over other pieces'. What'll happen to queen if they try to go outside this 100 meters radius? Will be explained later in story.

AND, all powers have weakness, not only for Queen, there're some limitations for each power, which of course I'll explain later. For example, 'can only do it if hold breath' that kind of limitation (I won't use this one in the story though, it's just an example).

And for Blanc, well, he's not really perfect. Well yeah, he's smart because that's the main point of the story, mind battle actually, but like what he said, Kabuto is actually stronger than him, but Kabuto had lots of stuff in his mind because of his little sister, so deep inside his heart, he actually want to lose.

I created 'Blanc' with 'Light Yagami' from Death Note in my mind after all~

I'll release next chapter soon just wait~ :3

Zandorf

12 years ago

Sweet, that answered a lot of questions. ^^

Can't wait for the next chapter. ^-^)b

Cinia Pacifica Ojou-sama Writer

12 years ago

Zandorf wrote...

Probably because of Rise. lol

What?

---------

Okay, so I saw the critique request on Jerry's thread and decided to give my review to you, note that I stopped after reading chapter 2, I have pretty much scrolled through what others told you and it seemed that they said mostly about the pros of your story, so I shall focus on the cons.

Kuro, your story's turn of events progressing feels like a replica of Madoka up to some extent, with the 100 meter rule, my thought on that can only solidify, but I'm not going to go any further on that one. The story feels bland with all the lack of emphasis, bad grammar (it should be "people" not "persons" in the prologue), overuse of ellipses, almost obvious things happening (that usually takes place in animes), and to top it all off, in the prologue; you changed from 1st person writing format to 3rd person, that's not how it works, stay consistent, and keep going with what you want to use for the story of the story. The base idea is simple and nice. In fact, it'd work well for an RP, lol.

On a side note, may I know why you write "God" in capital letters?

Since I'm the guy of the feeling of plot, let's get back to the part about your story feeling bland; to emphasize more on it, the grammar turns me off. It's not like bad grammar can ruins it, but the very structure made from the particularly n00b-ish way of writing is what makes the story reek of bland nature. There are inconsistencies in the story too, which is a really bad thing, some things don't make sense due to them sometimes, for which there's a loss of points from me for the story. Maybe some readers don't realizes them and just keeps on reading, and sometimes the writers, too, makes this mistake. I believe I saw the first one around the first chapter, but I forgot where it is... but yeah, you'll have to make sure that everything is in proper line with what you wrote on the other chapters (obviously).

The part about the protagonist having 300 IQ is nonsense to me... face it, have you ever heard of this IRL, ever? Even animes syncs with the real-life up to some extent, you know? Think about it, you're making the character too special, there are people I know who actually are pretty smart and intelligent but their IQ tests says otherwise, while it's not really important, or it being high doesn't really matter, there's no need to make it high either, just say something like 150 or something, I bet real scientists have similar IQ rating. Be more realistic, God dying sounds so very weird to me, especially on a story which screams there were only and only omnipotent God instead of many like in the Greek mythology, someone like that dying is just too strange. But I don't know what you plan to write in the later chapters to explain it later on, so good luck in making the story flow properly.

Making the main character perfect can be a major blow to the foundation of a story, ever heard of "Gary Stus," they are apparently the most hated characters in the world of literature, because they're so perfect and invincible. While your character seems to be someone who'll get beaten to the trash at some time. It is evident that he'll eventually be victorious in most of his important battles, while the prediction is true or not, you can't let your readers guess most of the things that will happen in the story. Or else all the excitement will soon evaporate, gotta keep them surprised, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, this is just my opinion, so don't get offended now; I'm not saying all this to spite on you or make your tale sound like like it's fully juvenile, just don't give up and keep improving. I'd recommend you to read more, other stories in this forum or some novels, books, etc. Keep a keen eye on the use of the words, see how the authors do it. And last of all, while you read, make sure to see how you're feeling while you're reading the story, if it's good; you know that the author is did a job at it, at least up to the part of the story you read. See how the others does it, learn from them, that is my advice.

Good luck.

Kuro vi Lolitannia

12 years ago

Urm. I used capital letter for God because... God's names are usually in capital letters.

And... May I ask, what does 100 meters rule related to Madoka? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't even think about Madoka when I wrote the story lol.

For the IQ part, it's indeed ridiculous and I already know about it from the start, it'll be explained later in the next chapters. And also the stuffs that don't make sense will be explained later too. I often make some mistakes when creating stories but I'm covering it by putting it in the flow of story later.

Overuse of ellipses is indeed totally my fault, and I'm fixing it starting from next chapter, and with grammars... Well, I'll try my best...

Cinia Pacifica Ojou-sama Writer

12 years ago

Kuro vi Lolitannia wrote...

Better to write "God" rather than "GOD."

Soul Gem, a Magical Girl's Soul Gem can't go more than 100 meters in distance from her, or else she can't control her body anymore.

Kuro vi Lolitannia

12 years ago

Chapter 5 here.

The next chapter will be an extra chapter about Blanc's past.

Zandorf

12 years ago

lolhohohohoh! Kabuto became the White Knight like I thought! This is getting interesting... and I hope the chapter on Blanc's past won't hurt the story too much.

Owari no Sekai

12 years ago

I'm starting think that you use way to much dialogue.

Zandorf

12 years ago

Owari no Sekai wrote...

I'm starting think that you use way to much dialogue.

Is that such a bad thing? Some anime are strictly dialogue.

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