[Contest Entry 2011] Lonely Hearts

TheWaywardMoogle · 2011-12-14T08:17:33-01:00

[Contest Entry 2011] Lonely Hearts [The screen flickers uneasily as the monitor turns on with a dull buzz. The cold green light was a welcome sight to the figure covered in heavy coats and rags. Working technology was a rarity since the bombs fell; with dirty hands he would quickly type a few words he knew] ::TerminalF4ku has joined the server:: TerminalF4ku: Hello? TerminalF4ku: Is anyone there? [Hope was all the figure had as it waited for some answer. Pulling down a scarf the figure’s face would be illuminated in the light from the monitor. It was a young man, his features lean and worn from worry and the hardships of living in the wastelands. The small blinking line on the screen seemed to beat with his heart. Feverishly he would type again.] TerminalF4ku: Please anyone respond, I’m looking for others, anyone? [Sitting back the young man would watch the screen. Hours seemed to pass as the blinking line marked the passing of the seconds. He had traveled from the outer fringes of the city to find something to stave off starvation or sickness, with the cold came the cold fingers of death and it was crucial as winter set in that he had some form of stable rations or shelter. That was when he had discovered this old but functioning terminal at a desk, an orange light blinking on the monitor, his eyes growing heavy the young man would rest his eyes.] ::TerminalE3pr has joined the Server:: TerminalE3pr: Hello? This is T-E3pr looking for anyone connected to Sever K1ra. [The young man would snap his eyes open as the terminal made an odd noise. A response awaited him on the glowing monitor and with eager hands he would type quickly, a anxious grasping sensation tugged at his heart as he feared he’d lose this new voice from somewhere far away] TerminalF4ku: Hello! Oh my god someone answered. TerminalF4ku: Who are you? Terminal F4ku: Where are you? TerminalE3pr: whoa whoa, calm down there. Let’s stay with the designations for now friend. You can call me E3pr, I’m another survivor like you. I’m holed up in an office building in what’s left of Chicago. TerminalF4ku: I guess that would make me F4ku. I think Chicago is pretty far from here, I’ve never heard of it. [with a weak smile the young man would rub his hands together, the slight friction causing the chill to leave his fingers, E3pr was the first person he had spoken to since his grandfathers death almost four years ago. Were they male? Female? Did it even matter? The questions kept coming but he knew he had to take it slow. If he lost this small contact he would lose his mind] TerminalE3pr: That doesn’t surprise me F4ku, the old world doesn’t exist anymore. Winter is coming. I usually check the servers this place has somehow kept running before the blizzards make communication like this impossible. Are you safe F4ku? TerminalF4ku: as safe as anyone else in the waste. But it is getting cold… TerminalE3pr: well…try and stay warm. Find those supplies and return to this terminal, I’ll do what I can on this side to keep the server functioning… TerminalF4ku: y-yeah your right, I promise I’ll be back E3pr. ::TerminalF4ku is Idle:: [Leaving the terminal with mixed emotions F4ku would pull up his scarf and journey out into the city. The snowfall was light still, cars only now beginning to shed the caked on dirt for fresh patches of white snow. Pulling out a make-shift dagger from beneath the folds in one of his many jackets he would cross the wide street to a store with boarded up windows, the word Jacob’s Cakes visible through the slats and charred metal. Before the bombs fell some people thought they could simply board up their shops and homes, just sit it out and survive…they were wrong. Gingerly F4ku would search the front of the shop before working his way around to an alley in the back. Noticing a fairly unreinforced door he would pocket his knife and pull out a small lock picking tool, kneeling he would begin working on the lock when from behind him he heard a menacing growl.] ::TerminalF4ku is Active:: TerminalF4ku: E3pr I TerminalF4ku: I messed up TerminalE3pr: what happened F4ku, talk to me what’s wrong? TerminalF4ku: I was attacked, some kind of dog. TerminalF4ku: it tore me up pretty bad, it looked sick. TerminalE3pr: oh god, F4ku how bad is pretty bad! TerminalF4ku: I’m bleeding, I think I’m going to throw up. TerminalE3pr: F4ku my name is Hailey TerminalE3pr: please don’t go offline stay with me! [The blood was warm and he wasn’t sure how much of it was his and how much of it had been from the diseased dog. His grandfather had warned him about the feral dogs and the kinds of diseases they carried. Already he felt the sickening nausea working its way through his stomach. His vision had already begun to blur and the cold was descending upon him quickly] TerminalF4ku: Hailey, my name is Kyle. TerminalE3pr: Kyle, that’s a good name, please keep talking to me Kyle TerminalF4ku: I’m really glad I was able to talk to someone like you. TerminalE3pr: don’t talk like that Kyle it’s ok, you’re going to be ok. ::TerminalF4ku has lost connection:: [Hailey would choke back a cry as she heard the familiar sound of the Server’s shutting down. She had tried her best to play things cool. Use designations, be friendly but guarded. F4ku/Kyle had been the first contact she had had. Another lonely heart out in the cold wasteland; Gone as fast as he had come into her life. Stepping away from the terminal she would sit back against a wall in the fairly organized office and cry.] ::End:: Referances: F4ku=Fakku E3pr=Esper (Final Fantasy) K1ra=Kira (Deathnote) Jacob's Cakes= Fakku's one and only Jacob!

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xninebreaker FAKKU Writer

12 years ago

Jericho Antares wrote...

xninebreaker wrote...

Wait wait wait!! Nonono, I feel that everyone is spinning this story in a bit of an odd direction. Whether or not this was intended, I read this story quite differently.

What I read was a that a man was fucking stranded for several months without social contact in an almost deserted world. Humans being very social creatures, this is pretty damn harsh. Upon finding contact with another living being (even if it was over a some sort of server), he creates this emotional connection with that person. THAT BEING SAID, upon his death, with the emotional connection he has built with the other person, he logs off so that the other person knows not to wait for him.

I feel like it's not that he's writing "goodbye" on a wall as he's dying, but that he knows he is going to die soon, so he saves the other person the time and heartbreak if he would have just been idle. Potentially more heartwrenching if he just stayed logged on, but you miss out on the touching action of logging out FOR the other other person, even though he could have potentially talked with the person for a bit longer.

This is probably just my imagination going wild, but I thought this story had a lot of underlying depth. Stuff you don't notice at first. The perspective, the setting, the descriptions, and the unique form of communication between the two that creates a normally impossiblly strong bond, but in such a devastating setting it happens.

Just think, these two have just exchanged a few messages. They could be thousands of miles apart. But, the two already become emotionally dependent on one another. Fucking boss story, even if this is just bullshit I'm making up.

Either of us could be right, as I said in my OP I could simply be reading it wrong myself. The interpretation (and discussion following) is half the fun.

The reason I came to my conclusion is that it seems in the italicized sections that Kyle is rapidly losing consciousness. It's hard to say if he had the presence of mind to do such a thing.

Hm, you present a very valid arguement! I had only taken into account that he had the ability to type to the other party, as well as the emotional connection that was established.

But yes, I agree that the interpretation is indeed half the fun! And the fact that this story has the ability to provoke several different interpretations is very interesting itself.

TheWaywardMoogle Wayward Pervert

12 years ago

wow I'm really happy to see such a conversation grow from this. and I encourage interpretation as Its just as fun for me as it is for you guys haha!

Find_Vega

12 years ago

Competition or not I really liked your story. I wish you set up a longer relationship between E3pr and F4ku. Other than that I truly enjoyed the read and post apocalyptic world. Its really harsh on realism and thats why I love it :3

Chronus14

12 years ago

Find_Vega wrote...

One trait of a gentleman is to acknowledge its competitor's work. I applaud you for that. if you are sincere.

ms.milkyway

12 years ago

I liked the Story^^

TheWaywardMoogle Wayward Pervert

12 years ago

I plan to write more in a short story thread called Tattered Memories: tales from post apocolyptica, and will follow a few select individuals like hailey as they survive the harsh unforgiving wastelands of america.

would anyone like a alt ending or additions to "Lonely Hearts" in the collection?

Find_Vega

12 years ago

Chronus14 wrote...

Find_Vega wrote...

One trait of a gentleman is to acknowledge its competitor's work. I applaud you for that. if you are sincere.

Sincerity is another form of insult to me in one sense like just getting "Its great" or something, kinda doesn't help anyone improve. I hope no one (including Wayward) took offense. I just spoke out my mind and it should simply be considered or disregarded. As writers it is a game of everlasting improvement :3 too much of good is bad and etc

TheWaywardMoogle Wayward Pervert

12 years ago

no no I took it as intended no worries =P I myself felt I should have written more and your comments only expressed something I myself felt I took no offense ^_^

TheWaywardMoogle Wayward Pervert

12 years ago

hey everyone I'm in the final poll along with fine_vega and others vote vote vote!

Mycroft

12 years ago

I love this story. One conversation and they're already connected. Such are the circumstances I suppose. Really heartbreaking.

high_time

12 years ago

Sorta reminds me of WALL E because of the robotic and post-apocalyptic thingy~

It's a pretty nice read and I like your unique storywriting style, the ending was tad unexpected and it shook me quite a bit, well done there =)

Good luck for the finals

Find_Vega

12 years ago

YES WE MADE IT! Best of luck to you Way! It's been such a pleasure!

3e978ab4d5e0057082425b9b7

12 years ago

An Interesting read. I certainly liked it :D

TheWaywardMoogle Wayward Pervert

12 years ago

Find_Vega wrote...

YES WE MADE IT! Best of luck to you Way! It's been such a pleasure!

right! i'm so excited to see us both on that poll list =3 *playfully competitively* I won't lose kupo!

and thank you Hattori/High_time/Mycroft!

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