Kirei na Hoshizora
43
mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
This story finally comes to an end. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
I present Kirei na Hoshizora.
pdf download link
I present Kirei na Hoshizora.
pdf download link
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Ah~
reminds me of that girl from The World God Only Knows. The pop Idol, whose name excapes me at the moment.
But anyway, you should try putting dialogue in a better layout rather than leaving inside the block of text.
Example:
It helps it by making it look a bit neater and not as cluttered and hard to read.
You could use a bit more descriptive writing here and there, but I guess for a random writing attempt. Pretty good.
reminds me of that girl from The World God Only Knows. The pop Idol, whose name excapes me at the moment.
But anyway, you should try putting dialogue in a better layout rather than leaving inside the block of text.
Example:
Spoiler:
It helps it by making it look a bit neater and not as cluttered and hard to read.
You could use a bit more descriptive writing here and there, but I guess for a random writing attempt. Pretty good.
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gurumao2 wrote...
Wait till Sora-chan reads this :3ive read it it was fun XD made me smile for the whole day ~chita!~
@mibu-kun at first i did recognize but i though i remember the story i think it has similarities to a manga ive read i think it was The World God Only Knows.
but it was really good didnt expect me to be the story but i really liked im going to save that and print out a page or to and put in my "SA" file's in my cabinet or in my mini library XD
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wha?huh?so random....
is it just me or the 2nd part kinda from "mon**** hun***" and 4th part's from "one*** teac***"??
maybe just my imagination.
is it just me or the 2nd part kinda from "mon**** hun***" and 4th part's from "one*** teac***"??
maybe just my imagination.
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mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
Blank_Zai wrote...
Ah~reminds me of that girl from The World God Only Knows. The pop Idol, whose name escapes me at the moment.
Lol, Nishihara Kanon? Well, the idea is indeed based on her. I read through the manga again and I thought why don't I try this kinda stuff~...and then after 30 mins of brainstorming and typing, well, that's how it turned out. And thanks. I'll fix it to make it neater.
FreeOtakuGhost36 wrote...
is it just me or the 2nd part kinda from "mon**** hun***" and 4th part's from "one*** teac***"??I didn't play the game and watch the anime you mentioned, so I dunno. Are they really that similar? 8)
Now let's see how can I expand on this...
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Nya....nya...nya....im booking a seat here too, awaits next episode~
“You…can’t you just say you were studying?” “So you’re fine with me lying, sensei?”
I love that attitude
“You…can’t you just say you were studying?” “So you’re fine with me lying, sensei?”
I love that attitude
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mibuchiha wrote...
Blank_Zai wrote...
Ah~reminds me of that girl from The World God Only Knows. The pop Idol, whose name escapes me at the moment.
Lol, Nishihara Kanon? Well, the idea is indeed based on her. I read through the manga again and I thought why don't I try this kinda stuff~...and then after 30 mins of brainstorming and typing, well, that's how it turned out. And thanks. I'll fix it to make it neater.
Yes that's the girl~
And good thing you fixed it all up. I also liked how you put the "***" as indication of time/scene lapse/change.
Hoping for 2nd part to come soon. And I wish the best of luck with it Mibuchiha.
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Blank_Zai wrote...
mibuchiha wrote...
Blank_Zai wrote...
Ah~reminds me of that girl from The World God Only Knows. The pop Idol, whose name escapes me at the moment.
Lol, Nishihara Kanon? Well, the idea is indeed based on her. I read through the manga again and I thought why don't I try this kinda stuff~...and then after 30 mins of brainstorming and typing, well, that's how it turned out. And thanks. I'll fix it to make it neater.
Yes that's the girl~
And good thing you fixed it all up. I also liked how you put the "***" as indication of time/scene lapse/change.
Hoping for 2nd part to come soon. And I wish the best of luck with it Mibuchiha.
im waiting for the second part too but im getting some ideas on trying making to make an alter you know the part where it happened before the story XD
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mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
@sora-chan: lol, an edit? lemme see...
btw, added chapter 2 to the OP, although I really shouldn't be doing this. exams.... x_x
btw, added chapter 2 to the OP, although I really shouldn't be doing this. exams.... x_x
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pretty good.Looking forward to more
writing stories is good during an exam when you have lots of spare time after finishing a paper.^^
writing stories is good during an exam when you have lots of spare time after finishing a paper.^^
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mibuchiha wrote...
@sora-chan: lol, an edit? lemme see...btw, added chapter 2 to the OP, although I really shouldn't be doing this. exams.... x_x
alright i finished it! took me all night cause i couldn't sleep thanks to your writing and miku's song gave me an inspiration im currently trying to type it in fakku XD by the way the tittle is "Voice of The Heart: Reaching Out!" well for my version that is ~chita!~
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Uhmm Everyone has already told you my opinion (even more) !! Interesting story Mibuchiha !! Maybe... I will ask for ur opinions when I draw Chapter 2 My Manga !! Ruu...