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[Not A Contest Entry] - A Very Merry Neko-Chan Christmas

neko-chan · 2010-12-13T05:59:33-01:00

(This is not an entry for the writing contest) Back in the day, life was rough for me. Had to scrape by to survive. This is the Christmas that maybe changed all that. Or Maybe not. Twas’ the Night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse Little Timothy was sleeping, his sister Susan too, Both dreaming of sugar plums, like little kids do. Suddenly, they both were awakened by the sound of a CRASH, They ran to the stairs, and they got there quite fast. There in the living room, where the clatter began, Was a female cat, named Neko-chan. Her eyes were blue, her fur was quite black, She had a flashlight in one hand, and a sack on her back. She had entered the house, hoping to find something of worth, Since she had been poor, from the day of her birth. “What are you doing?” both children asked, She turned around, startled, and let out a gasp. “Oh shit!” Neko-chan thought in her head, “If these kids wake up their parents, I’m practically dead!” Neko thought for awhile, then made up a lie: “I’m Santa Claus, kids!” but the kids rolled their eyes. “Santa” Timothy said, “is not quite that small. Besides that, I don’t see any of your reindeer at all!” “They are on the roof.” Neko-chan began “How about I take you outside, and FEED you to them!?!” The kids now understood the predicament they were in, Neko was as crazy as hell, and as deadly as sin. “This year Santa will NOT be delivering to all the good girls and boys, As he has decided he rather keep all the Christmas toys.” “From now on, we’ll give Santa all the new presents instead, At least that’s what you’ll do if you don’t want to end up dead” “Bring me only your finest, only the best,” Then she lit a cigar and sighed, “Fuck all the rest!” “Susan, go into the kitchen, open some tuna, and get me a beer, Santa wants something different than milk and cookies this year.” Since they did not want to end up as reindeer snacks, They did as they were told while Neko took time to relax. They worked fast and quiet, and a bit in the Christmasy mood, While Neko raided the fridge and ate all their food. “Santa,” they cheerfully said, “We’ve given you every valuable thing in our Home!” Clearly, they were now suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. “Great job my helpers! I knew you would get it done! Now outta my way, Santa’s gotta RUN!” "But" Susan cried, “Santa wait! Don’t leave! There was something I wanted to ask you to do for me…” “Damn it kid, what is!?” Neko said in a huff, “Make it quick, I gotta go sell all this stuff…” Susan smiled, and started to say, All the things she hoped Santa would do on Christmas Day. “It’s nothing like delivering video games, money, or toys, But can you spread happiness, love, and Christmas Joy?” “Can you bring joy to the neighborhood’s boys and girls, And hope and peace to the rest of the world? Make mommies and daddies stop always fighting, And rekindle their love, make it exciting? Tell people to start acting nice to each other again, Let everyone start acting like we’re all friends? I know it’s a lot, and probably impossible, But maybe not for you Santa – heck, you made reindeer aeronautical!” Neko-chan was moved, and was starting to cry Like that time she got arrested on prom night for a DWI. “What about you, Timmy?” Neko started to say “What can I give you on Christmas day?” “Gee, Santa! You want to get something for me!? All I want is Justin Bieber’s new CD!” Neko-chan smiled, patted Timmy on the head, Then slapped him across the face, “FUCK NO” she said. Then Neko went into the kitchen and got little Susan something to drink, And told Timmy, “Put my beer in the trash, and my plate in the sink” She tucked little Susan in, and kissed her goodnight Then climbed back up the chimney and finally out of sight. There on the roof, real-life reindeer were fastened to a sled, Neko grabbed the reins and this is what she said: “Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! And the rest of you dipshits! Ya’ll better listen!” “We’re going to Jake’s first, to hawk all this junk Then we’ll ditch the sleigh and leave Santa locked in the trunk!” A crack of the whip, and the reindeer took off with a grunt, Then Neko leaned back in her seat and lit up a blunt. That night, if you looked out your window and up to the sky, You would have seen a cat that was obviously high. Then the entire village heard her exclaim, “Christmas is the shizznit! Hanukkah is lame!” Share your own Christmas Stories =)

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neko-chan

14 years ago

Writing Contest coming soon. Start writing NAO

SamRavster

14 years ago

neko-chan wrote...

Writing Contest coming soon. Start writing NAO

[font=Verdana][color=green]Erm...I can't write without direction? =/

I'm a twat...just realised the other thread.

gouenjiikusanagi

14 years ago

great story Neko-Chan I like it!

"Im going to shoot you fire and burn the entire city".

TheSundanceKid

14 years ago

Fuckin' saved, I loved it.

Cain666

14 years ago

I have never before been to the writing section.
-Decided to go
-This looks to be worth a read
-...
Oh my dear, that was enjoyable. I... "laughed out loud", was it? Most certainly worth my perusal! I may visit this section again yet. Once again, good show.

Zeph=3

14 years ago

Always managing to put a smile on my face; I lol'ed.

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