Shinobi Story

Hey I've got an idea for a story. It's more or less in the same storyline as Naruto, but is unrelated. The characters are all totally unique. It's based around a young shinobi, who's cheated death several times, and all before age 15, his personality is kinda in the middle ground between Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara. He's generally easygoing, but gets serious when needed, and has serious issues with rage when dealing with certain people. I've pretty much got most of the story outlined in my head, so if you guys are interested lemme know. I'll see about getting a scanner so I can upload the drawings I've done of the characters. I was thinking about maybe adding a few cameos of the current characters.

Quick! Scan later! Edit story later! Write it before you forget!

I won't forget. I've got hundreds of stories in my head. I get a story going as inspiration for my characters.

note: if anyone feels the names should be changed lemme know. I don't really know any japanese names other than what I've heard of in anime.

Ok, here goes.

Prologue: Reflections on a starlit night.

"The stars are shining brightly tonight" He thinks to himself. A boy of about 14 sitting on a log a sword propped against the log directly to his left in the forests South of the Nation of Fire. The boy wears a gi shirt with flames along the trim, On his left shoulder is a leather peice of armor that extends down the left side of his torso, Which is completely wrapped in bandages underneath the typical mesh shirt worn by ninja, but his most distinguishing feature is the scar across his throat. "hmm, maybe I'll hit up the Land of Tea next, gotta find some clues there. How the hell did things get so fucked? What did my father do to those guys to make them want to kill him? Also, why do I have no recollection of the past 4 years? How did I get these scars all over my body, and what the hell are these markings on my arms? I know if I find those bastards I'll get some answers, and if they won't give them to me, then I'll just have to beat it out of them." He begins assembling a tent. The generally calm and collected young man begins to show sighns of frustration. Not at the tent, which he assembles as if it were second nature as he has a thousand times before, frustration at the deep black holes in his memories. "Well, no sense in dwelling on the past now, it's time to get some sleep." The young man lays down on a sleeping bag, and falls asleep.


The following morning the young man is making his way to the Land of Tea, when suddenly he is ambushed.

Bandit-"Alright kid give us all your valuables, and we won't kill you."

Young man-*sigh* "You guys have no idea what your getting yourselves into. Why don't you be good monkeys and run along."

Bandit-"What did you say you little punk?!"

Young man-"I said get the fuck away from me before something bad happens to you."

Bandit-"I'll kill you for that you litt..."

With that sentence the young man rushes the bandit, the young man attacks with a hard elbow right to the solar plexus, followed immediatley be a full force reverse roundhouse right to the bandits right temple.

As the bandit falls to the ground, his companions look on stunned. This kid who couldn't be more than 16 just took out the strongest of all of them in 2 attacks.

Smaller bandit-"Get him!"

Young man-"You guys just don't learn, do you?"

The young man takes a step back and disappears into his shadow.

Smaller bandit-"where the hell did he go?!"

As he finishes his sentence the young man rises up out of his shadow behind him.

Young man-"As I said you have no clue what your getting yourselves into."

After slamming the smaller bandit's head into a nearby tree, he assaults the other four bandits at once. Within 3 minutes the bandits are all unconcious. The young man turns away with a smirk on his face.

Young man-"Well, not much of a morning exercise, but it'll do."

The young man continues on his journey to The Land of Tea.

It's a little rough around the edges, but I'll clean it up. Right now I'm about useless, I'm fuckin, tired. So feel free to post your opinions. I'm actually eager to hear what you guys have to say about it.

It's not bad for the prologue. I'm waiting to see more of the story before I can actually comment/suggest anything.

interesting. But the land of tea? That just sounds weird. But this of course raises various questions. Also for a moment while you had the kid fix up his tent, I couldn't tell if he was talking to himself or thinking. I think you should find a way to distinguish that when you get a chance

Oh, and I posted the next chapter to my fic, so check it out when you get a chance.

I'll show dialogue with the names before the sentences. so while he was assembling his tent he was thinking to himself. And as far as the Land of Tea went, I'm going from the Naruto show, I havn't been able to find any of the mangas. You try finding an issue of shounen jump in texas. :x

like you'll find a copy of american splendor in tokyo.

ok,serious.
if you really do this seriously,i'll give you some of my chara design.

I've actually designed all the characters involved in this story. I'm trying to get a scanner so I can post them. And yes I'm taking this seriously. It's really not an H-story, but plenty of violence and foul language.

Never seen it. I should probably check it out.

Hmmm. I'll keep an eye out for it.

I'm tired tonight, I'll post Chapter1 tomarrow night.

Oh yeah! The Land of Tea^^

Waiting for Chapter 1

Ok. Just waaaaaaaaaaay too drunk tonight....this morning........whatever. Get to it tomarrow....I promise. Oh man, vodka went strait to my head.

Alright, second time writing this....FUCK! Well, anyway enjoy.

Note: the first few chapters will be a little short, Build a little suspense heh heh. :P


Chapter 1: "I'm looking for four assassins."



"Well I'm finally here." the young man said to himself as he came to a village in The Land of Tea. As he wlked through the main street he came to a teahouse. "Well, guess I should get something to eat." he thought to himself. After his meal, he headed further down the street, eventually comming to a seedy looking gambling den. He enters and approaches the counter.

Greeter girl- "uhhh. I'm sorry, but I can't let you in here, your not old enough."

Young man- "I'm here to see Mr. Kurugi, tell him Saito is here to see him."

Greeter girl- "I'm sorry, but..."

Mr. Kurugi- "It's ok, I know this kid. Hissho my boy, How are you? Please, come on back, would you like some tea?"

Hissho- "No thanks, I just have a few questions you might be able to answer for me."

Mr. Kurugi- "Sure, come into my office."

They come into a small office in the back of the gambling den. It's a small room with a simple desk, a few wallscrolls, and several filing cabinets containing records, and the names of people owing money. Mr. Kurugi sits in a chair behind the desk.

Mr. Kurugi- "So, what is it you wanted to ask me?"

Hissho- I'm looking for four assassins."

Mr. Kurugi- "Assassins? What do you want with assassins? I thought you mercinaries didn't associate with them?"

Hissho- "I'm looking for four very specific assassins. One fights with talons, and wears a black and red striped shirt, with a rather nasty disposition. One wears a face mask with goggles, and never speaks. One carries many scrolls of various uses, and has several strange symbols tatooed on his face. The last one wears a black cloak, he appears to be the leader."

Mr. Kurugi- *swollows hard* "You just described the Four Demons. Why on earth would you be looking for them?"

Hissho- "What can you tell me about them?" *gives a cold stare*

Mr. Kurugi- "These guys are among the best assassins around. When someone wants to make sure someone else dies, these guys make it a sure thing, and they're not cheap. They're the most feared individuals alive, aside from Orochimaru himself. Even the Akatsuki won't touch them."

Hissho- "I need to know where to find them." *maintains the cold stare*

Mr. Kurugi- "Look Hissho, these are not people you just go and pick a fight with. They play for keeps, and show no mercy. Do you have any clue what your getting yourself into?"

Hissho- "Do you have any more information, or not?" *clearly becomming irritated*

Mr. Kurugi- "I've heard they tend to roam around the Land of Waves, but there's no way of being sure, they don't like to make their presence known."

Hissho- "Thanks, that's all the information I need. Maybe I can find out more in the Land of Waves. I owe you one."

Mr. Kurugi- "Not at all, I still owed you from that business with those thugs a while back. So, lets just call it even. I just hope you know what your doing. I mean, no one has even seen these guys and lived."

Hissho- "Except me." *points to the scar across his throat*


Hissho turns and leaves before Mr. Kurugi can ask any questions. "Have a nice day sir." the greeter girl says with a big smile. "Right." Hissho replies cooly. As Hissho exits the Gambling den, he feels a new sense of purpose. He continues strolling down the street on his way out of the village. "Finally got a lead. Maybe now I can find these bastards, or at least find out where they hide out." he thought to himself.

Suspense! I'm expecting a good read from this. Please don't fail me now!

Anyways, this is new to me, using asterisks for what they are doing. But good, nonetheless. A few typos here and there, but what I noticed is that the village that is on the Land of Tea lacks details itself. I can't really imagine what the village looks like (forgive me for criticising :? ).

PS

No-name Village. :)

Well, that's all. Expecting Chapter 2^^

Well, I didn't want to get too bogged down in details. It's just a basic village, pretty much the same as I saw in the series. As far as the typos go I probably screwed up in more than a few places with punctuation, maybe a couple times with spelling. I really don't know what to call the village. I figured make it a small village of no real noteriety. Anyway, get on Chaper 2 as soon as I iron out some details in the plot.

I probably won't get to chapter 2 for a couple of days (busy as hell), but I've got the details ironed out for the most part. Anyway, hope you guys like it so far.