[Summer Contest Entry 2016] A Collection of Resumés
4
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
A Collection of Resumés
Leonard had the unenviable task of going through mountains of job applications as an employee of the HR department of a small fast food chain. Part of the reason why his job was such a chore was the sheer banality of going through email by email, leaf by leaf of job applications that barely differed. This was made worse by an economic recession which meant that his company was inundated by job applications from people desperate to work on a minimum wage. The company, eager to profit from the labour of poorly paid workers, was only too happy to entertain these job applications.
Why though were the job applications submitted so similar? It was because the fast food chain was in a small city. This meant that every applicant came from the same few schools. This meant that they were taught the same few subjects which were of little use in a fast food restaurant. Even their interests, hobbies and their bloody appearance were more or less the same!
On one very bad day, Leonard received these:
Job Application 1
Name: A. Ginger
Ethnicity: Ginger
Address: Ginger City
Academic Qualifications: Ginger High School
Skills: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket
Interests and Hobbies: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket, Cricket Watching
Gender: Female
Attached to Job Application 1 was a picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual.
Job Application 2
Name: Al S. O. Ginger
Ethnicity: Ginger
Address: Ginger City
Academic Qualifications: Ginger High School
Skills: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket
Interests and Hobbies: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket, Cricket Watching
Gender: Male
Attached to Job Application 2 was also picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual with a slightly flatter chest.
Was it the same person who submitted two applications at the same time in an attempt to prove that his company discriminates against women? Leonard, out of curiosity decided to grant the both of them interviews only to realise that they were separate individuals! To make matters worse, they weren't good workers too! Soon after they were hired, they were relieved of their jobs because they were more interested in eating than preparing food! Poor Leonard himself was facing the prospect of being relieved of his job too for taking in lousy workers!
Seeing that the information provided by each job applicant wasn't useful in determining if he or she was good for the job, Leonard decided to make each applicant answer this question:
That anyone would indulge in an act of self-sacrifice while employed by a lowly restaurant ever determined to dole out even lower pay to its employees is itself farcical. However, it served its purpose in making each job application more different. Also, since the more earnest job applicants tend to write longer (though not impressive) stories, it proved to be a useful barometer on how desperate the applicant was. This decision marked a change in Leonard’s fortunes in the HR department but posing that question did have its problems.
As the company grew despite the economy floundering as hard as ever, the number of job applicants increased and Leonard’s boss expected him to recruit persons of higher calibre. This of course had ramifications on how aspiring fast food restaurant indentured labourers answered that question.
The answers became stranger and so bizarre that merely describing them as such fails to do them justice. This story tells of a certain day when Leonard received three responses to that question.
Answer 1:
Name of Job Applicant: H. De Clan
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
There was one time early this year when I went out of my way to help someone I hardly knew, never mind that I was called a nosey parker who should learn how to mind his own business. It involved me looking for a D. Hennessey who went missing for a few days.
My search for him begun with me overhearing practically everyone on the street speaking about his disappearance. This of course aroused my curiosity and I decided to find out more by rudely interrupting people in the middle of a conversation. Though I decided to eavesdrop instead when I found that this is a rather ineffective way to collect information and a very effective way to be the subject of physical and verbal abuse.
There was much speculation on the circumstances behind his disappearance. Allow me, for the sake of clarity to label some of the more common explanations behind his disappearance by using letters:
a. On a bleak and frosty night made even all the more gloomy with a light drizzle, D. Hennessey was seen by some onlooker wandering into a den. Unemployed, unschooled and unengaged, he cannot be described to be in the best of circumstances. That could explain why good judgement left him as he entered that den with its poisons that numb both body and mind, with its siren adorned walls that disorientate and discombobulate and its inhabitants, the mythical Sirens, who if could be heard amid that senseless cacophony, seduce and ensnare. The onlooker upon seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into that accursed place decided that Hennessey is done for anyway and that he ought to leave as soon as possible in fear that he could be drawn in against his will, so mysteriously and dangerously alluring that den was.
So long story short, Hennessey was dead in a den.
b. Another account describes Hennessey in the arms of a fearsome creature, accompanied with another fearsome creature and another man, leaving a den. The heads of these creatures were crowned with tendrils not unlike those of the Gorgon of legend, their breath and odour repellent and their skins coated with toxic slimes. Yet Hennessey and his male companion were completely besotted by their unhuman partners as if stricken by some spell that made them impervious to their vile appearance. Rumour has it that these fearsome creatures are, in the eyes of their prey, ravishing women who are more than eager to satiate their basest of desires. Indeed, the creatures themselves thrive on the affections showered on them by their victims before sucking them dry, not unlike a female spider devouring her mate after their deadly marriage has been consummated.
So long story short, Hennessey left the den quite alive but with another bloke and two creatures in a group one short of five.
c. A relative of mine who knows someone who knows another someone who works in a detention centre who told me that they have a man named D. Hennessey who is currently in police custody. He apparently is facing indictment for a certain crime of passion that involved women and clubs.
So long story short, not dead Hennessy left the den with two girls and another man, was placed in a spot, left in gaol to rot until he got out.
Accounts a and b didn’t make sense to me but acting on what my relative has told me, I decided to go to where Hennessey was detained and through the pulling of strings and under-the-table deals managed to secure his release. Hennessey is rather grateful to me and is now trying to break free of being uneducated, unschooled and unengaged.
After reading that long and yet bizarrely engaging story De Clan wrote, he stared at the ceiling for a good while, his brain in metaphorical stasis due to how over the top it was. Then again, as a person who has read and processed countless job applications, he shouldn’t be too surprised when an applicant embellishes his credentials and accounts. In this case, it appeared to be De Clan helping Hennessey who got into trouble with women, unflatteringly described as Sirens and Gorgons, after going to a club, unflatteringly described as a monster's lair of a den. That said, one wonders why De Clan made the mistake of implying that he bribed the authorities to release Hennessey.
Leonard soon mustered the energy to go through a second job application only to receive a rude shock after reading it:
Answer 2
Name of Job Applicant: D. Hennessey
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
I met a stranger, inebriated and feeble
Decided to help, all gallant and noble
The stranger, into my home I led
Was bathed, dressed and laid on my bed
And so after one night
The stranger disappeared from my sight
Then the police came
And asked for my name
AND I WAS ACCUSED OF RAPE!
PS: By the way, you might have come across a gentleman named H. De Clan who went out of his way to look for me. He submitted a job application to work in your fine establishment too. Could you please employ the both of us?
It was a short, succinct, gimmicky and a rather courageous (or stupid depending on how polite you want to be) attempt to grab the attention of his potential employer. This answer confirmed Leonard's suspicions that Hennessey was in trouble, namely landing in police custody, after being accused of rape by women so spitefully described as Gorgons and Sirens by his rescuer De Clan. This happens all too often after the clubs are filled, the sexes mix and alcohol imbibed.
Leonard had the urge to go to his address (that was also stated in his resume) tie and anvil to his job application and fling it into his window for having the temerity to come up with that limerick and those demands for jobs. He let out a bellyache to his co-workers who consoled him by dryly saying that most resumes are filled with nonsense anyway. The one Hennessey submitted was no different.
Finally, Leonard came across an application that bore an exotic and oriental name. Despite Leonard dreading that the answer to the question he tabled to aspiring job applicants would be as ludicrous as ever, he thought of his salary and his boss and soldiered on, his hands trembling with trepidation, This was what was written:
Answer 3:
Name of Job Applicant: Shiki Nogami
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
I am an unsung hero who has saved the world and so humbly request to have the honour to serve as a kitchen hand in your most noble establishment.
Lend me your ears, potential employer, before you dismiss me as a nutcase destined for the madhouse! Come to my abode and you might make out the shattered corpse of a monster with many faces and many limbs. (I have attached a photo for you to see) Come to my abode and I will show you the voluminous papers that a brave diarist of a scientist wrote about that monster and its foul origins!
That thing came from the skies to create a progeny of creatures different in appearance and yet similar in nature. But like how every mare needs a stallion, and every bitch needs a dog, who will give that creature the seed it needs to bring forth its progeny? The answer lie in those gonads, between the legs of every male on this land. Yet, who would want to be in a bodily union with these creatures?
The monster, using all its evil and cunning, casted fell spells on its prey. In the eyes of its prey, the monster will take the form of an alluring seductress. He will then offer his seed to that monster, often after a tryst following a trip to a bar or a club, only to slowly but surely transfigure into hideous looking monsters. Some have tendrils for hairs not unlike a Gorgon, while others might have screeching voices and fangs that lust for human flesh not unlike a Siren. He would then possess many of the powers of the monster that took away his original appearance and search for yet another victim.
Fear not, for my comrades and I have tracked down all of those creatures and learnt that the best way to dispatch them is to douse them with liquid nitrogen then smash them with a hammer.
If you don’t believe my story, come to my place. If you do, please give me a job.
Leonard of course didn't believe Shiki Nogami's story and neither did he have any intention to head over to his place. That application pulled off every single trick in the book from coming up with absurd stories to arouse interest to using words and expressions no one in his right mind would use in everyday writing and conversation. He obfuscated the fact that his story is silly and that the descriptions of women as Greek demonesses is shockingly hateful! "Was Nogami in reality a psychopath who murders women using liquid gases and blunt objects?", Leonard thought to himself.
As Leonard reached out for his lighter to burn Shiki Nogami's job application, a photograph fell out. It was a photograph purportedly of the monster Nogami had slain which...
Just as he sought to reassure himself that the photograph was a hoax, the door of his office suddenly crashed with a deafening bang as two monsters, one resembling a Gorgon and the other a Siren, and two disfigured men, one with tentacles sprouting from his head and the other with fangs sprouting from his mouth, barged in.
The man with the tentacles croaked, "My name is De Clan."
The man with the fangs growled, "My name is Hennessey."
"So what was written in all 3 job applications are both truths and lies!", Leonard thought to himself as his mind descended into a state of delirium at this shocking turn of events. Yet, how did Hennessey really leave prison? How did De Clan turn into a monster himself? How reliable were both of their accounts? (Nogami's claim that he exterminated all of those monsters certainly isn't reliable!) Were the both of them so desperate for a job that they barged into Leonard's office? Were the job applications a setup to turn Leonard into one of their kind and why him of all people?
It is all a mystery! As for Leonard's fate, whether he jumps out of the window in an attempt to escape, whether he bent over and let them turn him into a grotesque female figure or whether Shiki Nogami and his comrades save the day with their canisters of liquid nitrogen and their hammer collection, this story doesn't tell.
What is more important however is the moral of the story:
Leonard had the unenviable task of going through mountains of job applications as an employee of the HR department of a small fast food chain. Part of the reason why his job was such a chore was the sheer banality of going through email by email, leaf by leaf of job applications that barely differed. This was made worse by an economic recession which meant that his company was inundated by job applications from people desperate to work on a minimum wage. The company, eager to profit from the labour of poorly paid workers, was only too happy to entertain these job applications.
Why though were the job applications submitted so similar? It was because the fast food chain was in a small city. This meant that every applicant came from the same few schools. This meant that they were taught the same few subjects which were of little use in a fast food restaurant. Even their interests, hobbies and their bloody appearance were more or less the same!
On one very bad day, Leonard received these:
Job Application 1
Name: A. Ginger
Ethnicity: Ginger
Address: Ginger City
Academic Qualifications: Ginger High School
Skills: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket
Interests and Hobbies: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket, Cricket Watching
Gender: Female
Attached to Job Application 1 was a picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual.
Job Application 2
Name: Al S. O. Ginger
Ethnicity: Ginger
Address: Ginger City
Academic Qualifications: Ginger High School
Skills: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket
Interests and Hobbies: English, Mathematics, Science, Ginger Studies, Cricket, Cricket Watching
Gender: Male
Attached to Job Application 2 was also picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual with a slightly flatter chest.
Was it the same person who submitted two applications at the same time in an attempt to prove that his company discriminates against women? Leonard, out of curiosity decided to grant the both of them interviews only to realise that they were separate individuals! To make matters worse, they weren't good workers too! Soon after they were hired, they were relieved of their jobs because they were more interested in eating than preparing food! Poor Leonard himself was facing the prospect of being relieved of his job too for taking in lousy workers!
Seeing that the information provided by each job applicant wasn't useful in determining if he or she was good for the job, Leonard decided to make each applicant answer this question:
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone.
That anyone would indulge in an act of self-sacrifice while employed by a lowly restaurant ever determined to dole out even lower pay to its employees is itself farcical. However, it served its purpose in making each job application more different. Also, since the more earnest job applicants tend to write longer (though not impressive) stories, it proved to be a useful barometer on how desperate the applicant was. This decision marked a change in Leonard’s fortunes in the HR department but posing that question did have its problems.
As the company grew despite the economy floundering as hard as ever, the number of job applicants increased and Leonard’s boss expected him to recruit persons of higher calibre. This of course had ramifications on how aspiring fast food restaurant indentured labourers answered that question.
The answers became stranger and so bizarre that merely describing them as such fails to do them justice. This story tells of a certain day when Leonard received three responses to that question.
Answer 1:
Name of Job Applicant: H. De Clan
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
There was one time early this year when I went out of my way to help someone I hardly knew, never mind that I was called a nosey parker who should learn how to mind his own business. It involved me looking for a D. Hennessey who went missing for a few days.
My search for him begun with me overhearing practically everyone on the street speaking about his disappearance. This of course aroused my curiosity and I decided to find out more by rudely interrupting people in the middle of a conversation. Though I decided to eavesdrop instead when I found that this is a rather ineffective way to collect information and a very effective way to be the subject of physical and verbal abuse.
There was much speculation on the circumstances behind his disappearance. Allow me, for the sake of clarity to label some of the more common explanations behind his disappearance by using letters:
a. On a bleak and frosty night made even all the more gloomy with a light drizzle, D. Hennessey was seen by some onlooker wandering into a den. Unemployed, unschooled and unengaged, he cannot be described to be in the best of circumstances. That could explain why good judgement left him as he entered that den with its poisons that numb both body and mind, with its siren adorned walls that disorientate and discombobulate and its inhabitants, the mythical Sirens, who if could be heard amid that senseless cacophony, seduce and ensnare. The onlooker upon seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into that accursed place decided that Hennessey is done for anyway and that he ought to leave as soon as possible in fear that he could be drawn in against his will, so mysteriously and dangerously alluring that den was.
So long story short, Hennessey was dead in a den.
b. Another account describes Hennessey in the arms of a fearsome creature, accompanied with another fearsome creature and another man, leaving a den. The heads of these creatures were crowned with tendrils not unlike those of the Gorgon of legend, their breath and odour repellent and their skins coated with toxic slimes. Yet Hennessey and his male companion were completely besotted by their unhuman partners as if stricken by some spell that made them impervious to their vile appearance. Rumour has it that these fearsome creatures are, in the eyes of their prey, ravishing women who are more than eager to satiate their basest of desires. Indeed, the creatures themselves thrive on the affections showered on them by their victims before sucking them dry, not unlike a female spider devouring her mate after their deadly marriage has been consummated.
So long story short, Hennessey left the den quite alive but with another bloke and two creatures in a group one short of five.
c. A relative of mine who knows someone who knows another someone who works in a detention centre who told me that they have a man named D. Hennessey who is currently in police custody. He apparently is facing indictment for a certain crime of passion that involved women and clubs.
So long story short, not dead Hennessy left the den with two girls and another man, was placed in a spot, left in gaol to rot until he got out.
Accounts a and b didn’t make sense to me but acting on what my relative has told me, I decided to go to where Hennessey was detained and through the pulling of strings and under-the-table deals managed to secure his release. Hennessey is rather grateful to me and is now trying to break free of being uneducated, unschooled and unengaged.
After reading that long and yet bizarrely engaging story De Clan wrote, he stared at the ceiling for a good while, his brain in metaphorical stasis due to how over the top it was. Then again, as a person who has read and processed countless job applications, he shouldn’t be too surprised when an applicant embellishes his credentials and accounts. In this case, it appeared to be De Clan helping Hennessey who got into trouble with women, unflatteringly described as Sirens and Gorgons, after going to a club, unflatteringly described as a monster's lair of a den. That said, one wonders why De Clan made the mistake of implying that he bribed the authorities to release Hennessey.
Leonard soon mustered the energy to go through a second job application only to receive a rude shock after reading it:
Answer 2
Name of Job Applicant: D. Hennessey
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
I met a stranger, inebriated and feeble
Decided to help, all gallant and noble
The stranger, into my home I led
Was bathed, dressed and laid on my bed
And so after one night
The stranger disappeared from my sight
Then the police came
And asked for my name
AND I WAS ACCUSED OF RAPE!
PS: By the way, you might have come across a gentleman named H. De Clan who went out of his way to look for me. He submitted a job application to work in your fine establishment too. Could you please employ the both of us?
It was a short, succinct, gimmicky and a rather courageous (or stupid depending on how polite you want to be) attempt to grab the attention of his potential employer. This answer confirmed Leonard's suspicions that Hennessey was in trouble, namely landing in police custody, after being accused of rape by women so spitefully described as Gorgons and Sirens by his rescuer De Clan. This happens all too often after the clubs are filled, the sexes mix and alcohol imbibed.
Leonard had the urge to go to his address (that was also stated in his resume) tie and anvil to his job application and fling it into his window for having the temerity to come up with that limerick and those demands for jobs. He let out a bellyache to his co-workers who consoled him by dryly saying that most resumes are filled with nonsense anyway. The one Hennessey submitted was no different.
Finally, Leonard came across an application that bore an exotic and oriental name. Despite Leonard dreading that the answer to the question he tabled to aspiring job applicants would be as ludicrous as ever, he thought of his salary and his boss and soldiered on, his hands trembling with trepidation, This was what was written:
Answer 3:
Name of Job Applicant: Shiki Nogami
Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone:
I am an unsung hero who has saved the world and so humbly request to have the honour to serve as a kitchen hand in your most noble establishment.
Lend me your ears, potential employer, before you dismiss me as a nutcase destined for the madhouse! Come to my abode and you might make out the shattered corpse of a monster with many faces and many limbs. (I have attached a photo for you to see) Come to my abode and I will show you the voluminous papers that a brave diarist of a scientist wrote about that monster and its foul origins!
That thing came from the skies to create a progeny of creatures different in appearance and yet similar in nature. But like how every mare needs a stallion, and every bitch needs a dog, who will give that creature the seed it needs to bring forth its progeny? The answer lie in those gonads, between the legs of every male on this land. Yet, who would want to be in a bodily union with these creatures?
The monster, using all its evil and cunning, casted fell spells on its prey. In the eyes of its prey, the monster will take the form of an alluring seductress. He will then offer his seed to that monster, often after a tryst following a trip to a bar or a club, only to slowly but surely transfigure into hideous looking monsters. Some have tendrils for hairs not unlike a Gorgon, while others might have screeching voices and fangs that lust for human flesh not unlike a Siren. He would then possess many of the powers of the monster that took away his original appearance and search for yet another victim.
Fear not, for my comrades and I have tracked down all of those creatures and learnt that the best way to dispatch them is to douse them with liquid nitrogen then smash them with a hammer.
If you don’t believe my story, come to my place. If you do, please give me a job.
Leonard of course didn't believe Shiki Nogami's story and neither did he have any intention to head over to his place. That application pulled off every single trick in the book from coming up with absurd stories to arouse interest to using words and expressions no one in his right mind would use in everyday writing and conversation. He obfuscated the fact that his story is silly and that the descriptions of women as Greek demonesses is shockingly hateful! "Was Nogami in reality a psychopath who murders women using liquid gases and blunt objects?", Leonard thought to himself.
As Leonard reached out for his lighter to burn Shiki Nogami's job application, a photograph fell out. It was a photograph purportedly of the monster Nogami had slain which...
SHOWED THE MONSTER NOGAMI HAD SLAIN!
Just as he sought to reassure himself that the photograph was a hoax, the door of his office suddenly crashed with a deafening bang as two monsters, one resembling a Gorgon and the other a Siren, and two disfigured men, one with tentacles sprouting from his head and the other with fangs sprouting from his mouth, barged in.
The man with the tentacles croaked, "My name is De Clan."
The man with the fangs growled, "My name is Hennessey."
"So what was written in all 3 job applications are both truths and lies!", Leonard thought to himself as his mind descended into a state of delirium at this shocking turn of events. Yet, how did Hennessey really leave prison? How did De Clan turn into a monster himself? How reliable were both of their accounts? (Nogami's claim that he exterminated all of those monsters certainly isn't reliable!) Were the both of them so desperate for a job that they barged into Leonard's office? Were the job applications a setup to turn Leonard into one of their kind and why him of all people?
It is all a mystery! As for Leonard's fate, whether he jumps out of the window in an attempt to escape, whether he bent over and let them turn him into a grotesque female figure or whether Shiki Nogami and his comrades save the day with their canisters of liquid nitrogen and their hammer collection, this story doesn't tell.
What is more important however is the moral of the story:
Written resumes lie, are full of nonsense or tell half-truths that are way worse than outright lies! Even HR departments know this! Best find somebody who knows somebody if you are really serious about landing in any job!
2
Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
I just scrolled down to see what picture you came up with this time.
1
æ£ç¾©
Gone
I'm honestly more impressed by the writing than the references, but maybe I just don't get it?
Anyway I gave you my thoughts before in the writers' lounge where you posted it first, you did a fine job and... dat ending.
Anyway I gave you my thoughts before in the writers' lounge where you posted it first, you did a fine job and... dat ending.
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
æ£ç¾© wrote...
I'm honestly more impressed by the writing than the references, but maybe I just don't get it?Anyway I gave you my thoughts before in the writers' lounge where you posted it first, you did a fine job and... dat ending.
After this event is over, I am going to bring you over to the fireside and explain all of the references one by one. I will also take pains to emphasise that this entry has met and complied with the demands of our dear panel of judges by having mystery, horror and the supernatural. Might tell you where I had the inspiration to come up with this. Are you done with your entry?
PS: You told me you laughed. Were you laughing because of the entry or laughing at the entry? Can I ask what were you impressed by? The others to whom I showed this entry to didn't get the joke or the story!
2
æ£ç¾©
Gone
leonard267 wrote...
After this event is over, I am going to bring you over to the fireside and explain all of the references one by one. I will also take pains to emphasise that this entry has mystery, horror and the supernatural. Might tell you where I had the inspiration to come up with this. Are you done with your entry?PS: You told me you laughed. Were you laughing because of the entry or laughing at the entry?
Definitely laughing because of the entry.
Those resumes were absurd and I've never seen anything like them, making the comedy pure gold.
Edit - spoilers so open at your own risk unless Leonard:
Spoiler:
Also not done, I actually took a break from writing today.
Had other things to do after work before I came home.
May finish tonight if I'm up late enough, tomorrow if not.
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
æ£ç¾© wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
After this event is over, I am going to bring you over to the fireside and explain all of the references one by one. I will also take pains to emphasise that this entry has mystery, horror and the supernatural. Might tell you where I had the inspiration to come up with this. Are you done with your entry?PS: You told me you laughed. Were you laughing because of the entry or laughing at the entry?
Definitely laughing because of the entry.
Those resumes were absurd and I've never seen anything like them, making the comedy pure gold.
Edit - spoilers so open at your own risk unless Leonard:
Spoiler:
Also not done, I actually took a break from writing today.
Had other things to do after work before I came home.
May finish tonight if I'm up late enough, tomorrow if not.
I showed to some people who unfortunately didn't get what I was going for. Glad to know at least you understood what I was trying to do. I should do an audio recording of this entry.
2
æ£ç¾©
Gone
leonard267 wrote...
I showed to some people who unfortunately didn't get what I was going for. Glad to know at least you understood what I was trying to do. I should do an audio recording of this entry.Wow, I actually got it right? I'm seriously surprised, considering I don't know much about culture / movies / literature in general.
Also, an audio recording would be pretty fun to listen to while reading this - giving more character to the already wacky and interesting resumes.
Go for it!
Also, I guess I'm just about done with my entry. I'm hitting the word limit soon, darn.
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
æ£ç¾© wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
I showed to some people who unfortunately didn't get what I was going for. Glad to know at least you understood what I was trying to do. I should do an audio recording of this entry.Wow, I actually got it right? I'm seriously surprised, considering I don't know much about culture / movies / literature in general.
After asking around, I realised that some readers failed to understand what is happening. They don't understand what happened to the characters of the story and they don't understand the accounts in the job applications.
The fact that the written accounts of the applicants contrasted so much with the twist might be the cause of confusion. They couldn't see a logical connection between what is described in the accounts and that twist.
So yes, I am quite glad that you understood what is happening in the story.
3
it feels like theres too many jokes here but the story seems to lead people away from suspecting that the content of the resumes could be partially true by making them grandiose and ridiculous also i like that you threw in the image i dont know where the image itself if from but saya no uta and that old guy fit i remember a movie i watched with my dad recently was a horror movie from the 80s also sorry for this mess of text my laptop is busted so im using this incredibly shitty flip phone to type this on limited shitty internet browsing and i dont have punctuation or line breaks
2
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
Spikedpikes wrote...
it feels like theres too many jokes here but the story seems to lead people away from suspecting that the content of the resumes could be partially true by making them grandiose and ridiculous also i like that you threw in the image i dont know where the image itself if from but saya no uta and that old guy fit i remember a movie i watched with my dad recently was a horror movie from the 80s also sorry for this mess of text my laptop is busted so im using this incredibly shitty flip phone to type this on limited shitty internet browsing and i dont have punctuation or line breaksThank you for the feedback and taking the time to read it! I was concerned that you might have difficulty understanding this entry because of how it was written. I admit it could be made simpler to read.
I insist on humorous writing since I am most comfortable with it. I know that this isn't what you expect from the contest themes but I am a bit proud to put a silly spin to these themes.
Like to ask what you thought were the jokes.
PS: The man in the picture isn't an actor.
2
xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
What can I say Leonard, you've done it yet again. You've managed to captivate me in some strange way and then suddenly I've read whole thing. The story is so outlandish, but written well enough and with enough humor and strangely enticing tales, that it morphs into something enjoyable.
Some parts might need cleaning. Like the beginning where you showcase two of the bland applications and talk about them for a bit. I understand the setup, but I think you could further keep the attention of a reader by trimming that part. I also notice that you sometimes go on exclamation point sprees. One instance in particular is right after the first apllications:
That's four in a row! I feel like you could combine some of the sentences, or convert one of them to a period to give the exclamations some spacing.
Otherwise, I think your entry is fine(?). I actually don't know how how it fares. I just know it was an interesting and somehow enjoyable read, which is what your writing style tends to make me feel.
Also, 10/10 photoshop, and 10/10 life lessons from Leonard.
Some parts might need cleaning. Like the beginning where you showcase two of the bland applications and talk about them for a bit. I understand the setup, but I think you could further keep the attention of a reader by trimming that part. I also notice that you sometimes go on exclamation point sprees. One instance in particular is right after the first apllications:
"Leonard, out of curiosity decided to grant the both of them interviews only to realise that they were separate individuals! To make matters worse, they weren't good workers too! Soon after they were hired, they were relieved of their jobs because they were more interested in eating than preparing food! Poor Leonard himself was facing the prospect of being relieved of his job too for taking in lousy workers!"
That's four in a row! I feel like you could combine some of the sentences, or convert one of them to a period to give the exclamations some spacing.
Otherwise, I think your entry is fine(?). I actually don't know how how it fares. I just know it was an interesting and somehow enjoyable read, which is what your writing style tends to make me feel.
Also, 10/10 photoshop, and 10/10 life lessons from Leonard.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
xninebreaker wrote...
What can I say Leonard, you've done it yet again. You've managed to captivate me in some strange way and then suddenly I've read whole thing. The story is so outlandish, but written well enough and with enough humor and strangely enticing tales, that it morphs into something enjoyable.Some parts might need cleaning. Like the beginning where you showcase two of the bland applications and talk about them for a bit. I understand the setup, but I think you could further keep the attention of a reader by trimming that part. I also notice that you sometimes go on exclamation point sprees. One instance in particular is right after the first apllications:
"Leonard, out of curiosity decided to grant the both of them interviews only to realise that they were separate individuals! To make matters worse, they weren't good workers too! Soon after they were hired, they were relieved of their jobs because they were more interested in eating than preparing food! Poor Leonard himself was facing the prospect of being relieved of his job too for taking in lousy workers!"
That's four in a row! I feel like you could combine some of the sentences, or convert one of them to a period to give the exclamations some spacing.
Otherwise, I think your entry is fine(?). I actually don't know how how it fares. I just know it was an interesting and somehow enjoyable read, which is what your writing style tends to make me feel.
Also, 10/10 photoshop, and 10/10 life lessons from Leonard.
Did you understand the entry and the story though? I am concerned that some parts like the response given by De Clan would be difficult to go through.
Come to think of it, the only other place where I made four exclamation marks in the row is at the very end.
1
Well, it's not bad. The subtle bits about bad decisions made by the applicants and how women basically took advantage of them was a bit... gutsy?
Didn't expect them to bust into the room as literal monsters, either because somehow I half expected the resumes to be things they completely fabricated to make themselves look more appealing.
I know I personally twist the truth on my own resume, and 9/10 times it lands me a job - it's all about how you present the information.
As far as realism goes: No one in their right mind would be bold or stupid enough to actually submit resumes with this kind of information, and usually people don't make requests for other people since it looks bad in general to potential employers and makes them reek of desperation.
Regardless, don't take it to heart, I'm just very anal about realism.
You did well, and good luck to you in this contest.
Didn't expect them to bust into the room as literal monsters, either because somehow I half expected the resumes to be things they completely fabricated to make themselves look more appealing.
I know I personally twist the truth on my own resume, and 9/10 times it lands me a job - it's all about how you present the information.
As far as realism goes: No one in their right mind would be bold or stupid enough to actually submit resumes with this kind of information, and usually people don't make requests for other people since it looks bad in general to potential employers and makes them reek of desperation.
Regardless, don't take it to heart, I'm just very anal about realism.
You did well, and good luck to you in this contest.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
The Equalizer wrote...
Well, it's not bad. The subtle bits about bad decisions made by the applicants and how women basically took advantage of them was a bit... gutsy?Didn't expect them to bust into the room as literal monsters, either because somehow I half expected the resumes to be things they completely fabricated to make themselves look more appealing.
I know I personally twist the truth on my own resume, and 9/10 times it lands me a job - it's all about how you present the information.
As far as realism goes: No one in their right mind would be bold or stupid enough to actually submit resumes with this kind of information, and usually people don't make requests for other people since it looks bad in general to potential employers and makes them reek of desperation.
Regardless, don't take it to heart, I'm just very anal about realism.
You did well, and good luck to you in this contest.
No, no. Not at all. I am glad you found it silly that the applicants demanded Leonard to give them a job through their applications. My style of writing has always been comedic and having the characters behave bizarrely is a hallmark of that style. It is intended to be satirical in a way because we all know that every applicant wants to have the job whether they say it directly or not, and yes, had they been more truthful, Leonard might be warned about the monsters.
The women being real monsters is the only twist I can come up with. You might have noticed that I wrote the story with ridiculous premises like the monster women that aren't seemingly true. Also, the main character is in an isolated environment and all the information he gets is second hand. The twist will be demonstrating that the silly setup is actually true. I have written another story, a parody of another entry which uses this technique.
https://www.fakku.net/forums/posts/4626923#4626923
The idea came to me while I was discussing job applications with an acquaintance who encountered very strange questions while filling in a job application template for some company. Then you have the themes of horror, mystery and the supernatural. I recalled other material and stories that had those elements and made references to them in this entry.
This was the result -- a story about job applications which has horror and mystery themes. I intended it to be a very curious combination that when taken together should be called comedy.
1
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Entertaining monologue quite akin to noire-type mystery thrillers. The involvement of mystery, asking questions with few logical answers, the supernatural beings present in many historical horrific tales, this entry does a great job of aligning with the themes, in addition to keeping interestingly bizarre, along with the jaded narrative that we have come to expect from leonard. A fine entry.
Here is every error I found, which is honestly not too many. I'm rather impressed overall:
You need to use the hyphen to connect words that don't make grammatical sense on their own. If you were to only use one of the words and not the other and it doesn't make sense, then they need to be hyphenated and connected. "Freckled-face and ginger-haired individual."
Same issues as above, but also missing the word "a" after "also" and before "picture."
I believe there should be a comma after "curiosity."
The issue here is that you proclaim that to be a "question" that the applicants should answer, but that is not a question, it is a request. This is a big problem because you continually refer to it later as a question when it isn't one:
This of course had ramifications on how aspiring fast food restaurant indentured labourers answered that question.
This story tells of a certain day when Leonard received three responses to that question.
Despite Leonard dreading that the answer to the question he tabled to aspiring job applicants would be as ludicrous as ever, he thought of his salary and his boss and soldiered on, his hands trembling with trepidation, This was what was written:
Also that last one, you use a comma when you should use a period.
"All the more gloomy" isn't the term you should be using, rather the correct form is "made even gloomier."
"Decided" is a poor word choice because seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into the den and figuring that he is done for isn't a decision, it is a deduction.
"Lies" is the correct form.
"Hideous-looking."
"In" is not necessary and should be removed.
Here is every error I found, which is honestly not too many. I'm rather impressed overall:
leonard267 wrote...
Attached to Job Application 1 was a picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual.You need to use the hyphen to connect words that don't make grammatical sense on their own. If you were to only use one of the words and not the other and it doesn't make sense, then they need to be hyphenated and connected. "Freckled-face and ginger-haired individual."
leonard267 wrote...
Attached to Job Application 2 was also picture of a morbidly obese, freckled faced and ginger haired individual with a slightly flatter chest.Same issues as above, but also missing the word "a" after "also" and before "picture."
leonard267 wrote...
Leonard, out of curiosity decided to grant the both of them interviews only to realise that they were separate individuals!I believe there should be a comma after "curiosity."
leonard267 wrote...
Seeing that the information provided by each job applicant wasn't useful in determining if he or she was good for the job, Leonard decided to make each applicant answer this question: Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone.
The issue here is that you proclaim that to be a "question" that the applicants should answer, but that is not a question, it is a request. This is a big problem because you continually refer to it later as a question when it isn't one:
leonard267 wrote...
This decision marked a change in Leonard’s fortunes in the HR department but posing that question did have its problems.This of course had ramifications on how aspiring fast food restaurant indentured labourers answered that question.
This story tells of a certain day when Leonard received three responses to that question.
Despite Leonard dreading that the answer to the question he tabled to aspiring job applicants would be as ludicrous as ever, he thought of his salary and his boss and soldiered on, his hands trembling with trepidation, This was what was written:
Also that last one, you use a comma when you should use a period.
leonard267 wrote...
a. On a bleak and frosty night made even all the more gloomy with a light drizzle, D. Hennessey was seen by some onlooker wandering into a den."All the more gloomy" isn't the term you should be using, rather the correct form is "made even gloomier."
leonard267 wrote...
The onlooker upon seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into that accursed place decided that Hennessey is done for anyway and that he ought to leave as soon as possible in fear that he could be drawn in against his will, so mysteriously and dangerously alluring that den was."Decided" is a poor word choice because seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into the den and figuring that he is done for isn't a decision, it is a deduction.
leonard267 wrote...
The answer lie in those gonads, between the legs of every male on this land."Lies" is the correct form.
leonard267 wrote...
He will then offer his seed to that monster, often after a tryst following a trip to a bar or a club, only to slowly but surely transfigure into hideous looking monsters."Hideous-looking."
leonard267 wrote...
Best find somebody who knows somebody if you are really serious about landing in any job!"In" is not necessary and should be removed.
1
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
I would like to use this opportunity to have an argument. I so happen to love those things. These are the points that I take issue with.
The issue here is that you proclaim that to be a "question" that the applicants should answer, but that is not a question, it is a request. This is a big problem because you continually refer to it later as a question when it isn't one.
I am sure you have come across an essay question that doesn't end with a question mark. This is no different.
"All the more gloomy" isn't the term you should be using, rather the correct form is "made even gloomier."
"All the more" I think is idiomatic. But since you mentioned it, I wonder if I should have used "all the more gloomier" instead.
"Decided" is a poor word choice because seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into the den and figuring that he is done for isn't a decision, it is a deduction.
Using "decided" sounded right to me even though your definition of 'decided' is correct. I went to check the definition of 'decided' and believe the use of the word in this context is correct. You see, 'decided' has two definitions.
First is making a choice. The other is deducing, determining or arriving at a conclusion. If I say that I decided that some politician will be assassinated anyway it does not mean that I am planning an assassination but I hold a strong belief that he will be assassinated.
Have you tried reading the parody of Masayoshi's entry?
Xenon wrote...
The issue here is that you proclaim that to be a "question" that the applicants should answer, but that is not a question, it is a request. This is a big problem because you continually refer to it later as a question when it isn't one.
I am sure you have come across an essay question that doesn't end with a question mark. This is no different.
Xenon wrote...
"All the more gloomy" isn't the term you should be using, rather the correct form is "made even gloomier."
"All the more" I think is idiomatic. But since you mentioned it, I wonder if I should have used "all the more gloomier" instead.
Xenon wrote...
"Decided" is a poor word choice because seeing Hennessey walking mindlessly into the den and figuring that he is done for isn't a decision, it is a deduction.
Using "decided" sounded right to me even though your definition of 'decided' is correct. I went to check the definition of 'decided' and believe the use of the word in this context is correct. You see, 'decided' has two definitions.
First is making a choice. The other is deducing, determining or arriving at a conclusion. If I say that I decided that some politician will be assassinated anyway it does not mean that I am planning an assassination but I hold a strong belief that he will be assassinated.
Have you tried reading the parody of Masayoshi's entry?
0
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
leonard267 wrote...
I am sure you have come across an essay question that doesn't end with a question mark. This is no different.Yes, it is no different in that there are essays that make requests of the participants, but a question, or a query, requires a question mark because it is posing something for the participant to answer. "Where do you live? What city were you born in? How old are you?" A request for information is usually asking for elaboration, it can be worded as a question, but if it is not worded as a question, but worded as a request or an order, then it is not a question, it is a request, or an order. "Explain to me where you live. Describe to me what city you were born in. Tell me how old you are." If you want to phrase the sentence as a question, I would suggest instead of saying "Describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone," say "Could/Would/May you describe a moment when you went beyond the call of duty to help someone?" Though avoid using "Could/Can" since those usually end up with snarky responses like "Yes."
leonard267 wrote...
"All the more" I think is idiomatic. But since you mentioned it, I wonder if I should have used "all the more gloomier" instead.That would be grammatically acceptable if you decided to do it that way as well. A bit artsy, but your monologues tend to get like that anyway.
leonard267 wrote...
Using "decided" sounded right to me even though your definition of 'decided' is correct. I went to check the definition of 'decided' and believe the use of the word in this context is correct. You see, 'decided' has two definitions. First is making a choice. The other is deducing, determining or arriving at a conclusion. If I say that I decided that some politician will be assassinated anyway it does not mean that I am planning an assassination but I hold a strong belief that he will be assassinated.
I believe you could elastically stretch the definition to work the way you have, but it still sticks out to me as being just a bit improper. Merely my comment that it was a poor word choice was noted because I felt that there were alternatives that fit in better than "decided" such as "deduced," "concluded," or even simply "felt."
leonard267 wrote...
Have you tried reading the parody of Masayoshi's entry?No, I've totally ignored all comments and parodies of works so as to keep my edits and opinions my own. If you would like, I can skim it over, but I won't critique it seriously.
1
Feedback time.
First, when picking a winner, we wanted an entry that made good use of the themes and for that reason, I just couldn't recommend your entry over the others. There are bits of the themes mixed in here, but none of them feel like they play a major role except for mystery which is undercut by the ridiculousness. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for the story, but it is in terms of the contest.
The main problem I have with this entry is unfortunately, I just didn't find it that funny. You set it up as a series of outrageous resumes, but they weren't that crazy to me.
I did find the ending amusing. I didn't except the monsters to show up, and I liked Leonard's reaction to them.
You could do away with the bold. If something happens that's clearly shocking, you don't need to tell us it's shocking. If you're telling us shocking because you don't think people will get that something is shocking, then you should probably change that thing to be more shocking.
In the paragraph after the first two applications, almost every sentence ends with an exclamation mark. This lessened the impact for me of it.
First, when picking a winner, we wanted an entry that made good use of the themes and for that reason, I just couldn't recommend your entry over the others. There are bits of the themes mixed in here, but none of them feel like they play a major role except for mystery which is undercut by the ridiculousness. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for the story, but it is in terms of the contest.
The main problem I have with this entry is unfortunately, I just didn't find it that funny. You set it up as a series of outrageous resumes, but they weren't that crazy to me.
I did find the ending amusing. I didn't except the monsters to show up, and I liked Leonard's reaction to them.
So what was written in all 3 job applications are both truths and lies!", Leonard thought to himself as his mind descended into a state of delirium at this shocking turn of events.
You could do away with the bold. If something happens that's clearly shocking, you don't need to tell us it's shocking. If you're telling us shocking because you don't think people will get that something is shocking, then you should probably change that thing to be more shocking.
In the paragraph after the first two applications, almost every sentence ends with an exclamation mark. This lessened the impact for me of it.