[Winter Contest Entry 2015] Like Holding White Elephants

I just thought I'd jump in and say that I did not get that the protagonist is eavesdropping on the conversation at the beginning.

Plenty of digression like wondering whether Heather has a child, a rather dry and bitter remark about their father and Heather poking fun at Rowan wanting a little sister. I would expect that in a dialogue but it still throws me off. Had there be more of it I would have thought that this exchange is about something else, not about Lily being their sister.

This is where breaks of a descriptive line or two would make reading easier for me. The same applies to the earlier part of the exchange where Heather was nagging at Rowan. Could have been more concerned if the dialogue is cut and one or two lines of explanation were given before continuing.

A lot of the lines said there are more for establishing character and giving expositional hints. Like him questioning whether his sister had a kid. This was meant to show how uninvolved he is in the lives of his family while also showing how crass he can be. I definitely understand what you mean though. Looking back on it, I could have done this scene a lot better.