leonard267 Posts

leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
With apologies to the user above, I once more disagree with the user above the user above!
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Man is glad not because he disagrees with me but because I disagree with him. How strange. Mind you, there is a difference.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Alas, it is hard to agree with him.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Beg to differ with apologies to d.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Am I right to say that Murikans hate English subtitles on English language shows? By the way this is directed at the user above.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
animefreak_usa wrote...
Two weeks ago i was in Modesto. Never been.

Humans are just saints and sinners without the benefits of freedom to do both without consequences.

1. Why you online and not enjoying life?
2. Twenty dollars.... whattodo?


Ans to 1: It was once said that religion is the opiate of the masses. Now, it is the Internet. Pardon me for indulging in it.

Ans to 2: Twenty dollars gives me 2 days worth of food. Would spend it all on food for the next two days.

Qn 1: What is the purpose of setting up a construction contract?
Qn 2: Any study tips? Having trouble revising because I don't know where to begin!
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Is RoyalElite still awake?
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
I have sent the user above a Skype message
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Revelation wrote...
leoitard267 wrote...
Tegumi wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
Would yitu humour this user by reading and remarking about the contents that can be accessed by clicking the following link?

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/2roads-2014-the-lady-of-the-night


It wasn't bad, but I felt the narrative sort of fell apart towards the end.



Which leads me to my second question: Did you get the joke?


My god, you attention whore.

TEGUMU, What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color?


Well, our hostess doesn't mind it, does she? (My third question to her, by the way.)

I have to say that if you want people to read what you write, the only way to go about it is to get people to read it. What you call attention whoring, I call sharing. You should do the same.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Tegumi wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
Would you humour this user by reading and remarking about the contents that can be accessed by clicking the following link?

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/2roads-2014-the-lady-of-the-night


It wasn't bad, but I felt the narrative sort of fell apart towards the end.



Which leads me to my second question: Did you get the joke?
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
xhimitsu wrote...


I'm sorry you didn't understand what I trying to tell with the story and sorry if it was confusing. (⑅´†¢âŒ”†¢`) But Thank you for taking time to read it anyway. I'm not very familiar with writing in general so I just wrote in a style which I found most natural. But yeah maybe it did get a bit too self-obsessionish. Though it was on purpose that the I tried to make the characters want to get away from reality by seeing only what they wanted to see and hearing only what they wanted to hear. Like they were trying to deceive themselves.

Also I will take what you wrote about death, life and time to me as reference next time I write. Since I didn't wanted to overdo the word limit I tried to keep it as superficial as possible, maybe it just made the story too plain. (๑ ˊ ᐞ ˋ)

About time, since the story doesn't revolve about time as a main character as such. It didn't get much to say and do in the story, but it might be a good prompt for a spin off or just another story focusing mainly on time and how time indeed is neglected and took for granted.

Thank you a lot for commenting and I hope to improve by the few things you mentioned!~


high_time would not approve of this, but I hope you won't mind me trying to have an argument here. I love arguments. It really boils down to my tastes in reading. I see writing as a tool rather than an artform, a mode of communication rather than a mode of entertainment.

So, this writing is not for me, but don't be discouraged. So many other people like it as well. It is not about how you write but rather what I want to see written. For me, I would have enjoyed more if it is allegorical with references to the real world and real life concerns. But I wager other people would dislike that.

I thought that the whole story, all three spoilers, are told from the point of view of Time and how she felt about Life and Death to tell you the truth. It could have helped if you made it more clearer in the final spoiler who Life and Death were. E.g. The cheery young woman was Life, the gloomy young man was Death, and I am Time itself.

I think another reason why I misunderstood the entry is because I don't know who are Life and Death are referring to. Describing them and ruminating about inner feelings I feel does not suffice. Take for example the first spoiler about Life: Life must at least tell what Death does instead of how he looks so I have an idea what Life is referring to.

PS: I like the plain and the superficial to tell you the truth. They make things easy to understand. Again, not many people would like that.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Alas I could not understand it. It read to me like a riddle, describing what Life is, what Death is and what Time is and asking the reader to guess. I think it is safe for me to say that the entry is written in the form of a monologue where the main character being Time interacts with Life and Death. I don't take too much to inner monologues unless they are silly.

(In fact, the many monologues I write are parodies of monologues like these. There is something I dislike about a monologue. I believe it is self-obsession and the impression that the person doing the monologue is his own world detached from reality.)

I thought the entry ought to go beyond mere descriptions of Death, like He being cloaked in black and how Time feels about them. How Time feels have no bearing on me. How about real references to real world pertaining to death? Most dread Death, some have Death foisted on them, a few nutcases welcome it. Some goes for Life and Time. These actually may have something to do with me since all of us have to deal with life and death and we have time.

(Time I feel is something that we all neglect and take for granted until there is too little of it. I think Ms. Time should be written like a battered housewife who finally realises that she is not appreciated and leaves her abusive family.)
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
RoyalElite wrote...
Spoiler:
****excuse my grammar/spelling, i suck at it***

I really dilly and batililly liked this one.

I was able to picture the whole story in my head with ease and the story itself was well written. Although the story itself was pretty predictable, the background story of Jason and Rose show'd that they were no ordinary bandit's. I also liked the part's where you introduce'd the gate guard into the story and gave him the appropriate personality. Karne played the role of a sucker who fell for the trap well. I really liked how you gave that snobby military characteristic to Inquisitor Zarkazon. He play'd his part with perfection at the Gate scene really well.
Overall, it was definitely really good story but I would have wished for an alternative ending. An ending where Jason has already gone through Death itself and knew how lonely and dark it was. Experiencing that alone made him wish for Rose to live long and well so that she wouldn't have to go through was he has gone through. He might have also believe'd that if he was to ever die again, that Rose might be able to revive him back from the dead just as before. Then he think of a plan to convince that if they were to ever be caught in a tight situation, that he would like for her to live on, and he will probably have to feed her some bs on how she could revive him back to life if something was to ever happen, so she wont back out of the plan. Then when it comes to the part where they are caught in the alley, Jason whisper to Rose that he's going to make an opening to help her escape. She manage's to escape while he try's to take out as many as he can until he ends up being killed by a lucky stab from Inquisitor Zarkazon. End it there and make the reader wanting to crave for more. I know that If i was in Jason shoe's, that what I would have done.
Ohh boy, but I must say, you gave Rose a wonderful name. When you think hard about her name, you will soon realize that it fits in perfect with the story. It so perfect that you can even take out the part where her parents gave her that name but instead replace it to show that she had another name but the Malteer Empire gave her that nickname based on her background. Why is it perfect? Well, when you think about a pretty lady that has proper manners, and is kind to all, you think of an innocent lady and when you think about a rose, you either see it as way of showing life or death, also a Rose has thorns on them. As a lady bandit, she's the type of gal that deceives people with her innocence (Innocent part of her name), but she can also take your life if she wanted to(A rose of death), but in her case, she was able to bring her partner back to life(A rose of life), which leads to her name as Innocent Rose. So when commoners think of a bandit called "Innocent Rose", they will think of a Rose that may seem innocent by it's natural beauty but can easily cut you with it's sharp thorns. So the name reminded to watch out for any innocent lady's, as she can take your life away if you get caught in her trap..... Exactly as how that man on that wagon died. Saw a pretty young lady come out from the creepy forest, fell for her trap, and payed the price of death.
Ahh, but ya, no need to listen to me about changing it, my fantasy's are running wild on this story right now.

But ya i liked it, good job.

There was only two sentence's that didn't sound right to me

This didn't sound right. You can probably word it better.
“It’s just down the main road, big sign out front. You can’t miss it."
Specifically this part
"Big sign out front"

Second is this. It left me confused.
Rose cursed the halfwit excuses for parents the gods had graced her with.
Didn't like how this sounded also.
Could they have come up with a dumber name?
I feel like it would of been better if you said
"Couldn't they have came up with a better name?"


d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
The first little scene with the arrow is a result of me going OCD and wanting to cover as many logical gaps as I could. After writing the scene where Rose stops Karne so Jason can sneak up behind and kill him, I realized they could have just used arrows without having to go through the trouble of creating the ruse they used. So I thought to myself, "I must include something that explains why they won't be using arrows!" Not that that counters your point at all. I just wanted to share.


Why didn't you explain as to who killed Karne in the story. I picture'd it as Rose killing Karne with a dagger right in the back while he was lifting her, and then Jason showing up seconds later already looking inside the Wagon.


Meh, i'm no writer as you can see, so don't overkill me.


I have something interesting to share with you d. Royal disliked my entry as much he liked yours. Interesting eh? He thinks my entry is a mess (no idea why, I supposed it had to do with the tone being all over the place) though I have to say that your entry is a mess (my apologies) in the sense of alternating between point of views. I suppose he is going with how he feels about the entry. My entry is fooling around with him and the tone of your entry is more or less consistent.

As for Karne, I admit that I somehow managed not to pay attention to the sentence that described him as a merchant. But in terms how he was relevant to the story, yes I would like to ask, "Who is he?" I supposed his death was to show that Rose is a bandit. If it was the point of view of someone significant like the Inquisitor then the switch of POV would easier to stomach.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
I hope you would not mind criticism. I believe both of us are resigned to the fact that we do not take to each other's work and you can already picture my criticism about this entry I have without having to read through the entire post.

I have made clear my preference for the traditional narrative where things are preferably in chronological order and where characters and settings ought to be defined. For examples of these I refer you to the classic collection of Chinese ghost stories known as Strange Tales from a Studio by Pu Songling of the Qing Dynasty (or if you are familiar with English history, the Georgian era). Perhaps you can get your hands on the translation by the great Sinologist Hebert Giles. (There is even fourth-wall breaking at the end of each story which I think must have picked up subconsciously.)

Digressing aside, same old gripes not too dissimilar with my problems with your adventure in some permafrost research base contest entry which featured a crossword puzzle with nonsense words and suggestions of infanticide. It is very difficult to string together disjointed stories into something coherent and that is made more difficult because I don't know how Jason is (and what he is doing with a carcass), I don't know who Karne is (and what he knows best) and more matters that have to do with a proper introduction of characters and setting.

Here is a 'review' reminiscent of LEONARD267 HATES A GAME OF THRONES PROLOGUE:

Spoiler:
I am frustrated with why I should read the story in Karne's point of view when he is about to killed anyway. It is a distraction from the story and it left me wondering what merit it served. Is it too crass to kill him from Rose's point of view?

Neither is it made clear how the parts linked together though I supposed Karne was impaled in the stomach by Rose though I can never be too sure especially since you described Rose as "Innocent". (Why is she called "Innocent"?)

"If not for the fire" was perplexing. I thought I was going to be told who Rose and Jason were but then it goes on to talk about the undead which I thought was out of nowhere. One would think that they are bandits not zombie-slayers. The part where I expected more exposition but that was replaced with a sex scene which is cut off just before the action is about to take place. Now that is frustrating.

(Read it again and I blame how the sentences are ordered. Instead of saying "Jason received a mortal wound and was somehow brought back to life by Rose. Now they travel together making a living by rendering people destitute.", the plot points are strewn all over the place with a brief mention of his wound before references to him being a zombie, then I had to go to the next spoiler to find out that Rose brought him back to life.)

"This trip to town": Who is Zarakazon? In fact who are Jason and Rose? Some information is furnished but I think it should be the case at the start of every story for the main characters to be introduced and some of their motivations are made clear.

One mile back: Now we know who Zarakazon is? But what is an Inquisitor? What is a Mallister Freerider? Who is the duke? Who are our antagonists?

No tighter situation: I could have enjoyed the action but I don't know who is who and why are they having a fight in the inn. It may be the word limit but I am sure at least we could agree that "No tighter situation" is a non-conclusion.

(I see that Innocent is actually a name not a title. Who could have thought!)



I have my suspicions that my gripes with your entry are exactly what you thought made it good, just like your points of criticism of my entry are exactly why I thought my entry is enjoyable. I can quite confidently say that I am not going to change my style anytime soon and I see no reason why you have to do the same.

Alas where our tastes of how a story ought to be presented is concerned, I fear what lie between us is a chasm that can never be bridged. You enjoy more contemporary ways of telling a story and I am more old fashioned.

PS: I might consider doing a bit of translation (perhaps that of Strange Tales) in the future.
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
I am presented with another opportunity to ask the gentleman above: How did he get a free comic from the site's creator?
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
How did he get a free comic from the site's creator?
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
supachoob wrote...
As summer says bye
And the rain never comes by
Humans start to cry

A fractal world hides
Synchronicities collide
A mind begins flight


Hello Supachoob
I like writing nonsense here
Please read these for me.

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/2roads-2014-the-lady-of-the-night

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-writing-contest-wrap-up-campaigning-and-mudslinging
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
Would you humour this user by reading and remarking about the contents that can be accessed by clicking the following link?

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/2roads-2014-the-lady-of-the-night
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
I like poetry that manages to condense what could be an autobiography into a few lines. Needless to say I enjoyed it. I dislike poetry or any art form that is too abstract and removed from what I see in daily life. (Feel free to call me a philistine) I now have two questions to ask:

1. Is any part of the poem true?
2. Have you read my alleged entry?
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
That said and done, have you read my entry? It is less than 1500 words! It should take you less than 3 minutes to browse through it. I would really like to know what you think of it.
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