Looky-tan wrote...
Where to even start...
You won't get anywhere by dragging yourself down, take some time and try to make yourself into the person you want to believe. Do what you have to do for love, but don't sit there and call yourself worthless over and over, you'll get stuck and if you continue you'll miss out on this guy that you love.
I know you're already trying hard to earn money and all that but if you really think you're pathetic, try and change yourself into something you believe is not pathetic, try to change yourself into something you want to be and that you're comfortable being.
Good luck, dude.