FAKKU Writers' Lounge

Doll of Kafka

The story tells the reader about Naoko, a 16 year old high school girl. She lost her big brother, Toru, who's a year apart from her. The big brother comitted suicide - he hanged himself in his room. Nobody knows what happened to Toru. At first he seems to be cheerful as usual. Then one day comes and he starts feeling really depressed - he copped himself in his room - only Naoko knows about it.

They were the best of friends - sometimes their relationship even borders to an intimate bonding between brothers and sisters. It was truly a taboo in their family, who believes in everything that must be prim and proper. Toru was a really good student. Has a very polite behavior. Smart and intelligent. Good at sports, music, art and literature. He's also a good looking man. He was the gold of the family, even more, since he's an eldest son - everyone seems to be relying on him - relying on his bright future.

His sister, Naoko, wasn't as bright as him. Naoko wasn't good at academics, not even at other things like her brother does. She was unsociable. She acts weird at times, and her lack of talkativeness sometimes made her relatives deem her as - some kind of 'mentally challenged'. There was one thing about Naoko, which makes her a very interesting girl.

She had a kind of ethereal beauty, with skin soft as the white sands in the beaches, her short black hair forming a captivating glint as the sun wavers at her. The eye-catching body posture reminiscent to a fairy, frail and fragile looking, but also contains a magical power within. How she moved, how she walked - everything was magical about her features.

Looking at a glance - one might mistook her as a doll. She was a kind girl in heart, and deep inside, she's a very sensitive girl. She had a really melancholic side of her, and at times she's really genuine with her feelings. Though, no one seems to understand her as much as her brother did - she was only open to her brother. Her family only thought of her beauty as a commodity, aiming for her to become a bride to a very dependable man. Naoko didn't say anything about it, rather, she couldn't say that her only love was her own brother.

Though, it's a matter of fact that both Toru and Naoko wasn't that close to their family. They had to wear a mask and pretend to be good boys and girls - so they would just leave them alone.

One day, her brother committed suicide. Nobody really knows the reason why he did it, even more for Naoko - who was with him most of times. What was her own worth for all this? She did gave him the love, the affection, the appreciation. She speaks to him almost every day - why did this happen? Why did, someone with a bright future like him eventually started over - wanting to end his own life?

It was truly a shock to the family. They were broken; they were lost; they spent the entirety of days crying and mourning at his death. Naoko was completely at loss for words - even with all of her powers she couldn't even manage to say a word - she was simply overburdened by such sadness - tears won't even come out. out. If there's one thing she wanted - she probably just want to die right away - going after her own brother. The most she want to know, was probably the reason why her brother selfishly left her alone. Why didn't they just die together? Why didn't he ever thought of her and simply opt to kill himself?

Questions kept on swirling in her head. Still, no satisfactory answers surfaced.

Naoko was even less sociable after that. Her heart totally looks like it's going to break in two. She didn't speak to anyone at all. She was stuck in her room - presumably haven't eaten for one or two days. She collapsed in her own room when the family maid found her. Her parents took her into hospital. They were glad the problem wasn't that perilous - just a case of malnutrition.

After few days being hospitalized, Naoko was sent back home. Nothing much has changed after all - she still talked less and less - sometimes none at all. Her parents did not seem to care about her troubles, they just want her to be healthy. They just wanted her to finish High School so she could just get married and have kids right away. So she could bear children, continuing the family's legacy, bearing a heir to the family, that hopefully would be another gold mine for them to exploit.

It was one time. They were so upset when Naoko starts skipping school and her grades went worse. It was the first time that her father actually had hit her. Naoko didn't say anything. At that moment, she could barely feel a tinge of pain. She was digressing further, becoming a void.

There goes a shout from the maid. Telling the lord to stop, telling him - that it's her responsibility to tend over Naoko. So the maid decided to give Naoko a 'friend' to keep up her spirits by until she graduates from high school.

Yes. It was a 'friend', they thought, that was best suited for Naoko.

A doll. Not just an ordinary doll, a special kind of doll for her to confide in.

Naoko and the maid went to a doll store. The maid tried picking up things she thought would be compatible enough to be Naoko's friend. During the browsing activity, Naoko - who supposedly should be following behind her - she disappeared into nowhere. Who knows where she'd be wondering around.

Yeah. The maid went frantic, and start to look all over for her. Moments passed - there doesn't seem to be any clue regarding her whereabouts. One moment before the maid finally lost hope - even opting to call the police - Naoko finally went back to her. Carrying an absurd looking doll - a hercules beetle with a ridiculous, out-of-place clothes. She called the doll her friend; she named him 'Gregor' because the name sounds funny and made her happy. Similar to the same feel when she noticed

Something goofy and become happy about it.

Anyways, the strange thing was, the clerk and the other people doesn't seem to recognize even a single doll looking like Gregor - the doll in Naoko's embrace. They opt to send the doll away for free, because it looks so ridiculous - probably even ugly to some, and it somewhat tarnished the fluffy and adorable feel garnered by the dolls in the store - they practically just want to get rid of it as soon as they see it. Thus, Naoko gladly took their supposedly generous offer and ran off with Gregor - bringing him to her home.

It was nothing sort but an astonishing spectacle - if Gregor was actually found by the mistress and the lord of the house - Naoko's father and Mother. The maid herself was filled with abhorrence to Gregor's appearance, such ridiculousness of appearance tickling the depths of her aesthetic sense. Thankfully, the first start of living with Gregor gives Naoko a fresh start.

Embracing the quiet Gregor, Naoko was able to little by little, forgot the past misery and move on towards a brighter future. The rest of the story goes to tell, a journey about a lonely girl carrying around a ridiculous looking doll. The journey where she would finally move on from her own past misery, on towards a brighter tomorrow. Nobody knows, that Gregor holds something inside him, something much more than what a mere, ordinary doll could provide.