between love and family......
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right to the point.i have a cousin who is 2yrs older than me.
she's hot,kind and caring,so i'm attracted to her.
we started out like another normal cousin,hanging out together and stuff.
but i incidentally.....
had sex with her.
that was like,5-6 yrs ago.
after that incident we are practically a couple.until now.
we always seeing each other behind our family's back.
having sex when nobody's at home,those kinds of thing.....
we even thought about getting married.
it's all fine for me,but recently she wants me to declare our relationship
openly to everyone,including my family.
she said she can't stand doing this anymore.
she wants to be with me,but not like in this way.not behind the screen.
and if i can't declare our status to everyone,we're over.
it's a dilemma for me.
i know i love her and she loves me back.
i want to keep this relationship.
but i dont know how our family would react had they know this.
she seems to be ready for anything.
but i'm not.i'm still scared that our family would scorn and kick both of us out of the family.if we do this.
it may sounds greedy,considering of what i've done,but i want to retain the relationships i have with both my family and her.
what should i do.....
i don't know what to do anymore.....
somebody please help me.....
P.S: pardon my messed up english and abit of emo-ness.
she's hot,kind and caring,so i'm attracted to her.
we started out like another normal cousin,hanging out together and stuff.
but i incidentally.....
had sex with her.
that was like,5-6 yrs ago.
after that incident we are practically a couple.until now.
we always seeing each other behind our family's back.
having sex when nobody's at home,those kinds of thing.....
we even thought about getting married.
it's all fine for me,but recently she wants me to declare our relationship
openly to everyone,including my family.
she said she can't stand doing this anymore.
she wants to be with me,but not like in this way.not behind the screen.
and if i can't declare our status to everyone,we're over.
it's a dilemma for me.
i know i love her and she loves me back.
i want to keep this relationship.
but i dont know how our family would react had they know this.
she seems to be ready for anything.
but i'm not.i'm still scared that our family would scorn and kick both of us out of the family.if we do this.
it may sounds greedy,considering of what i've done,but i want to retain the relationships i have with both my family and her.
what should i do.....
i don't know what to do anymore.....
somebody please help me.....
P.S: pardon my messed up english and abit of emo-ness.
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I'll be honest; I'm fucking jealous... verrry jealous because you get to do this and that.
That put aside, there's not much to say. Do you really love her? Ask yourself, and search your heart deep down, and ask that question again. If you love her like no other, take the risk. I'm rooting for you cause hell, I'm a romanticist, and I don't particularly think much of incest, especially between cousins. Why, well it ain't like you're making out with your sister or, god forbids, your mother - you get my point. Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President of the U.S. during the Great Depression and World War II, married his cousin as well. But unless you are not confident in anything or yourself and you do not truly love her, then don't break relations with your family. Family bonds, once cut, are very hard to sew back together, and it doesn't matter who you are, family is important. If things like financial problems, housing, jobs and issues related to living are bothering you, then make your cousin understand your concerns and ask her to wait until you are financially secure with a place to crash at, permanently or not. Then bring your marriage proposal and discuss it with your parents, and fingers crossed, they'll agree to it. Of course, shock and surprise and outrage is to be expected, but anything can go from there. But you must play it cool and explain that you really love her and vice versa and nothing can separate the two of you. (I actually think it's more important to be financially secure if yall have to elope somewhere.)
Here's another point to consider. All in all, they're your family, and family bonds aren't easily cut or thrown away, nor they should be. Now this is assuming you are going to marry your cousin if you have the heart and will. As parents, they shouldn't disown just because you love your cousin. If they do, they aren't acting as real parents should because honestly, there's nobody you can trust in this world except your parents and loved ones. And even if they are against your proposal of marriage 100% of the way, just remember that they were your parents and that they gave you a lot attention, love, and care to bring you up into this very multifaceted, complicated, and gritty world. You can't fault them, and nor should they question your love, but you know, you can't have everything in this world. If they hate you, decry you, whatever, just remember they're your parents, and nothing can replace them. I hope in due time, (if you plan to marry her) they will come to understand you. A child's happiness is parent's happiness.
Now, questions for you, mnx:
1. In your country (please specify which), is incest outlawed (legally), frowned upon by society, or whatever and cousin-love is fine?
2. Are you of working age? If so, do you have a job? Could you get a job if you don't have one? Are you in college? (If you are, then both of you should wait until you're out of college and get a job and know what it is to live in the real world, unsheltered by your parents and decision-making that you never had to make.)
Please answer honestly, and then we can gauge the situation from there. I hope this helped in some way. I'm really all for your love, but it's always important to keep a sane and cool head on you at all times.
That put aside, there's not much to say. Do you really love her? Ask yourself, and search your heart deep down, and ask that question again. If you love her like no other, take the risk. I'm rooting for you cause hell, I'm a romanticist, and I don't particularly think much of incest, especially between cousins. Why, well it ain't like you're making out with your sister or, god forbids, your mother - you get my point. Franklin Delano Roosevelt, President of the U.S. during the Great Depression and World War II, married his cousin as well. But unless you are not confident in anything or yourself and you do not truly love her, then don't break relations with your family. Family bonds, once cut, are very hard to sew back together, and it doesn't matter who you are, family is important. If things like financial problems, housing, jobs and issues related to living are bothering you, then make your cousin understand your concerns and ask her to wait until you are financially secure with a place to crash at, permanently or not. Then bring your marriage proposal and discuss it with your parents, and fingers crossed, they'll agree to it. Of course, shock and surprise and outrage is to be expected, but anything can go from there. But you must play it cool and explain that you really love her and vice versa and nothing can separate the two of you. (I actually think it's more important to be financially secure if yall have to elope somewhere.)
Here's another point to consider. All in all, they're your family, and family bonds aren't easily cut or thrown away, nor they should be. Now this is assuming you are going to marry your cousin if you have the heart and will. As parents, they shouldn't disown just because you love your cousin. If they do, they aren't acting as real parents should because honestly, there's nobody you can trust in this world except your parents and loved ones. And even if they are against your proposal of marriage 100% of the way, just remember that they were your parents and that they gave you a lot attention, love, and care to bring you up into this very multifaceted, complicated, and gritty world. You can't fault them, and nor should they question your love, but you know, you can't have everything in this world. If they hate you, decry you, whatever, just remember they're your parents, and nothing can replace them. I hope in due time, (if you plan to marry her) they will come to understand you. A child's happiness is parent's happiness.
Now, questions for you, mnx:
1. In your country (please specify which), is incest outlawed (legally), frowned upon by society, or whatever and cousin-love is fine?
2. Are you of working age? If so, do you have a job? Could you get a job if you don't have one? Are you in college? (If you are, then both of you should wait until you're out of college and get a job and know what it is to live in the real world, unsheltered by your parents and decision-making that you never had to make.)
Please answer honestly, and then we can gauge the situation from there. I hope this helped in some way. I'm really all for your love, but it's always important to keep a sane and cool head on you at all times.
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if my parents are as loving as you said,then there won't be any problem.
my parents is religious to the point that they're fanatic.
and my religion have a rule that sez:death sentence to anybody who do incest.
i had countless of ex-gf,but none of them make me head over heels.
and my current gf/cousin is making me head over heels.
and yeah,i love her.as long as it doesn't cut my tie with my parents,i'll do anything for her.
my parents is religious to the point that they're fanatic.
and my religion have a rule that sez:death sentence to anybody who do incest.
i had countless of ex-gf,but none of them make me head over heels.
and my current gf/cousin is making me head over heels.
and yeah,i love her.as long as it doesn't cut my tie with my parents,i'll do anything for her.
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By your last statement, I'm not too sure that there's anything you can do at this point. You say that incest carries a death sentence, your parents are piously religious, and you don't want to cut ties with your parents... I don't know man, all of this is pointing against your relationship with your cousin. Because really, this is a question of give it your all or end it because there are other things that have a higher ethical value than incest-love. True love or familial bonds... not an easy choice, given the odds stacked against you. But take some time to think about it, talk it over with your cousin if your relationship is feasible, and again ask yourself if you truly love and are willing to go through heaven and hell to be with her. She might want a decision soon, but a couple of days won't hurt. Think it over and do a little soul-searching and do a balance of your priorities. You still have time, and you're young.
Please relook at my previous post again, I made another edit to my post.
I would also wait for the opinions of other more experienced members of this website. Get their opinions and then gauge the situation again. If possible, try a professional counselor of sorts? Who knows, they might help. I just want to let you know that time is still with you and there's no point in acting like testosterone-charged fool. Fakku's with you all the way, and love is power.
+ rep for being honest and bringing such a personal and weighty issue for us Fakku members to comment and counsel on. It takes a man to realize his fears and try to deal with them.
Please relook at my previous post again, I made another edit to my post.
I would also wait for the opinions of other more experienced members of this website. Get their opinions and then gauge the situation again. If possible, try a professional counselor of sorts? Who knows, they might help. I just want to let you know that time is still with you and there's no point in acting like testosterone-charged fool. Fakku's with you all the way, and love is power.
+ rep for being honest and bringing such a personal and weighty issue for us Fakku members to comment and counsel on. It takes a man to realize his fears and try to deal with them.
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the answers for your Qs:
1.Indonesia. cousin love is death sentenced by my religion,not by my country.but it is frowned by the society.but i am moving to japan this october.japan is fine with this ,i think.
2.i am still in college,but i do have some sidejobs(i am a part-time cook at a diner) to cover my everyday expenses.my parents are not sending me allowance anymore,afterall.
oh,and a proper thank you is in order.
1.Indonesia. cousin love is death sentenced by my religion,not by my country.but it is frowned by the society.but i am moving to japan this october.japan is fine with this ,i think.
2.i am still in college,but i do have some sidejobs(i am a part-time cook at a diner) to cover my everyday expenses.my parents are not sending me allowance anymore,afterall.
oh,and a proper thank you is in order.
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Hmm... it's also another question of whether or not YOU are highly religious or not, but since this is the situation, I'm assuming religion is not an issue with you or her but with your parents, and that's an issue of love vs. family where I can't make a decision for you other than knowing your measure of love for your cousin.
As for relocation, the U.S. or Japan is fine, but if so relocating, remember to get your passports/VISAs ready as well as citizenry tests. (Of course you've got to have money to accomplish this in the first place.) But before we even think about eloping or marrying, getting out of college with passing grades is number one most important thing. Nothing should get in your way during college because it is the last crutch you will have before facing the real world, facing real society, and actually truly living independently of sorts. I'm in college myself, and I've been in a sticky situation myself. I'm currently studying to improve my situation (even now, I'm typing over my financial accounting textbook), and believe me there is nothing more important than getting through college... and you really don't need this sort of bomb on your hands. I highly stress that getting out of college should be your top priority in order to ENSURE a well-off future. You'll dig yourself a grave if you don't think ahead. And if you're serious with her, make her understand that your relationship must be a secret until after you or she is out of college. The now and the future are equally important and you must convince her of that if you guys want to live happily ever after. (Well, marriage is a happy end if yall can overcome the hurdles to the road and on the road. Life's never easy.)
Another point to consider: if you're really head over heels in love with her, you shouldn't give her up. Why? Well, the saying goes that in this world there's a lot of fish out there, that there other potential soul-mates out there. I say that's bullshit because it ain't easy finding another soul compatible with yours, even if the whole world is your fishing pond. It's a long time searching, and you might be fruitless and never meet someone like your cousin ever again. You've had a relationship for what, 5-6 years? It's a remarkable feat, no joke. That's something not easy to maintain my friend; good going, and a healthy sign of strong, mutual love. You're really a man you know? Be proud yourself because coming from me, that means a lot.
You're welcome by the way. Anytime my almost-groom-to-be because we're Fakku, we're here to talk and help. I'll be up maybe one more hour before handing the issue to someone else if anyone else does sees this. If you have anything else you want to get out of the way or off your chest, please do so.
As for relocation, the U.S. or Japan is fine, but if so relocating, remember to get your passports/VISAs ready as well as citizenry tests. (Of course you've got to have money to accomplish this in the first place.) But before we even think about eloping or marrying, getting out of college with passing grades is number one most important thing. Nothing should get in your way during college because it is the last crutch you will have before facing the real world, facing real society, and actually truly living independently of sorts. I'm in college myself, and I've been in a sticky situation myself. I'm currently studying to improve my situation (even now, I'm typing over my financial accounting textbook), and believe me there is nothing more important than getting through college... and you really don't need this sort of bomb on your hands. I highly stress that getting out of college should be your top priority in order to ENSURE a well-off future. You'll dig yourself a grave if you don't think ahead. And if you're serious with her, make her understand that your relationship must be a secret until after you or she is out of college. The now and the future are equally important and you must convince her of that if you guys want to live happily ever after. (Well, marriage is a happy end if yall can overcome the hurdles to the road and on the road. Life's never easy.)
Another point to consider: if you're really head over heels in love with her, you shouldn't give her up. Why? Well, the saying goes that in this world there's a lot of fish out there, that there other potential soul-mates out there. I say that's bullshit because it ain't easy finding another soul compatible with yours, even if the whole world is your fishing pond. It's a long time searching, and you might be fruitless and never meet someone like your cousin ever again. You've had a relationship for what, 5-6 years? It's a remarkable feat, no joke. That's something not easy to maintain my friend; good going, and a healthy sign of strong, mutual love. You're really a man you know? Be proud yourself because coming from me, that means a lot.
You're welcome by the way. Anytime my almost-groom-to-be because we're Fakku, we're here to talk and help. I'll be up maybe one more hour before handing the issue to someone else if anyone else does sees this. If you have anything else you want to get out of the way or off your chest, please do so.
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thanks for your concern,really.
if it's about education,no worries.
i'm all set to go to japan this october to continue my education on a full scholarship.no problem with visa and living etc.
if its just me,no problemo. :)
i am concerned about if i do elope,how would i manage her living expenses?
i can't possibly ask her to get a job for me.she's still in college,like me.maybe you're right,i should wait until both of us graduates.
as for her japan citizenship,i could apply for her after i live in japan for 5 yrs.so no prob with that either.
soo,after thinking while considering your posts,my main concern right now is even after i'm all set with her,i still have to face my family head-on.
but yeah,i am thinking that whatever happens,i shouldn't let go of her.
she's to precious to let go of. :D
if it's about education,no worries.
i'm all set to go to japan this october to continue my education on a full scholarship.no problem with visa and living etc.
if its just me,no problemo. :)
i am concerned about if i do elope,how would i manage her living expenses?
i can't possibly ask her to get a job for me.she's still in college,like me.maybe you're right,i should wait until both of us graduates.
as for her japan citizenship,i could apply for her after i live in japan for 5 yrs.so no prob with that either.
soo,after thinking while considering your posts,my main concern right now is even after i'm all set with her,i still have to face my family head-on.
but yeah,i am thinking that whatever happens,i shouldn't let go of her.
she's to precious to let go of. :D
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Ah, as long you both get out of college with degrees, that takes a load off my mind. It is so necessary to graduate and find a well paying job. Apparently nursing is a good profession to be in, though if that was Indonesia or Phillipines I'm not quite too sure.
I would not consider relocating to another nation just quite yet. Does your cousin know Japanese or English? Does she know Japanese culture like you do? I just don't think it's a viable option just yet to live in a different nation. Surely you could relocate somewhere else in Indonesia if you have to. As for her living expenses, she should get a job herself because it will be damn hard to survive on your income alone. I don't believe the two of you could survive without each of you earning a salary. At least if the the two of you can graduate from college, you'll both have the potential to find jobs well above the minimum wage in most nations, though annual starting pay can start around... $15,000 USD to $40,000 USD, which ain't much but better than most manual service jobs. The job market in Japan or America ain't rosy since right now we're in an economic recession. Plus, Japanese living expenses are through the roof depending where you live, especially the big cities and the surrounding prefectures.
You can deal with your parents after you both graduate from college, and hopefully you have a steady career of sorts by then. Your parents, as diehard religious followers they may be, should see that you are a full-grown man with the ability to feed his family with or without their help, that you are able to support your love with your cousin. This is a crucial point that your parents cannot fail to miss, hence my reasoning to announce your love and marriage proposal after graduating. You've got all you need to go out and face the real world. As for your love vs. familial bonds, I can't be the judge of that, but you get my point... err points by now.
Damn right she'd too precious to let go of. Hold onto her dearly and lovingly. As for my concern, I like to help people out, a confidant of sorts as I've heard some deep and dark secrets from a lot of my friends. I just happened to be lucky to respond first.
I would not consider relocating to another nation just quite yet. Does your cousin know Japanese or English? Does she know Japanese culture like you do? I just don't think it's a viable option just yet to live in a different nation. Surely you could relocate somewhere else in Indonesia if you have to. As for her living expenses, she should get a job herself because it will be damn hard to survive on your income alone. I don't believe the two of you could survive without each of you earning a salary. At least if the the two of you can graduate from college, you'll both have the potential to find jobs well above the minimum wage in most nations, though annual starting pay can start around... $15,000 USD to $40,000 USD, which ain't much but better than most manual service jobs. The job market in Japan or America ain't rosy since right now we're in an economic recession. Plus, Japanese living expenses are through the roof depending where you live, especially the big cities and the surrounding prefectures.
You can deal with your parents after you both graduate from college, and hopefully you have a steady career of sorts by then. Your parents, as diehard religious followers they may be, should see that you are a full-grown man with the ability to feed his family with or without their help, that you are able to support your love with your cousin. This is a crucial point that your parents cannot fail to miss, hence my reasoning to announce your love and marriage proposal after graduating. You've got all you need to go out and face the real world. As for your love vs. familial bonds, I can't be the judge of that, but you get my point... err points by now.
Damn right she'd too precious to let go of. Hold onto her dearly and lovingly. As for my concern, I like to help people out, a confidant of sorts as I've heard some deep and dark secrets from a lot of my friends. I just happened to be lucky to respond first.
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damn man....i can't believe that you are still in college.you are so.....
wise.maybe those dark secrets of your friends helps a lot huh?
hmmmmm i get your point(s). yeah maybe i should make her learn japanese stuffs.
and as for jobs,(in case i elope later after i graduate) no worries.....
i am a soon-to-be pharmacist,
while she's a soon-to-be dermatologist.
the only thing left is the line i should use when i'm talking to my parents.but i'll think of that later.
btw,i've got a lecture so i'm out for now.thanks.
wise.maybe those dark secrets of your friends helps a lot huh?
hmmmmm i get your point(s). yeah maybe i should make her learn japanese stuffs.
and as for jobs,(in case i elope later after i graduate) no worries.....
i am a soon-to-be pharmacist,
while she's a soon-to-be dermatologist.
the only thing left is the line i should use when i'm talking to my parents.but i'll think of that later.
btw,i've got a lecture so i'm out for now.thanks.
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I guess you can read this when you get back. Medical professions? Damn, you guys are set really. The medical field is always in high demand with average to great annual salaries.
Well, I wouldn't worry about how to break the ice with your parents just yet, though it's my own policy to be open and honest, but not blunt like a block of wood or be pretty with words. Be strong, confident, and openly profess your love and that you are prepared to face the consequences (other than death... that's one fate I hope won't happen cause stoning mad outdated).
As for me being wise, I'm flattered, but no, I'm not anymore wise than you are. I'm just a bystander calmly analyzing the situation and giving out succint counseling. It's the fact that people spill secrets to me makes me reliable on matters of the heart, in a sense, though I'm no psychiatrist or counselor, and I'm only a rising sophmore at Cornell U studying Industrial Labor and Relations and business. If anything, I was raised well with great Buddhist parents and I've seen a lot shit happen around me.
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To all other members in this forum:
This is an important issue that needs more heads, advice, and suggestions than my own. Please contribute to the discussion because this is a life-changing situation, and no one wants to go off the wrong path in life.
Well, I wouldn't worry about how to break the ice with your parents just yet, though it's my own policy to be open and honest, but not blunt like a block of wood or be pretty with words. Be strong, confident, and openly profess your love and that you are prepared to face the consequences (other than death... that's one fate I hope won't happen cause stoning mad outdated).
As for me being wise, I'm flattered, but no, I'm not anymore wise than you are. I'm just a bystander calmly analyzing the situation and giving out succint counseling. It's the fact that people spill secrets to me makes me reliable on matters of the heart, in a sense, though I'm no psychiatrist or counselor, and I'm only a rising sophmore at Cornell U studying Industrial Labor and Relations and business. If anything, I was raised well with great Buddhist parents and I've seen a lot shit happen around me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
To all other members in this forum:
This is an important issue that needs more heads, advice, and suggestions than my own. Please contribute to the discussion because this is a life-changing situation, and no one wants to go off the wrong path in life.
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Kaimax
Best Master-San
About Religion:
How far is your cousins relation?
As long as it's pretty far, it can't be considered incest, and if she wasn't breastfed by your mother or any woman that you breastfed than it's still OK.
Well, the sex before marriage wasn't particularly OK, but if you marry her, then you won't gain any sin.
About Family:
If you're really ready, then tell them, they are not responsible for what you do in life if you're already an adult. You have the control to your life, not your parents (but don't try to rebel forcedly).
About society:
Some will probably despise you (remember A.A Gym), but since you're going to Japan I don't see any problem with that.
I hope this helps a bit.
How far is your cousins relation?
As long as it's pretty far, it can't be considered incest, and if she wasn't breastfed by your mother or any woman that you breastfed than it's still OK.
Well, the sex before marriage wasn't particularly OK, but if you marry her, then you won't gain any sin.
About Family:
If you're really ready, then tell them, they are not responsible for what you do in life if you're already an adult. You have the control to your life, not your parents (but don't try to rebel forcedly).
About society:
Some will probably despise you (remember A.A Gym), but since you're going to Japan I don't see any problem with that.
I hope this helps a bit.
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Kaimax gives a very valid point about family: you're an adult now, no one can really stop you, but don't act like a rebellious child, but bite the bullet and walk on from there like man with your head held high.
I completely forgot this point since I was addressing your immediate concern with your own family members: is your counsin's side of the family be okay with something like this? (I doubt it, but you never know... might not be as religious as your parents, mnx) If she's in the same situation as you are, you should tell her what I suggested to you.
Another point to make that I neglected to mention. Society? I give them the middle finger. And, you never have to tell anyone you're marrying your cousin except the marriage counselor, few select friends maybe, your parents and hers, and that's it. Can't take local pressure? Try a different part of Indonesia (saves on traveling fare, customs, diplomatic crap, language barrier, culture barrier, etc.), and if that doesn't work, Japan or U.S. They sure as hell won't care. (At least I think they won't.)
I completely forgot this point since I was addressing your immediate concern with your own family members: is your counsin's side of the family be okay with something like this? (I doubt it, but you never know... might not be as religious as your parents, mnx) If she's in the same situation as you are, you should tell her what I suggested to you.
Another point to make that I neglected to mention. Society? I give them the middle finger. And, you never have to tell anyone you're marrying your cousin except the marriage counselor, few select friends maybe, your parents and hers, and that's it. Can't take local pressure? Try a different part of Indonesia (saves on traveling fare, customs, diplomatic crap, language barrier, culture barrier, etc.), and if that doesn't work, Japan or U.S. They sure as hell won't care. (At least I think they won't.)
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as for her parents,i personally think it wouldn't be a problem.
she's a brokenhome kid growing up.her parents divorced.
her papa is a doctor who's always out,and her mama,last time i've heard about it,is married with other man.
see the connection?
my parents is too strict,while hers is too loose on her.
btw,yeah,i'm leaving indonesia and i'll apply for japanese citizenship for both of us.and i'm waiting until i graduate and having some kind of economical stability.i'll just have to convince her.
as for my parents,i'll deal with 'em later.
@kaimax
is that so?i thought i remember reading my highschool religion dictate that i can't have this kind of relationship with anyone who have the same greatparents.....maybe it's one of those nu/muhamadiyah things,huh?
i'll recheck it later.
she's a brokenhome kid growing up.her parents divorced.
her papa is a doctor who's always out,and her mama,last time i've heard about it,is married with other man.
see the connection?
my parents is too strict,while hers is too loose on her.
btw,yeah,i'm leaving indonesia and i'll apply for japanese citizenship for both of us.and i'm waiting until i graduate and having some kind of economical stability.i'll just have to convince her.
as for my parents,i'll deal with 'em later.
@kaimax
is that so?i thought i remember reading my highschool religion dictate that i can't have this kind of relationship with anyone who have the same greatparents.....maybe it's one of those nu/muhamadiyah things,huh?
i'll recheck it later.
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Marriage between first cousins is illegal in the US, but is legal in Japan. Societal rules on love in general are bizarre, ever changing, and almost always entirely culture dependant. That doesn't mean some of them don't make sense, it's just that they are often secondary to the feeling of love itself for most people. For example say you were orphened and seperated from your sister, then later fell in love and then found out. From a purely biological standpoint you would need to be very careful if you ever wanted to have children together, simply because of the much higher risk of birth defects and mental illness. Personally even in that situation I still say you should follow your heart, and do what makes you and the person you love happy, but be aware about the risks and be smart about it.
That said, even with cousins there is a higher risk, so depending on available medicine techniques and the costs involved, if you ever wanted children you might consider artificial insemination. But if you love each other, and can make each other happy, I say go for it and screw anyone else. It's not their love, it's not their body, and they have their own life to lead.
That said, even with cousins there is a higher risk, so depending on available medicine techniques and the costs involved, if you ever wanted children you might consider artificial insemination. But if you love each other, and can make each other happy, I say go for it and screw anyone else. It's not their love, it's not their body, and they have their own life to lead.
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mnx wrote...
btw,yeah,i'm leaving indonesia and i'll apply for japanese citizenship for both of us.and i'm waiting until i graduate and having some kind of economical stability.i'll just have to convince her.
I really advise against moving to Japan because we have to think about your woman and her relative lack of knowledge of Japan, it's language, and it's culture. On top of that, Japan's living standards are much, much higher than that of Indonesia, and finding a job won't be easy, or for that matter finding an apartment that's cheap and somewhat roomy. Job openings are decreasing everywhere, and you'll have a much easier time finding jobs in Indonesia itself or America.
If you must insist on staying in Japan, mnx, then go the route I suggested, graduating first, proclaim love second, establish a job career third, and if we all get out of the economic recession, you can live Japan with her.
I guess you should ask her herself if she wants to live in Japan. Just remember that Japan is very culture defined and is expensive to live in. Speaking the language and some of the etiquette should be the minimum I suppose.
...Yawn, I heading in tonight. Desert Punk anime kicks ass from the first episode I've seen. Night yall.
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dude.. i didnt knew you went that far with her...
well... just like what they said, you should do what you think is right.
also.. i dont know if it would even mean a thing to you but good luck!!
and yeah... full support for you man! hahahahaha! :D
well... just like what they said, you should do what you think is right.
also.. i dont know if it would even mean a thing to you but good luck!!
and yeah... full support for you man! hahahahaha! :D
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yessssss!!!!
i call her earlier and she agreed with my plan!
anyway @ g-money since my scholarship have a 5-year research contract in in i'll be livin' in japan for the next 8-10 years.and now that she agree with the plan to graduate>economic stability>marriage>movin to japan>deal w/ parents.
it seems that i need to acclimate her to some jap culture and encourage her to learn the language.
she is not against my plan of moving to japan.....
i cried when she said:i'm with you as long as you are happy that i'm in your side.....
call me crybaby or whatever,but how can i not cried after hearing that?
thx god.thx you all for your posts.
it seems that i'm set for another 5 years,but any suggestion etc. is much appreciated.REALLY APPRECIATED.
i call her earlier and she agreed with my plan!
anyway @ g-money since my scholarship have a 5-year research contract in in i'll be livin' in japan for the next 8-10 years.and now that she agree with the plan to graduate>economic stability>marriage>movin to japan>deal w/ parents.
it seems that i need to acclimate her to some jap culture and encourage her to learn the language.
she is not against my plan of moving to japan.....
i cried when she said:i'm with you as long as you are happy that i'm in your side.....
call me crybaby or whatever,but how can i not cried after hearing that?
thx god.thx you all for your posts.
it seems that i'm set for another 5 years,but any suggestion etc. is much appreciated.REALLY APPRECIATED.
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okami wrote...
wow.. thats nice.. allow me to be the first to congratulate you~ :Dthhx :D .man i'm a happy man right now :D :D :D :D
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Kaimax
Best Master-San
mnx wrote...
okami wrote...
wow.. thats nice.. allow me to be the first to congratulate you~ :Dthhx :D .man i'm a happy man right now :D :D :D :D
Be careful, Don't go too "Happy-go-Lucky"
and Congratulation. HOPE this works out well.
OH YEAH!
Send me a souvenir from Japan if this plan works out well. :wink: