I can punch out an angry bear.
Seriously though;
I once pulled my arm out of socket 6 times in one week.
I kick ass at football.
I've been known as Mickey D since I was 12 (which is strange, because I hate McDonald's)
I have seriously considered becoming a Lumberjack.
Throughout my football career I've had 13 concussions
I've been shot in the foot.
I once cheated on my girlfriend with her best friend. I got away with it.
I've been proposed to. I'm 19.
I still have a scar on my thumb from a freak kindergarten scissors accident.
I lost a leg in 'Nam.
I own a Springfield .22 WWII sniper rifle given to my by my father who got it from my grandfather.
I'm on a boat.
Seriously. Take a good, hard look at the motherfucking boat.
And finally;
Lemme tell ya
I see you girls checkin' out my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out the front of my trunks
I see you girls checkin' out my junk, then checkin' out my rump, then back to my sugarlumps
When I shake it, I shake it all up
You probably think that my pants have the mumps
It's just my sugarlumps bump ba bump
They look so good, that's why I keep 'em in the front
All the ladies checkin' out my sugarlumps
The drive the ladies crazy
All these bitches checkin' out my britches
Put 'em in a trance when I wear track pants
My dungarees make them hun-ga-ree
They're over the moon when I don pantaloons
My sugarlumps are two of a kind - sweet and white and highly refined
Honies try all kinds of tomfoolery to steal a feel of my family jewelry
My cannonballs cause a kerfuffle - the ladies they hustle to ruffle my truffle
If you party with the Party Prince, you get two complimentary after-dinner mints
We see you girls checkin' out our trunks
We see you girls checkin' out the front of our trunks
We see you girls checkin' out our junk, then checkin' out our rumps, then back to our sugarlumps
Chillin at my store, doin' my thing, when in walks a guy with his dick in a sling
I'm like, "Holy shit, what happened to you?
He said, "How much will you give me for the family jewels?"
I said "Ten bucks" He said "No way!"
- "Ten bucks and a Frisbee" He said "Okay"
And I took his sugarlumps and put 'em up in a display, and sold 'em as hacky sacks later that day
All the ladies they want a taste of my sugarlumps
Sweet sugarlumps yeah
All the ladies they want a taste of my sugarlumps
Sweet sugarlumps