Meeting new people

Alright, here goes.

This is something that has been bugging me for a while now. I'm really bad at talking to people, no matter what gender and what my interest in the person is. The topic came to mind when in school the other day I ran into this gorgeous girl, it was a friggin' moment I tell you.
I walk into one of the music-rooms in school to get something, I don't even remember what it was. But I was carrying on this mic-stand and as I walk through the door I manage to trip over, just rumbling in, falling with a huge crash on the floor. And when I look up there she stands; violin in hand going "Eh~?" It was soo~ cute, and my first thought was that she looked like she stepped right out of an anime scene(You know what I mean). Anyways, she helped me up and we managed to have some small talk.

When I get back to my friends I tell them what happened and how she's really cute and one of them goes: "Well, just go talk to her then" and here comes the topic on hand; I can't talk to people, not at all, if I'm not more or less forced to do it. I'm never the one who talks first, when I think about it I don't think I've been the one to make first contact with anyone, ever. So now I wonder, how does people actually break the ice and defeat that awkward zone?

(I understand this isn't just about picking up girls, and so it may not fit perfect into the love/romance/relationship forum but it's the middle of the night and I just felt like sharing, cheers.)

That always happens to me. <.<
I never start the conversation. D:

Yeah sorry I can't help you, but I have the same problem. I just can' talk to people very well. I never know what to talk about and I just draw a blank. That and I get really paranoid about what they'll think of me after I say something so I spend all my time thinking what MIGHT happen and in the end I end up doing nothing and feeling like an idiot. Just letting you know you're not the only one.

Just go up and say hi im _______ and give them a handshake, then go to the next person and say the same thing. IT IS IMPORTANT TO GO ON TO THE NEXT PERSON!!! As awkward as it may seem, its the easiest way for me to break the ice between someone i don't know. Also, this way you will have met everyone.

Edit: Also, if shes the shy type, the greeting and saying your name might not be the best way. I remember in school, where i was able to break the ice by sitting next to her and asking questions about the work, borrowing stuff, and eventually talking about random things. This might work, but lets hope god works in your favor and lets you be in the same classes as her.

Oh hey look! Replies!

@Asphodel: Yeah, I totally know that feeling, and then someone interrupts that paranoid train of thought asking something. And all you can answer is "Wha? I do... I don't really know." That situation sucks.

@DeathPlox: Woah, the problem with that is that if I'd go up to a stranger here and shake their hand, people would think I'm really weird. Maybe it's just here people are quite unsocial.
As for her; well, I'll probably not have any classes with her. I graduate this spring, and I think she's a freshman.

This isn't about picking up girls, right, because I'm clueless in that department.

Meeting new people is a bit strange. I don't think you can just go up to someone in plain sight and start talking, it doesn't work like that. For some reason, it more comfortable when there is a situation involved, in this case, your fall. I've never been the outgoing guy, but recently I've been able to talk to people out of the blue, especially to people I don't know!

What you could do is go up to her and say something like: "Hey, do you remember me, the guy that fell?". Then go on to ask her if she saw something, like lost keys or a pencil. She will most likely say "no", and then you can ask if she has class in that music room. Then you could:
A) Talk about how she got involved, when she started playing, etc.
B) Exchange info (Phone # and/or E-mail, messenger, etc) and ask if she could e-mail/call you if she does find it. Of course you will e-mail/call her to see if she has found it, and you could go from there.

If she is in another of your classes, you could talk about that class and either how you like it or hate it and ask her opinion. If she's not, you could ask what instructor she has and ask if the instructor is any good. Then you could go on to say how your instructor is good or bad. This could result into a comparison. This could then help arise the questions of "what other classes are you taking?" or "Are you involved in a club or sport?". After that, it's really up to you on what to talk about.

+1 for having the same prob as me.

Oh, nice! ^^

I think this is a problem that quite many has, since as Gism88 said, you can't just walk up to a stranger and start talking, there pretty much has to be some kind of situation involved. And the chances are usually that you know most of the people already.
I will again state that this wasn't about picking up girls, the story was just an example for my incompetence in the field of socializing with strangers.

@ Gism88: But wouldn't just walking up to someone and go "Hey? Remember me? *smile*" be a little to head on? I think it would, at least if you haven't spoken much.
But I see where you're going from that, and that's pretty much how it goes when you've finally started talking. But it's the "starting to talk" part that¨'s bugging me. I just can't. I can neither figure out what to say, or muster up the courage to go say it.

And as I said in the first post, this really isn't about me trying to pick up that girl. This is in every situation, be it some random guy in your new class that seems to be cool, or that beautiful lady by the bar. I can't talk to any of them. ;/

I am generally quite okay with talking to strangers but there is always the thought of being polite like not harassing the poor girl lol.

I think my problem with people is that people then to forget me or consider insignificant.

One case was during secondary school.I been with this class for 2 years and I thought was rather close(went through hell and flames together).

Then one day on msn they were talking about some bbq they had yesterday.I asked what bbq.They went OH SHIT,we forgot to tell you...- -;;.This sort of thing happened more frequently from then on till the point i decided screw you people.

Oh sorry if its getting out of topic lol,just ranting.

ugh, shin said just the thing i wanna say...

lol, but for me, when my whim kicks in, anything goes.

I always start the conversations...

To bad they end 5 seconds later.

From what I read in your post, I understand you are very likely an introverted character. If you want to have a bigger chance of girls/people liking you, you have to start being more initiative.

Your inability to talk to most people is probably caused by either shyness, fear of refusal or the comfort that you have your own group of friends and dont need any more. One of the best solutions to overcome these reasons, is to try and stop caring about people's opinion about you, and just be yourself. Some people will still reject you (it's natural, some people are just incompatible with others), and in this case you just have to think "oh well, no harm done, find some1 else".

Remember, some people don't talk to you, because they might have the same problem as you do, so even if they initially don't comunicate with you, they will eventually because YOU will give them the impulse to come out of their shell by being more natural, talkative and initiative. Isnt that how you made friends with the people who'd say "Hi!" to you first?

You make a lot of sense umnut.
I guess I am quite shy and introvert, and I understand that this is something that I will have to overcome, or at least would benefit greatly from if i could overcome it. But then the unavoidable question; How does one get rid of shyness?
I don't really make an huge issue about how people think of me, that's their problem, and i'm not gonna change that easily. But still I don't want to put people of or scare them away by being awkward you know?
Yay for being contradictorily.

My advice is to give up. Relationships don't seem like that big a deal to me though so my suggestion is biased.

This might seem like a clusterfuck of half-sentences, so please bear with me.

I'm not implying anything, but have you ever considered undergoing therapy?
Having someone to talk to relieves some of the stress, makes that horrible paranoia feeling decline and lessens mistrust towards other people. Should you choose to do it, make sure to select appropriately the doctor or phychologist, there are plenty of bad ones.

Now, the therapist(a good one) won't judge what it's being told to him/her, seeing there are other people with the same problem, myself included, he/she probably "treated" someone else before and knows how to procced.(Being paid also helps one not to judge). This could be a way to get rid of the shyness: obligation to talk to someone; it shows they won't bite. Knowing isn't enough, demonstration is necessary.

I can say this through personal experience; after a certain point, I decided to see a therapist and I got better... to an extent (I also have other coping mechanisms but that's too much about myself). It is certainly not easy to open up at first, so try talking about the mundane first, but don't follow me on this one because I hate small-talk. (And you'll feel much better after the session, trust me).

Maybe I have misunderstood your problem, I don't know. Hope I could help.
Also, everyone does therapy these days. :P

Well, there isnt a WAY to get rid of shyness. Some people are more shy, others are less (everybody has their own inhibitions). And people who don't care about others' opinion regarding themselves, are just less comunicative and don't care about it. You have confirmed you are a shy person, and even more so that you WANT to talk to people but can't. So I think you are in fact a bit afraid of refusal, and tend to get more or less upset when someone doesnt approve of you.

In my opinion, being shy is not a bad thing, as many great people were (and are) shy... take for instance Tim Burton (1st example that popped in mind). It just makes it harder to socialize, which is, in today's world, not such a good thing.

However, you can become less shy by doing some small exercises... just go outside, by yourself and engage small conversations with strangers. Like, for ex, if you see someone walking their dog say something like:"Hey, thats a cute dog ya got there, what race is it?"... bla bla bla, just say mondane stuff, and end a conversation with something like:"it was nice talkin' to ya, bye". And find the next person and repeat. This is actually a very good exercise to build up your self-confidence, and self confident people are generally more likable.

If you want more advice on the matter, just PM me with any questions you might have, and I'll help as much as I can.

OH and btw, you aren't gonna be awkward to people if you know when and how to initiate a conversation, and most importantly if you do it naturally. Just don't go in the extreme and talk to everyone, ignoring how busy they might be, or in what mood they are.



I beg to differ, as being in a relationship in which both partners love each other, is one of the best feelings we humans can experience.

I miss that feeling... >.

Next time you see her just ask her about herself, you get to find out more about her and you'll also break the ice by not knowing what to talk about - just have her talk.

Ask her how long she's played violin for starters ;p

hmmm, I'm the type of person that will talk endlessly near my friends. As for talking to new people, I'm the type of person who will kinda "observe' them for a while until I know that they share a common interest that I can start a conversation about. That's pretty much how I made all my friends...

As for you, I'm guessing you both have an interest for music so you could bring that topic up. It may feel awkward at the beginning but if you keep pushing you have a chance of finding something that will really get her interested