Meeting new people

@HeroDuke: Yeah, I have thought of tha, but don't really know how to break the ice to my folks about it, neither can I really afford it. I have been to the school-therapist a few times but it hasn't really helped. I feel that she fails to see my problem, and it doesn't really give anything, but I guess trying out going to a real therapist could have a better result.

@umnut: Well, of course I'm somewhat afraid of refusal, everyone is probably more or less afraid of that, since most people actually want to be liked right?
Anyways, i guess I'll try to do these things and see how it goes... Wish me luck. >_<''
As for know when to initiate in conversation; that's quite one of the problems. Sometimes it's hard to know whatever mood people are in, or if they are busy or w/e. And one don't really want to be a bother right?
Well, thanks for the help man. + rep for being so helpful and understanding.

Yeah, figuring out in what mood people are, is usually kinda hard, especially if they don't let it show. But just initiate the conversation, regardless, and you'll see for yourself if they want or dont want to talk to you. If they do, continue, if they dont or give hints that they dont, just end it politely and say that you're sorry to have bothered, and try another time.

As for the girl, just go and talk to her, and start with music (as many other users said), since you are both interested in it. You will have absolutely nothing to lose, in fact you might just discover some interesting things about her, and maybe win her over (in time, of course). If she's in a bad mood you might try to cheer her up, and if it doesnt work, just try later. If she still won't want to talk to you after a few tries, dont worry there are plenty of girls around. :D

But I think she does like you, even if just a little, if she helped you get up when you fell. She just might be waiting for you to talk to her. Walk her home (or for how long you have a common distance to pass), and be natural :D... go for it :)


Oh and thanks for the rep ^_^

I remember I had mistaken a girl for this one ive seen before (I truely wasnt hitting on her). I kept asking her is she was the girl I remember and she kept denying it. I eventually found out that girl had a locker next to me and her friends were also my friends. We would talk every so often and eventually that odd barrier surrounding people I didnt know broke between us. Yah she moved though, so I never realized I liked her until after she left.

If you dont have courage, find some way to relate to her. If she is alone or something walk past her and "notice" that she holds something you can relate to. May seem cheesy or whatever, but it helps break the ice. Once you can both recognize each other in the halls or something, then you will be able to talk more freely.

I have no sense of awkwardness so I do whatever. I love to compliment random girls and that tends to get me into conversations. Anime was actually my ticket with one girl I dated.

I think this is the best solution, I don't have many friends because I hate being the one to start a conversation but this method had worked well in some classes. However, I felt that there were many times that trying to approach to groups of friends are rather difficult to impossible. They're just like what you said; comfortable with their own group and probably the hardest to befriend with because they all act like a group with different expectations in people. I want to ask 2 questions relating to the topic:
1. How do would you approach a group?
2. How is it possible to find a good conversation starter?

I think this is a problem most of us have so I feel the need to ask.

Woah, wasn't this thread dead?

Ah well, I have actually put some of the tips I got in this thread to life, and a few worked, a few didn't. Still haven't worked up the guts to go talk to the girl I mentioned in the opening... but still... This have worked wonders on my confidence.

While I still have a problem with moving up to total strangers and engage in conversation but I did try Umnut's example about asking people about their dogs and this have worked wonders (A good thing is probably that I have a dog myself, so we have something to talk about). I have managed to befriend some friends of my friends. (Being drunk really helped me out here though.. xD) So all is good and well, got on with a girl, but sadly it didn't really work out as she wasn't looking for any relationship since she moves to Prague this summer. ._. and I have worked up the courage to apply for jobs not only through mail and internet, but also going around from place to place and ask in person. I got shot down at most places, but a few places hooked! *Overjoyed* And also this has actually helped against my fear of rejection.

So I thank everyone for the tips! And my tip for those with the same problem is to get the thumb out of their asses and try... The hard and only way to learn to do this crap. >_<



For me, I still don't engage groups, this I feel is really really scary and it feels like I'm more of an intrusion, at least if they're not the one to engage me.
But a good conversation starter... I don't know really. Since I still have problems with engaging total strangers, but for those that I've had common friends with I usually talk about the friend, something we did or things like that just to break the ice.

(Sorry for the bad english at times, I can't think today.)

Yeah. Going up to groups of people and being like "hey let's be friends yo" or "hey what's up" [or things along those lines] will get you nothing but odd looks. I've done that just to talk to a girl though. Didn't work out super hot. Her friends just kinda laughed [I still got her number]. But if you are going to engage a group, look for an entry point.

Five of my friends and I were sitting at a table in the cafe at school and we were trying to troubleshoot my friend's laptop [his sister threw a raw potato at it and turns out the hard drive is broken]. This guy came up to us and was like "mind if I try?" he didn't do anything more than what we already could, but we talked for a good hour and a half.

If you show interest outright, you might risk coming on too strongly, but as long as you don't slobber or come up to her everyday, you'll do well. See it as a work in progress. Get to know her one day each week. She'll start to feel comfortable if she really likes you.

I have similar problems. Im afraid meet and talk to people. I was diagnosed to have a social phobia. It`s realy annoying, talking with new people can cause a panic attack and the feeling for being nervous is just horrible. I Would like to meet new people. I like talking but i just found it realy hard to do so. I hope you can do that!

yeah I have similar shit, my problem is i have no idea where to go to meet new people
my job being 100% solitary

I think that is my biggest problem too - work. I don't work alone, but all of the females are all old hags. There were a couple of cute girls my age at one time, but one had a boyfriend and the other, well, I got involved with but she had a boyfriend too and it didn't end well, lol.

When I was in college, my big problem with many girls was that they smoked. That disgusts me. I've met some great girls that I probably would have asked out, but once we'd walk outside after class, she'd light up and I'd be like "peace!"

Well. Maby the biggets problem is that im studying in the university and i have to talk there, including women of my age. Well that is realy hard and most of the time i im very nervous. Maby the funniest thing is that people actually think that im a open and cheerful person. Well, they don`t know what is going inside of me. Now i have to lecture a seminar. I hope im alive when the lecture ends...

Woah. I'm actually surprised by how many that feels the same way as I do. And for these later replies, this has grown into one of my fears; What will I do when I graduate? My social life will collapse, since I'm under no illusion that I will keep in touch with everyone from school, and they're my only link to meeting new people right now. I guess it will have to be work, when I get one that is. But then I'll be back to square one and will probably be to much of a sissy to start talking to people again. Having no one that I knows around creeps me out.

All of this really depends on what it is you want. Starting with the question, "who am I?" looking into yourself...

You have an amazing volume of conversation stored in your own head. What you think about, ideas you have, funny thoughts, naughty thoughts.. the list goes on and on. The key to connecting with others lays in letting them in to your world.

The thing most people struggle with is the story they create in their own head. ....often before the event even happens. You let your imagination convince you that something uncomfortable or embarrassing is going to happen and so you should avoid the possibility altogether. ... ego.... your ego is working on some level to keep you in stasis.. Break the cycle, change the habit.

Hi, I'm mooki. I don't know your name, but for some reason my brain has me thinking it would be fun to get to know you, spend time together, talk about stuff.. I try to tell myself I am a shy person. Can you tell?

i've pretty much accepted my failings in social life and don't mind being alone
the no sex thing bothers me (no girl in their right mind would sleep with me, various reasons) but it could be worse I guess