Great to see the next chapter and looking forward to the next. Unfortunately for you I spotted a lot of errors this time.
DatYuriThough wrote...
Danni stood up on stage in a dress befitted for only the most exotic of Princess’ from the greatest of tales, the type of dress that every young girl aspired to own. It was tinted the most softest of blue with a white lining and sleeve of it.
"Princess'" shouldn't have an apostrophe, it should be "princesses." Also, "sleeve of it." Should that be "sleeve off it?"
DatYuriThough wrote...
“I don’t give a shit!” she put bluntly, causing the Danni to jerk at the
cream
Scream, I believe you meant.
DatYuriThough wrote...
She picked out her phone to see †˜Receiving call from: Home’ on the screen of her
IPhone
I believe it should be spelled as "iPhone" since that it the appropriate trademarked title that the company has settled on. Not a big error, but so you know.
DatYuriThough wrote...
It was Charles, the servant of Danni’s house, unmistakeable.
It's spelled "unmistakable," though it should probably be "unmistakably" in that instance.
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Yes” she said weakly “I understand.
Comma after "Yes" to signify a break in the quotation.
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Hey cutie” She greeted with a chuckle and wink before pecking Danni on the cheek. “I think you did really well today”
Comma after "Hey." Period needed at the end of the sentence.
DatYuriThough wrote...
“The most stuck up, judgemental and egocentric woman in the world is staying in my house for the week. The woman who likes to break people’s confidence in themselves for fun” Danni said her voice a mixture of frustration and sorrow.
It's spelled judgmental, so drop the 'e.' A comma is needed at the end of the quotation. Also, probably a comma after "Danni said."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Do your parents’ know yet?” Chloe enquired calmly but Danni only continued to timidly run her finger up and down Chloe’s arm “Right, one conversation at a time” Chloe could tell this was a topic Danni wasn’t confident in bringing up and decided to move that conversation down the list of things to worry about, right now all that mattered was trying to comfort her Danni.
The word "parents" does not need an apostrophe at the end. Enquired is spelled with an 'i,' so it's inquired. A period should be after "arm." The comma after "about" is a comma splice so it should just be a period and consequently the 'r' in "right" should be capitalized.
DatYuriThough wrote...
“I’ll see you Monday. Do me and yourself proud my love”
A comma is needed after "proud" and at the end of that quotation after "love."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“You’ve been pretty quiet Danielle”
Commas are needed both after "quiet" and also "Danielle."
DatYuriThough wrote...
Danni wasn’t too picky, either power would be quite useful for dismantling her aunt. As morbid of a thought as that was Danni thought it would be a just punishment for a women like her aunt.
The comma after "picky" is a comma splice and should be a semicolon since it's separating two complete sentences. A comma is needed after "was." Also, "women" should be "woman."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Respect young lady!” Karim demanded and Danni flinched in fear “No matter what you feel she’s still your family and elder”
A missing comma after "Respect" and "fear," lowercase "No" because it's the second quotation in the same sentence, also the end of the sentence needs a period.
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Yes Father…” Danni said dryly and earned herself a glare until the traffic started up again and Karim relented.
Comma after "Yes."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“It’s only for a week. Then you won’t see her for a long while I’m sure”
Commas needed after "while" and "sure."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“More than you know. Growing up with her was a pure Hell. I’m not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but every night before we went to bed I would pray to Allah to take her away or through her into a flaming volcano” That brought a small chuckle from Danni “Your grandfather told me how that was against some kind of tenant to wish death upon your own flesh and blood so easily so I got grounded for it” a slight twitch manifested above Karim’s eye.
Commas needed after "volcano," "Danni," and "grounded for it."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“Just how life is sometimes. The good get punished and the wicked continue being wicked”
Comma needed after "wicked."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“The 27th” Danni said with a calm confidence she had never known before.
Comma needed after "27th."
DatYuriThough wrote...
“I’ll put it in my diary” Karim nodded.
Comma needed after "diary." By the way, this is looking almost consistent. Is this allowed in the Queen's English or something? I was unaware.
DatYuriThough wrote...
And then they pulled up to the driveway of their home, with a different car parked outside of their house. However, it was all too familiar who it belonged to: Cinder Ulistani, Danni’s aunt.
I would not begin this sentence with "And" and even "then" after is not necessary at all.