Echo's Estate

nope

Any new games echo?

been playing a lot of Elsword if you know that one

Yeah I know of that.

Its fun

hmmm.... how to finish the story?

For those that maybe interested. I have finished the first draft of my short story that I will be submitting. It is a first draft and so it is possible many edits and revisions will happen. I would appreciate any constructive feedback and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Finally back online. A bit late to read now, but I will definitely check it out.

I haven't submitted it yet so its not late

Meant late in the sense that it was nearly 11pm and I have to head to class at 6:30 in the morning.

EDIT: Okay, just read. Hmm... Not bad.

"Not Bad" isn't anywhere near the level of feedback I was hoping for

Alrighty. Do I have permission to say what's on my mind?

You do, although I can't say I will agree with your thoughts.

Perfect! Time to softly rip it a new asshole! Rawr!

So, I don't really see what's wrong with it. In general, I have the same complaints as I always do with your work. You switch from past to present tense which creates inconsistencies and your grammar and spelling need work. Other than that, the story itself is fine. I don't quite understand the premise since the recollection that starts the event seems to toss me right at the middle of the story, but I don't see that as much of a problem and rather more of a personal preference. I like more concise stories with beginnings, middles, and endings, is all. How this one starts seems to forgo the beginning and go directly into the middle and ending. Don't confuse me not quite getting the premise with not getting the plot, however. I enjoyed the level of discipline and abstinence the main character had despite this unearthly woman in front of him.

This is a step up from everything you've written and I've read so far. Your writing's gotten a lot more polished, but still isn't quite perfect. Keep working at it and you'll be solid in no time.

Also, what is this for, Echs? Where are you submitting it to?

Just so you know, another english major, friend of mine is going to read it as well as Im trying to get one of the professor's to read it. Im DYING to know if they say anything about "You switch from past to present tense which creates inconsistencies". This story in particular is told in two tenses anyway because the story itself is past and the teller is telling it in the present. So I kind of think your complaint is BS.

also about the story seeming to be confusing, you haven't actually had much college level reading have you? ALL of it is confusing. This is for two reasons mainly, One is that it may have been written long ago before our current version of english and is therefor difficult to understand. And second and much more important is giving it the ability for analysis. If I write the sentence "The sky is blue." then that's it, thats all there is too it, im just stating a fact. However, if I write something like "The sky shimmered in a particular hue that was almost akin to azure" This could surely be taken to be saying the exact same thing but there is much more room for discussion. Mystery is what gives works of literature fuel for debate. If I was completely clear and terse about my story it would look like this.

Two young adults living in a magical world decided one boring day to summon a succubus. It was surely just going to be a fun time and nothing would go wrong. Only the creature that showed up was far beyond their expectations and soon the two were in grave danger. One of them manages to understand the danger and escapes leaving the other behind to his fate.

I want you to be completely honest, is that more enjoyable to read? Is cutting out all avenues of interpretation and mystery what you consider to be good writing? If so then I really don't think you are qualified to give advice in the superior tone that you seem accustomed to giving it in.

Also, what part "university literary journal" wasn't clear? I posted that at the start of all this.

You know, I always find it funny how condescending and defensive you can get, lol. Honestly, you just gotta relax, man. I was just sharing my opinion, so no need to be so uppity. You told me I could say what I wanted to say and I did. Was that really so bad that you had to retort the way you did?

Anyway, um... You misunderstood what I meant by confusing, lol. I got the story fine, as I said. It wasn't hard to grasp in any sense of the word. My confusion comes simply from my preference as I stated. I prefer stories that I personally find more cohesive. It wasn't a stab at you or anything, just me stating my opinion. Also, it is a literary technique to not overemphasize. Describing something like the sky as blue is completely fine since it is common knowledge. Making it profound won't make a difference. Not everything needs to be written poetically. At the end of the day, I said it was good and that should be the first thing you should be proud of.

I've never once tried to speak about your work in a negative light, it's one of the things I learned in the writing forums and in college. You just keep taking it negatively when all it is is an opinion. My opinion. Something that you can disregard.

Finally, please don't insult my intelligence. It's not very nice, haha.

You should be happy, I remember you now. And I remember I stopped talking to you because of your superior high horse sounding attitude when you had nothing to warrant it.

I hate people that think they are better then others

Oi, seriously... Calm down. Remember how we traded stories and you ripped mine apart as well? I can quote all the things you disliked about my story to this day with how vocal you were. Even so, I didn't get upset at you once. I took your opinion and that was it. I'm just asking for you to do the same. I don't know why you take what I say with such hostility when that's not my intention and you have the option not to. C'mon, Echs... you see it, don't you? You're being a bit hypocritical...

I have no problem trading criticisms with others. What I dont like is superior attitudes. While that may not be your intention, to me you sound like you are looking down on me.

Echs, I've told you many times that I'm a blunt person. Many times! I say what's on my mind and it pisses people off! I never mean to do it, it just happens. I told you this multiple times throughout Skype so that you'd be ready for it, lol. I want you to know that I don't look down on you. Think about it, would I bother even speaking to you if I found you my inferior?