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high_time
12 years ago
Can't think of a better title atm lol, and I think that story induces more WTF rather than nice and sweet xD

Ok Imma change it a bit then....done
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Cinia Pacifica Ojou-sama Writer
12 years ago
Then it's misleading. ._.
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high_time
12 years ago
Yes, it kinda does xD

This review might contain 'SPOILERS'

Spoiler:
The whole story was meant to be fun and somewhat misleading lol, it partly contains lulz and somewhat trollish content
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Cinia Pacifica Ojou-sama Writer
12 years ago
I won't be reading it for a while. ._.

Probably due to my laziness. xD
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high_time
12 years ago
Well just take your time and rest easy~
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Cinia Pacifica Ojou-sama Writer
12 years ago
Lol. The writing forum was so rowdy about Valentines the last year.
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high_time
12 years ago
Yup, pretty ironic when you compare it to last years'
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genralgrey
12 years ago
high_time wrote...
Yup, pretty ironic when you compare it to last years'



That's... depressing.
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high_time
12 years ago
genralgrey wrote...
That's... depressing.


Doesn't really matter to me though, I'll keep writing stories no matter it's lively or dead. Though I prefer things to be quiet for now~

===

Also, le bump
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genralgrey
12 years ago
T******* goodness!
Spoiler:
Between the two of us, I knew that I was the only one with valid prospects for an ideal future. He was nothing but an idealist, naïve and optimistic and stupidly happy about everything he had, appreciative of all the little things that made life… his life, that is, the life that he knew and cherished. I say this with veneration, but why?

I admired him, as one might guess. I didn’t deny it, certainly not, but I may have not shown it until someone called me on it. But what would be the point in such a thing? When it happened there was no judging, there were no taunts for this liking that I had so feared for some time; there was understanding, and with that understanding came frustration. I admired someone lower than myself and I daresay I envy him even now, if only for the sheer fact that ignorance is bliss, and he was, and would always be, blissfully oblivious of the big things in front of him, because he so appreciated the little things.

That I respected him so still remained on the proverbial table, like those flowers he always liked – the ones his mother decorated the table with when we were nothing but children. Had I known… had I known early on why he so frequently stared at that table for more than one reason I would have laughed hysterically and would have not known the reason why. I hadn’t truly known the sensation in my belly at all, and each attempt at understanding it left me with befuddlement and anger that was calmed as easily as it was started by being in his presence. Surely such an act would have broken him from his reverie to look at me in wonder; perhaps I could have seen a reflection of myself then? I proudly admit that I often stared for what I believed to be no reason at all, all the while feeling my stomach rise and flutter and my head feel light and my spirits soar, just to see his enjoyment and pleasure in eating a simple meal made by myself. I rarely noticed myself thanks to him.
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high_time
12 years ago
genralgrey wrote...
T******* goodness!
Spoiler:
Between the two of us, I knew that I was the only one with valid prospects for an ideal future. He was nothing but an idealist, naïve and optimistic and stupidly happy about everything he had, appreciative of all the little things that made life… his life, that is, the life that he knew and cherished. I say this with veneration, but why?

I admired him, as one might guess. I didn’t deny it, certainly not, but I may have not shown it until someone called me on it. But what would be the point in such a thing? When it happened there was no judging, there were no taunts for this liking that I had so feared for some time; there was understanding, and with that understanding came frustration. I admired someone lower than myself and I daresay I envy him even now, if only for the sheer fact that ignorance is bliss, and he was, and would always be, blissfully oblivious of the big things in front of him, because he so appreciated the little things.

That I respected him so still remained on the proverbial table, like those flowers he always liked – the ones his mother decorated the table with when we were nothing but children. Had I known… had I known early on why he so frequently stared at that table for more than one reason I would have laughed hysterically and would have not known the reason why. I hadn’t truly known the sensation in my belly at all, and each attempt at understanding it left me with befuddlement and anger that was calmed as easily as it was started by being in his presence. Surely such an act would have broken him from his reverie to look at me in wonder; perhaps I could have seen a reflection of myself then? I proudly admit that I often stared for what I believed to be no reason at all, all the while feeling my stomach rise and flutter and my head feel light and my spirits soar, just to see his enjoyment and pleasure in eating a simple meal made by myself. I rarely noticed myself thanks to him.


Hmm...I don't really know because English is not my native language, but firstly there's some sentences that feels a bit broken, reducing the overall flow of the text. But I could digest some of it...I guess.

The below adjustments are just my preference but here it goes

Firstly, I think it's better not to overuse 'and' in one sentence when you describe multitude of adjective, I myself prefer to separate things in comma, using the 'and' at the last adjective described.

About this one 'there were no taunts for this liking that I had so feared for some time' I think it sounds better when you change it to 'there were no taunts for this liking that I had really feared for some time', just my preference because 'so' and 'some' in one sentence sounds a bit monotonous, and pairing up with really makes it tad colorful

And about this part 'I admired someone lower than myself and I daresay I envy him even now, if only for the sheer fact that ignorance is bliss, and he was, and would always be, blissfully oblivious of the big things in front of him, because he so appreciated the little things.' makes me a bit confused to comprehend it. Nevertheless, I came up with conclusion that the narrator envied him because of his carefree trait that never changes.

And the part 'That I respected him so still remained on the proverbial table' still lacks a certain participle to make it click. How about changing it to 'The fact that I respected him still remained on the proverbial table' ?

Overall the last chunk of text after the part 'That I respected him so still remained on the proverbial table' makes me feel confused the most, in this quite hard-to-digest piece. But for what I can get so far, it's about some tsundere girl who falls in love with a baka boy if you put it simply~

Pretty well written overall, if you try polishing it a bit, it has potential to be a nice prologue for a novel.

Keep on writing! =)
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Find_Vega
12 years ago
^.^ its nice to know that this place is blooming, even after all the time i've been gone. I may have been busy, but my creativity has not diminished just yet.

Though it is just an Idea, I wanted to run this through to anyone interested in reading. ;3 Its a visual novel idea me and my friend planned on making sometimes for gags. Something not actually depressing and I hope we finish it.

Spoiler:
Story is about a young boy, named Tatsuya Gene (as dictated by English Standards) who lives his life as normal as possible. Thing is, he's a bastard child of a mad scientist and a dragon queen from another dimension (called La'Atzu).

When Tatsuya recieves a confession from his classmates, his mother receives word and disapproves, sending six potential brides, each a powerful noblewoman from their respected nations, to claim him as his own. Chaos ensues as he must juggle seven women at a time and decide who he wants to spend his life with.


I have more things i'm working on, but so far I've been focused on this idea. Just something out of the ordinary from my usual conflict ridden entries. Its an idea after all so I freely like responses on this .-. I'm open to improvements.
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high_time
12 years ago
Find_Vega wrote...
^.^ its nice to know that this place is blooming, even after all the time i've been gone. I may have been busy, but my creativity has not diminished just yet.

Though it is just an Idea, I wanted to run this through to anyone interested in reading. ;3 Its a visual novel idea me and my friend planned on making sometimes for gags. Something not actually depressing and I hope we finish it.

Spoiler:
Story is about a young boy, named Tatsuya Gene (as dictated by English Standards) who lives his life as normal as possible. Thing is, he's a bastard child of a mad scientist and a dragon queen from another dimension (called La'Atzu).

When Tatsuya recieves a confession from his classmates, his mother receives word and disapproves, sending six potential brides, each a powerful noblewoman from their respected nations, to claim him as his own. Chaos ensues as he must juggle seven women at a time and decide who he wants to spend his life with.


I have more things i'm working on, but so far I've been focused on this idea. Just something out of the ordinary from my usual conflict ridden entries. Its an idea after all so I freely like responses on this .-. I'm open to improvements.


I smell something that's full of parody like 'My Girlfriend is A President', and probably something that has a 'True Route' in it too. I guess the main issue is how to add lotsa comedy to it eh?

Btw is it going to be an Eroge, or just pure VN?
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Find_Vega
12 years ago
high_time wrote...
I smell something that's full of parody like 'My Girlfriend is A President', and probably something that has a 'True Route' in it too. I guess the main issue is how to add lotsa comedy to it eh?

Btw is it going to be an Eroge, or just pure VN?


I have no idea if it will be eroge of pure VN. It might vary in between for now. I won't say exactly since we don't have more. Knowing us, it'd be Eroge

And I want this to be as hilarious as possible with a touch of serious edged story involved. Me and my friend have the prologue set in stone though, how the protagonists father discovered and spent two years in the "Other World" and comes back with an egg.
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high_time
12 years ago
Find_Vega wrote...
I have no idea if it will be eroge of pure VN. It might vary in between for now. I won't say exactly since we don't have more. Knowing us, it'd be Eroge

And I want this to be as hilarious as possible with a touch of serious edged story involved. Me and my friend have the prologue set in stone though, how the protagonists father discovered and spent two years in the "Other World" and comes back with an egg.


Oh I see, best of luck on it! =D

Feel free to give us the updates about it here anytime you want =)
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Find_Vega
12 years ago
high_time wrote...


Oh I see, best of luck on it! =D

Feel free to give us the updates about it here anytime you want =)


Will do. I'll get on every now and then to post other stuff too, but it feels amazing to just be back
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high_time
12 years ago
Are you a writer? Visit [Fakku Writers' Lounge] a nice place for writers to hang out!


So yeah I just made this advertisement slogan to put on my sig, what do you guys think? Feel free to let me know if you have any suggestions~
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genralgrey
12 years ago
Gah, I actually clicked the link.
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high_time
12 years ago
Yeah I actually made that one to advertise about this thread lol =)

So how's it, do you have any suggestions about some changes?

===

Well I take it as a none then, for now
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Find_Vega
12 years ago
I rather like the advertisement. It's short and to the point. Excellent :3
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