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FAKKU Writers' Lounge

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Xenon FAKKU Writer
9 years ago
xninebreaker wrote...
Excellent. Now I have a reason to bug you a whole ton wahahaha


Well thank goodness we're Steam friends and have instant communication then.
1
crazr
9 years ago
Nyahahaha! I wrote a new chapter! I'm really happy with how this one turned out! Hopefully I can edit it and update it soon!
0
NotSoKaito
9 years ago
crazr wrote...
So... when will we see this lovely tale unfold?


I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible


What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create (in which that particular lore entry plays at least a noticeable part). I'll probably start it next week, my schedule's pretty much filled up for now (going out, movie marathon, nephew's birthday, etc.).
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d
9 years ago
crazr wrote...
Nyahahaha! I wrote a new chapter! I'm really happy with how this one turned out! Hopefully I can edit it and update it soon!


What's the story about? Maybe I'll check it out later.

EDIT

NotSoKaito wrote...
What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create


That's a pretty good way to a get a feel for things before you start writing the actual story. You could do the same thing with characters. Write a short little scene or story about them to get a better idea of their personality, motives, etc.

Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

It's good


I don't want to discourage you, but don't be too hard yourself if it's not good. Specifically, avoid the trap I fell into. Don't get stuck writing the first several chapters over and over again until they're perfect.
0
crazr
9 years ago
NotSoKaito wrote...

I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible


What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create (in which that particular lore entry plays at least a noticeable part). I'll probably start it next week, my schedule's pretty much filled up for now (going out, movie marathon, nephew's birthday, etc.).


Whatever gets your writing juices flowing as i always say.

d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
crazr wrote...
Nyahahaha! I wrote a new chapter! I'm really happy with how this one turned out! Hopefully I can edit it and update it soon!


What's the story about? Maybe I'll check it out later.


It's the lengthy story on the Writing section called "A Young Man's Summer." The link is actually on my signature. Anyway, I'm not too sure you'd like it d, it's not quite your style of writing. Leonard put it the best way. It kind of comes off like a visual novel.
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d
9 years ago
crazr wrote...
It's the lengthy story on the Writing section called "A Young Man's Summer." The link is actually on my signature. Anyway, I'm not too sure you'd like it d, it's not quite your style of writing. Leonard put it the best way. It kind of comes off like a visual novel.


Oh, that story. Yeah. Sadly, you're right. I read the first chapter a while ago. It's not really my thing. Although, I see you have link to another story in your sig. What's that one about?
0
crazr
9 years ago
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...

Oh, that story. Yeah. Sadly, you're right. I read the first chapter a while ago. It's not really my thing. Although, I see you have link to another story in your sig. What's that one about?


That one's currently on hold. It's an adventure story loosely based off of a character and campaign my friends and I invented for Dungeons and Dragons. It's actually a collaborated work between two other friends, they just had me write it.
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d
9 years ago
crazr wrote...
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...

Oh, that story. Yeah. Sadly, you're right. I read the first chapter a while ago. It's not really my thing. Although, I see you have link to another story in your sig. What's that one about?


That one's currently on hold. It's an adventure story loosely based off of a character and campaign my friends and I invented for Dungeons and Dragons. It's actually a collaborated work between two other friends, they just had me write it.


I got that from the topic. What's the story about?
0
crazr
9 years ago
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
crazr wrote...
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...

Oh, that story. Yeah. Sadly, you're right. I read the first chapter a while ago. It's not really my thing. Although, I see you have link to another story in your sig. What's that one about?


That one's currently on hold. It's an adventure story loosely based off of a character and campaign my friends and I invented for Dungeons and Dragons. It's actually a collaborated work between two other friends, they just had me write it.


I got that from the topic. What's the story about?


Oh, well as of right now, the story follows the protagonist Lyndis as she is sent on a quest to search for a man regarding a shady situation in her village. She finds the man in the first chapter and the first book focuses on their adventures of returning back to her village.
0
xninebreaker FAKKU Writer
9 years ago
NotSoKaito wrote...
crazr wrote...
So... when will we see this lovely tale unfold?


I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible



I know that feel man. Good luck on your work, I'll be looking forward to it when it kicks off.
0
mibuchiha Fakku Elder
9 years ago
NotSoKaito wrote...
  • I actually finish it


Give it a decade or so.

Talking from experience.
1
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
NotSoKaito wrote...
crazr wrote...
So... when will we see this lovely tale unfold?


I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible


What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create (in which that particular lore entry plays at least a noticeable part). I'll probably start it next week, my schedule's pretty much filled up for now (going out, movie marathon, nephew's birthday, etc.).


Personally, I don't think any first attempt would be good. Best come up with a draft and ask other people to read it. If the draft manages to get the reaction you wanted or at least generate interest, chances it is good enough to be turned into a story.

Asking other people to read your drafts might pose another problem. Different people have different tastes in reading and they might give you feedback that contradicts each other. If you ask me how you ought to begin your story, I will say that giving proper exposition and making sense of your alien universe takes priority. However if you ask other people, they would encourage you not to delve so much into exposition.


RockyRocketLauncher wrote...
Spoiler:
Update on the idea I'm working on? I'm not sure about the clock counting down bit, I came up with the idea so the audience can get a glimpse of how he over-exaggerates things but I'm not sure if this idea would completely execute the aspect.
I'm also working on a screenplay as well which is about an artist/co-creator of a hentai website (massively influenced by FAKKU btw.) Bauer finds himself at major crossroads about his job, his future, his philosophies and he encounters a mysterious account who gives him 'save files;' these save files give Bauer (the main character in my screenplay) the chance to go back in time or create a checkpoint, resulting in the desire for Bauer to try and make a perfect for himself and everyone he holds dear to. (just trying to write a lot now since I'm taking a course on Creative Writing/ English Literature in September.)


Tuesday 31st March 3X15





'Wow', I sighed, with a sigh of relief along with a hint of frustration. the pendulum on my antique Victorian clock swinging back and forth and back and forth, simultaneously with the “click” of the left hand reminding that all of this is real and ongoing. Me, breathing the same air that you breathe and desperately trying to rid myself of that luxury, my room subtly unveiling a soft peachy to lavender gradient, ironically contrasting against the atmosphere, all of my gadgets, comics, misc, stuff that will bring shame if found (this diary being a major sector) obviously and clearly looking down on me while in a plethora of dust, as if I'm an illiterate, mead-dependent peasant at the knees of a prestigious and respected knight, looking at gravity take its role on his/her (some knights were women, right?) beautifully crafted longsword and descend rapidly on me.

I slouch on my gamer chair, turn 90 degrees to the floor where I just attempted to take my life with an IKEA plastic bag. I actually question my motives during my failed suicide attempts 'Why am I doing this?', 'Am I just doing this for attention?' For someone, literally anyone, just see past the fake Joie de Vivre, the smile that doesn't even make my eyes wrinkle, the robotic laugh that I always activate when someone tells me a really shit joke (but not shitty enough in order for you to laugh at the person.) I look around my state-of-the-art apartment staring outside of my window, giving me a panorama view of ….. skyline, bullet trains darting across the city, like a hyperactive child who's clearly had too much sour cherries, contemporary buildings launching a spectrum of colours , street lights exploiting the people loitering the veranda, wolf-whistling at curvy women that walk by, passive white collars workers, anticipating for the bus to arrive and be left vulnerable to a gush of warm air. I bet whoever is reading this, I sound like an arrogant, spoilt mainstreamer, don't I? (And even try to say that I'm not because we both know you're lying.) The truth is, maybe I am; like maybe there's no such thing as good people, bad people, selfish people, pushovers, you name it; maybe the actions we do are bad, good or selfish.

To be blunt, I'm only writing these sectors from the inner archives of my brain because I feel myself, reluctantly on the string that keeps me sane, being social enough but stand-offish to be considered an introvert and just 'a smug asshole who puts on a facade by being so pessimistic and keeping his distance away from people to show how elite he is.', knowing the difference between actually being hungry and just dying from boredom, or knowing true lov...


My stomach makes a grumbling noise, and if there's worse than being suicidal and alone, it's being suicidal, alone and hungry. I stand and feel lightheaded straight after, almost ramming into the old antique clock, and look up at it's face, 'tick-tock-tick-tock' the onomatopoeia casting a curse on me, counting down the seconds I have left until I faint; 59 58 57 56 55... I reach for my phone and call my most trustworthy Chinese restaurant. 44 43 42 41.... Dialling up 'Golden Moon Palace,' I take a deep breath and pull my belly inwards, hearing 'tick-tock-tick-tock' resonate in my head.



Save Files

INT. Bauer's Room

ENTER NON-DIALEGTIC MUSIC: The Beatles – Nowhere Man

Close on Bauer's hands playing on his SNES, Screen fizzes, Bauer is walking towards the funfair with his friends and love interest. (10s)

Screen fizzes back to Bauer's current state, We focus on the screen, reveals Bauer is playing Final Fantasy I, (NEAR GURGU VOLCANO.) (10s)

Screen fizzes back again. A younger version (female, 18-19) Bauer is on the roller-coaster with his friends and shows Bauer giving a prize to someone in a POV SHOT. (8s)

Screen fizzes back again, gaining tempo in succession to each transition, Close up on Bauer's face, effect shows the light on his face, facial expressions are jaded and meek. (8s)

Screen fizzes back, Medium shot of Bauer pushing someone on a trolley, Close up of shot of Bauer's face, bursting with anticipation and joy. (6s)

Screen fizzes, shot is a 360 degree panorama w stereographic projection birds eye view which gradually gets closer towards Bauer during each transition. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is currently battling the fire fiend, Kary. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is eating chicken wings and has loads of stuffed animals in his possession, close up shot of Bauer with stuffed animal fur in his face, facial expression is bubbly.(5s)

Screen fizzes, the birds eye shot gets closer, plummets down towards Bauer. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is covered in glow in the dark paint, eating chicken wings, getting really closer to his love interest. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Extreme close up on Bauer's face, still showing the meek and jaded facial expressions. (2s)

Screen fizzes, tempo gets really fast, Bauer gets really to his love interest, almost about to kiss her (1s)

Scenes now replay getting faster and faster, ultimately ends with a screen fizzing and shuts down.


BAUER
What?

pg.2

Save Files

Bauer sits there in silence, watching the pitch black screen, SA completely unaware of the fact that Bauer didn't even have the chance to save his game.

Bauer (CONT'D)
You've got to be fucking kidding me?!

Bauer, still sitting in silence, hoping for a miracle that his TV will come back to life.

Camera focuses on the screen, still turned off (5s)

Bauer rubs his face, pushes his hair backwards and picks up his Macbook Pro.

Bauer (whispers under his breath)
Fucking piece of shit, I almost beat Kary.

Bauer stands up.

Bauer (CONT'D)
I almost... beat him.

Bauer sets his eyes on his bag on the opposite side of the room, walks towards it, sits down on the floor and opens it. Inside of the bag is full of bongs, weed like accessories drawings of nude cartoons, drugs, a camcorder and a sheet of paper

Bauer
Monotonous.

Bauer turns on his laptop, non-diegetic sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Bauer is scrolling through his archives which is full of doujinshi and hentai manga. Bauer sighs and clicks on a project (project #42)

Camera focuses on the screen to see that Bauer is uploading something.

While it's loading, an error occurs and Bauer is unable to upload. Bauer pulls a stern look at the Macbook Pro

Bauer
Like.. Like?

Bauer (CONT'D)
Really nigger?

Bauer refreshes the tab, only to realise the same result happens again and again. Bauer lets out a sigh.

Bauer
I swear, technology is out to get me or some shit.


pg.3
Save Files

Bauer refreshes his tab and sees a message from 'IRAQIROCKETLAUNCHER_43.' Bauer reads out the message stuttering and shows signs of hesitation.

Bauer
Hey dude, can you lock this thread for me? Some dude is spamming and being an absolute dick and shit, here's the thread.

Bauer scrolls down and clicks on the thread. (2s)


Bauer (reading the thread)
Dreams and Aspirations brought to life with the revolutionary 'SAVE FILES.'

Bauer (CONT'D)
Yeah, it's soooo revolutionary that you post it on a hentai website.


Bauer scrolls the thread and sees the creator of the thread 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS', harassing and constantly double posting links to the 'save files.'

Bauer
Like what the fuck is this?

Bauer clicks on 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS' profile and clicks 'message'

Camera focuses on the screen, Bauer types down.

'Hey, tsunderetuesdays, stop with the spam and take your stupid scheme somewhere else.'

'P.S, I don't how you managed to double post but stop it okay?'


Really reads like my style of writing. Plenty of inner monologue but I don't write stories; I tend to write monologues. (Did you have the misfortune of reading mine?)

I have to go through it slowly. I think it could be made better if you put one of two sentences explaining clearly what the main character is doing. (From what I am reading, it seems as if he is enjoying life in a luxury apartment in front of his computer.)

The transition to where he accessed his save files was confusing to me. Was there any indication that he was using his computer? The last sentence before the transition was when he ordered food from a restaurant.
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d
9 years ago
Leonard! There was this one story that got submitted to the magazine I was working on that you would have loved. Or maybe that WAS you. It was about a teacher who gets confused over his students' use of the word 'ratchet' and then tries to trace the origins of the word. It even had pictures! If it wasn't you, then it was your evil twin who submitted it. Either way, it didn't get in.
0
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Leonard! There was this one story that got submitted to the magazine I was working on that you would have loved. Or maybe that WAS you. It was about a teacher who gets confused over his students' use of the word 'ratchet' and then tries to trace the origins of the word. It even had pictures! If it wasn't you, then it was your evil twin who submitted it. Either way, it didn't get in.


I don't use the word 'ratchet'. Tend to confuse it with 'racket'. I am afraid it wasn't me. Can you link me the story if any exists?
0
RockyRocketLauncher
9 years ago
leonard267 wrote...
NotSoKaito wrote...
crazr wrote...
So... when will we see this lovely tale unfold?


I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible


What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create (in which that particular lore entry plays at least a noticeable part). I'll probably start it next week, my schedule's pretty much filled up for now (going out, movie marathon, nephew's birthday, etc.).


Personally, I don't think any first attempt would be good. Best come up with a draft and ask other people to read it. If the draft manages to get the reaction you wanted or at least generate interest, chances it is good enough to be turned into a story.

Asking other people to read your drafts might pose another problem. Different people have different tastes in reading and they might give you feedback that contradicts each other. If you ask me how you ought to begin your story, I will say that giving proper exposition and making sense of your alien universe takes priority. However if you ask other people, they would encourage you not to delve so much into exposition.


RockyRocketLauncher wrote...
Spoiler:
Update on the idea I'm working on? I'm not sure about the clock counting down bit, I came up with the idea so the audience can get a glimpse of how he over-exaggerates things but I'm not sure if this idea would completely execute the aspect.
I'm also working on a screenplay as well which is about an artist/co-creator of a hentai website (massively influenced by FAKKU btw.) Bauer finds himself at major crossroads about his job, his future, his philosophies and he encounters a mysterious account who gives him 'save files;' these save files give Bauer (the main character in my screenplay) the chance to go back in time or create a checkpoint, resulting in the desire for Bauer to try and make a perfect for himself and everyone he holds dear to. (just trying to write a lot now since I'm taking a course on Creative Writing/ English Literature in September.)


Tuesday 31st March 3X15





'Wow', I sighed, with a sigh of relief along with a hint of frustration. the pendulum on my antique Victorian clock swinging back and forth and back and forth, simultaneously with the “click” of the left hand reminding that all of this is real and ongoing. Me, breathing the same air that you breathe and desperately trying to rid myself of that luxury, my room subtly unveiling a soft peachy to lavender gradient, ironically contrasting against the atmosphere, all of my gadgets, comics, misc, stuff that will bring shame if found (this diary being a major sector) obviously and clearly looking down on me while in a plethora of dust, as if I'm an illiterate, mead-dependent peasant at the knees of a prestigious and respected knight, looking at gravity take its role on his/her (some knights were women, right?) beautifully crafted longsword and descend rapidly on me.

I slouch on my gamer chair, turn 90 degrees to the floor where I just attempted to take my life with an IKEA plastic bag. I actually question my motives during my failed suicide attempts 'Why am I doing this?', 'Am I just doing this for attention?' For someone, literally anyone, just see past the fake Joie de Vivre, the smile that doesn't even make my eyes wrinkle, the robotic laugh that I always activate when someone tells me a really shit joke (but not shitty enough in order for you to laugh at the person.) I look around my state-of-the-art apartment staring outside of my window, giving me a panorama view of ….. skyline, bullet trains darting across the city, like a hyperactive child who's clearly had too much sour cherries, contemporary buildings launching a spectrum of colours , street lights exploiting the people loitering the veranda, wolf-whistling at curvy women that walk by, passive white collars workers, anticipating for the bus to arrive and be left vulnerable to a gush of warm air. I bet whoever is reading this, I sound like an arrogant, spoilt mainstreamer, don't I? (And even try to say that I'm not because we both know you're lying.) The truth is, maybe I am; like maybe there's no such thing as good people, bad people, selfish people, pushovers, you name it; maybe the actions we do are bad, good or selfish.

To be blunt, I'm only writing these sectors from the inner archives of my brain because I feel myself, reluctantly on the string that keeps me sane, being social enough but stand-offish to be considered an introvert and just 'a smug asshole who puts on a facade by being so pessimistic and keeping his distance away from people to show how elite he is.', knowing the difference between actually being hungry and just dying from boredom, or knowing true lov...


My stomach makes a grumbling noise, and if there's worse than being suicidal and alone, it's being suicidal, alone and hungry. I stand and feel lightheaded straight after, almost ramming into the old antique clock, and look up at it's face, 'tick-tock-tick-tock' the onomatopoeia casting a curse on me, counting down the seconds I have left until I faint; 59 58 57 56 55... I reach for my phone and call my most trustworthy Chinese restaurant. 44 43 42 41.... Dialling up 'Golden Moon Palace,' I take a deep breath and pull my belly inwards, hearing 'tick-tock-tick-tock' resonate in my head.



Save Files

INT. Bauer's Room

ENTER NON-DIALEGTIC MUSIC: The Beatles – Nowhere Man

Close on Bauer's hands playing on his SNES, Screen fizzes, Bauer is walking towards the funfair with his friends and love interest. (10s)

Screen fizzes back to Bauer's current state, We focus on the screen, reveals Bauer is playing Final Fantasy I, (NEAR GURGU VOLCANO.) (10s)

Screen fizzes back again. A younger version (female, 18-19) Bauer is on the roller-coaster with his friends and shows Bauer giving a prize to someone in a POV SHOT. (8s)

Screen fizzes back again, gaining tempo in succession to each transition, Close up on Bauer's face, effect shows the light on his face, facial expressions are jaded and meek. (8s)

Screen fizzes back, Medium shot of Bauer pushing someone on a trolley, Close up of shot of Bauer's face, bursting with anticipation and joy. (6s)

Screen fizzes, shot is a 360 degree panorama w stereographic projection birds eye view which gradually gets closer towards Bauer during each transition. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is currently battling the fire fiend, Kary. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is eating chicken wings and has loads of stuffed animals in his possession, close up shot of Bauer with stuffed animal fur in his face, facial expression is bubbly.(5s)

Screen fizzes, the birds eye shot gets closer, plummets down towards Bauer. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is covered in glow in the dark paint, eating chicken wings, getting really closer to his love interest. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Extreme close up on Bauer's face, still showing the meek and jaded facial expressions. (2s)

Screen fizzes, tempo gets really fast, Bauer gets really to his love interest, almost about to kiss her (1s)

Scenes now replay getting faster and faster, ultimately ends with a screen fizzing and shuts down.


BAUER
What?

pg.2

Save Files

Bauer sits there in silence, watching the pitch black screen, SA completely unaware of the fact that Bauer didn't even have the chance to save his game.

Bauer (CONT'D)
You've got to be fucking kidding me?!

Bauer, still sitting in silence, hoping for a miracle that his TV will come back to life.

Camera focuses on the screen, still turned off (5s)

Bauer rubs his face, pushes his hair backwards and picks up his Macbook Pro.

Bauer (whispers under his breath)
Fucking piece of shit, I almost beat Kary.

Bauer stands up.

Bauer (CONT'D)
I almost... beat him.

Bauer sets his eyes on his bag on the opposite side of the room, walks towards it, sits down on the floor and opens it. Inside of the bag is full of bongs, weed like accessories drawings of nude cartoons, drugs, a camcorder and a sheet of paper

Bauer
Monotonous.

Bauer turns on his laptop, non-diegetic sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Bauer is scrolling through his archives which is full of doujinshi and hentai manga. Bauer sighs and clicks on a project (project #42)

Camera focuses on the screen to see that Bauer is uploading something.

While it's loading, an error occurs and Bauer is unable to upload. Bauer pulls a stern look at the Macbook Pro

Bauer
Like.. Like?

Bauer (CONT'D)
Really nigger?

Bauer refreshes the tab, only to realise the same result happens again and again. Bauer lets out a sigh.

Bauer
I swear, technology is out to get me or some shit.


pg.3
Save Files

Bauer refreshes his tab and sees a message from 'IRAQIROCKETLAUNCHER_43.' Bauer reads out the message stuttering and shows signs of hesitation.

Bauer
Hey dude, can you lock this thread for me? Some dude is spamming and being an absolute dick and shit, here's the thread.

Bauer scrolls down and clicks on the thread. (2s)


Bauer (reading the thread)
Dreams and Aspirations brought to life with the revolutionary 'SAVE FILES.'

Bauer (CONT'D)
Yeah, it's soooo revolutionary that you post it on a hentai website.


Bauer scrolls the thread and sees the creator of the thread 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS', harassing and constantly double posting links to the 'save files.'

Bauer
Like what the fuck is this?

Bauer clicks on 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS' profile and clicks 'message'

Camera focuses on the screen, Bauer types down.

'Hey, tsunderetuesdays, stop with the spam and take your stupid scheme somewhere else.'

'P.S, I don't how you managed to double post but stop it okay?'


Really reads like my style of writing. Plenty of inner monologue but I don't write stories; I tend to write monologues. (Did you have the misfortune of reading mine?)

I have to go through it slowly. I think it could be made better if you put one of two sentences explaining clearly what the main character is doing. (From what I am reading, it seems as if he is enjoying life in a luxury apartment in front of his computer.)

The transition to where he accessed his save files was confusing to me. Was there any indication that he was using his computer? The last sentence before the transition was when he ordered food from a restaurant.


The rough draft of my novel and the screenplay are two completely different storylies, sorry for the confusion.
And no, I haven't seen your monologues, if you want to, you can show me your stuff, I'll be happy to read it.
0
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
RockyRocketLauncher wrote...
Spoiler:
leonard267 wrote...
NotSoKaito wrote...
crazr wrote...
So... when will we see this lovely tale unfold?


I genuinely have no idea. Like, zero. Nada. Zilch. Niente. Once I start doing it, I want to be sure that:

  • It's good

  • I actually finish it

  • It's something I can be happy about finishing

  • I get better with thinking out names for people/objects (I'm pretty awful at it right now)

  • It's not terrible


What I might do for now is write a smaller story for every lore entry I create (in which that particular lore entry plays at least a noticeable part). I'll probably start it next week, my schedule's pretty much filled up for now (going out, movie marathon, nephew's birthday, etc.).


Personally, I don't think any first attempt would be good. Best come up with a draft and ask other people to read it. If the draft manages to get the reaction you wanted or at least generate interest, chances it is good enough to be turned into a story.

Asking other people to read your drafts might pose another problem. Different people have different tastes in reading and they might give you feedback that contradicts each other. If you ask me how you ought to begin your story, I will say that giving proper exposition and making sense of your alien universe takes priority. However if you ask other people, they would encourage you not to delve so much into exposition.


RockyRocketLauncher wrote...
Spoiler:
Update on the idea I'm working on? I'm not sure about the clock counting down bit, I came up with the idea so the audience can get a glimpse of how he over-exaggerates things but I'm not sure if this idea would completely execute the aspect.
I'm also working on a screenplay as well which is about an artist/co-creator of a hentai website (massively influenced by FAKKU btw.) Bauer finds himself at major crossroads about his job, his future, his philosophies and he encounters a mysterious account who gives him 'save files;' these save files give Bauer (the main character in my screenplay) the chance to go back in time or create a checkpoint, resulting in the desire for Bauer to try and make a perfect for himself and everyone he holds dear to. (just trying to write a lot now since I'm taking a course on Creative Writing/ English Literature in September.)


Tuesday 31st March 3X15





'Wow', I sighed, with a sigh of relief along with a hint of frustration. the pendulum on my antique Victorian clock swinging back and forth and back and forth, simultaneously with the “click” of the left hand reminding that all of this is real and ongoing. Me, breathing the same air that you breathe and desperately trying to rid myself of that luxury, my room subtly unveiling a soft peachy to lavender gradient, ironically contrasting against the atmosphere, all of my gadgets, comics, misc, stuff that will bring shame if found (this diary being a major sector) obviously and clearly looking down on me while in a plethora of dust, as if I'm an illiterate, mead-dependent peasant at the knees of a prestigious and respected knight, looking at gravity take its role on his/her (some knights were women, right?) beautifully crafted longsword and descend rapidly on me.

I slouch on my gamer chair, turn 90 degrees to the floor where I just attempted to take my life with an IKEA plastic bag. I actually question my motives during my failed suicide attempts 'Why am I doing this?', 'Am I just doing this for attention?' For someone, literally anyone, just see past the fake Joie de Vivre, the smile that doesn't even make my eyes wrinkle, the robotic laugh that I always activate when someone tells me a really shit joke (but not shitty enough in order for you to laugh at the person.) I look around my state-of-the-art apartment staring outside of my window, giving me a panorama view of ….. skyline, bullet trains darting across the city, like a hyperactive child who's clearly had too much sour cherries, contemporary buildings launching a spectrum of colours , street lights exploiting the people loitering the veranda, wolf-whistling at curvy women that walk by, passive white collars workers, anticipating for the bus to arrive and be left vulnerable to a gush of warm air. I bet whoever is reading this, I sound like an arrogant, spoilt mainstreamer, don't I? (And even try to say that I'm not because we both know you're lying.) The truth is, maybe I am; like maybe there's no such thing as good people, bad people, selfish people, pushovers, you name it; maybe the actions we do are bad, good or selfish.

To be blunt, I'm only writing these sectors from the inner archives of my brain because I feel myself, reluctantly on the string that keeps me sane, being social enough but stand-offish to be considered an introvert and just 'a smug asshole who puts on a facade by being so pessimistic and keeping his distance away from people to show how elite he is.', knowing the difference between actually being hungry and just dying from boredom, or knowing true lov...


My stomach makes a grumbling noise, and if there's worse than being suicidal and alone, it's being suicidal, alone and hungry. I stand and feel lightheaded straight after, almost ramming into the old antique clock, and look up at it's face, 'tick-tock-tick-tock' the onomatopoeia casting a curse on me, counting down the seconds I have left until I faint; 59 58 57 56 55... I reach for my phone and call my most trustworthy Chinese restaurant. 44 43 42 41.... Dialling up 'Golden Moon Palace,' I take a deep breath and pull my belly inwards, hearing 'tick-tock-tick-tock' resonate in my head.



Save Files

INT. Bauer's Room

ENTER NON-DIALEGTIC MUSIC: The Beatles – Nowhere Man

Close on Bauer's hands playing on his SNES, Screen fizzes, Bauer is walking towards the funfair with his friends and love interest. (10s)

Screen fizzes back to Bauer's current state, We focus on the screen, reveals Bauer is playing Final Fantasy I, (NEAR GURGU VOLCANO.) (10s)

Screen fizzes back again. A younger version (female, 18-19) Bauer is on the roller-coaster with his friends and shows Bauer giving a prize to someone in a POV SHOT. (8s)

Screen fizzes back again, gaining tempo in succession to each transition, Close up on Bauer's face, effect shows the light on his face, facial expressions are jaded and meek. (8s)

Screen fizzes back, Medium shot of Bauer pushing someone on a trolley, Close up of shot of Bauer's face, bursting with anticipation and joy. (6s)

Screen fizzes, shot is a 360 degree panorama w stereographic projection birds eye view which gradually gets closer towards Bauer during each transition. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is currently battling the fire fiend, Kary. (4s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is eating chicken wings and has loads of stuffed animals in his possession, close up shot of Bauer with stuffed animal fur in his face, facial expression is bubbly.(5s)

Screen fizzes, the birds eye shot gets closer, plummets down towards Bauer. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Bauer is covered in glow in the dark paint, eating chicken wings, getting really closer to his love interest. (3s)

Screen fizzes, Extreme close up on Bauer's face, still showing the meek and jaded facial expressions. (2s)

Screen fizzes, tempo gets really fast, Bauer gets really to his love interest, almost about to kiss her (1s)

Scenes now replay getting faster and faster, ultimately ends with a screen fizzing and shuts down.


BAUER
What?

pg.2

Save Files

Bauer sits there in silence, watching the pitch black screen, SA completely unaware of the fact that Bauer didn't even have the chance to save his game.

Bauer (CONT'D)
You've got to be fucking kidding me?!

Bauer, still sitting in silence, hoping for a miracle that his TV will come back to life.

Camera focuses on the screen, still turned off (5s)

Bauer rubs his face, pushes his hair backwards and picks up his Macbook Pro.

Bauer (whispers under his breath)
Fucking piece of shit, I almost beat Kary.

Bauer stands up.

Bauer (CONT'D)
I almost... beat him.

Bauer sets his eyes on his bag on the opposite side of the room, walks towards it, sits down on the floor and opens it. Inside of the bag is full of bongs, weed like accessories drawings of nude cartoons, drugs, a camcorder and a sheet of paper

Bauer
Monotonous.

Bauer turns on his laptop, non-diegetic sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Bauer is scrolling through his archives which is full of doujinshi and hentai manga. Bauer sighs and clicks on a project (project #42)

Camera focuses on the screen to see that Bauer is uploading something.

While it's loading, an error occurs and Bauer is unable to upload. Bauer pulls a stern look at the Macbook Pro

Bauer
Like.. Like?

Bauer (CONT'D)
Really nigger?

Bauer refreshes the tab, only to realise the same result happens again and again. Bauer lets out a sigh.

Bauer
I swear, technology is out to get me or some shit.


pg.3
Save Files

Bauer refreshes his tab and sees a message from 'IRAQIROCKETLAUNCHER_43.' Bauer reads out the message stuttering and shows signs of hesitation.

Bauer
Hey dude, can you lock this thread for me? Some dude is spamming and being an absolute dick and shit, here's the thread.

Bauer scrolls down and clicks on the thread. (2s)


Bauer (reading the thread)
Dreams and Aspirations brought to life with the revolutionary 'SAVE FILES.'

Bauer (CONT'D)
Yeah, it's soooo revolutionary that you post it on a hentai website.


Bauer scrolls the thread and sees the creator of the thread 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS', harassing and constantly double posting links to the 'save files.'

Bauer
Like what the fuck is this?

Bauer clicks on 'TSUNDERETUESDAYS' profile and clicks 'message'

Camera focuses on the screen, Bauer types down.

'Hey, tsunderetuesdays, stop with the spam and take your stupid scheme somewhere else.'

'P.S, I don't how you managed to double post but stop it okay?'


Really reads like my style of writing. Plenty of inner monologue but I don't write stories; I tend to write monologues. (Did you have the misfortune of reading mine?)

I have to go through it slowly. I think it could be made better if you put one of two sentences explaining clearly what the main character is doing. (From what I am reading, it seems as if he is enjoying life in a luxury apartment in front of his computer.)

The transition to where he accessed his save files was confusing to me. Was there any indication that he was using his computer? The last sentence before the transition was when he ordered food from a restaurant.


The rough draft of my novel and the screenplay are two completely different storylies, sorry for the confusion.
And no, I haven't seen your monologues, if you want to, you can show me your stuff, I'll be happy to read it.


You can check the topics I created. Here is one of them:
https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/summer-2014-leonard267-a-report-on-the-place-of-marriage-114055

Here is my attempt in story writing:
https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/winter-2014-concerning-morality-and-the-human-life-cycle
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d
9 years ago
leonard267 wrote...
I don't use the word 'ratchet'. Tend to confuse it with 'racket'. I am afraid it wasn't me. Can you link me the story if any exists?


You know, it almost sounds as if you don't believe me.
1
leonard267 FAKKU Non-Writer
9 years ago
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
leonard267 wrote...
I don't use the word 'ratchet'. Tend to confuse it with 'racket'. I am afraid it wasn't me. Can you link me the story if any exists?


You know, it almost sounds as if you don't believe me.


No, no you are mistaken. I really did like the essay you messaged me. Care to share it with all of us here? I am disappointed that it wasn't published in the magazine.

Speaking of how the origins of the word 'ratchet' and the word as it means today do not make sense, he should try looking into history of words like 'sluts', 'faggots', 'pomp and circumstance' and 'lay'.
0
NotSoKaito
9 years ago
So I'm pretty curious about this (since I've run out of interesting stuff to read at the moment) - What is the worst story (fanfics are the main focus, but anything written goes) you have read? I feel like laughing at bad spelling/grammar/etc., but I'm not insane enough to visit fanfiction.net
1
crazr
9 years ago
NotSoKaito wrote...
So I'm pretty curious about this (since I've run out of interesting stuff to read at the moment) - What is the worst story (fanfics are the main focus, but anything written goes) you have read? I feel like laughing at bad spelling/grammar/etc., but I'm not insane enough to visit fanfiction.net


My own writing. Jokes aside, I read a really bad Frozen fanfic about Elsa and Anna not too long ago for "Fanfiction Humiliation Night" with my friends.
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