My secret life. (slightly long) ----- (old topic as well)

I was reading the shameful possession post and it made me wonder; does anyone else live like me? I've had a pretty normal childhood, I played sports all through high school (qb for my school football team, winger on the soccer team, goalie for the hockey team [I'm from Canada]). I had girl friends as far back as I can remember (i didn't go through that "i don't like girls" phase). I had loads of friends that most would consider the "popular" kids. I had my own crazy phase of drinking excessively(which I'm not quite through). I had a pretty good child hood without too much trouble; the one thing that sets me a part from all my friends is: my secret nerd life. You see I've been a closet computer kid since i was young; it started with games like NHL 94 on my old pc breaking joysticks left and right. I slowly transitioned from just playing sports games to playing games like Starcraft ,Warcraft and other epic RTS games, but evetually I moved on to the most dreaded of all computer game addictions; MMORPG's. Ultima Online was my first love; I played whenever I didn't have practice, or a party to go to. As time passed new games started to come out and I played a bunch of them until I found my true love; Dark Age of Camelot. Eventually as time passed I outgrew DAOC and have been focusing my life on real things; like a job, more girls, friends. Through out my young life I've never ever let anyone from my real life know about my secret addiction to video games or cartoon porn; when I had girlfriends I simply neglected my computer completely, when friends called I was "playing madden" (sometimes i really was but when i wanted to lie about DAOC or looking for hentai it was a less shameful option). I just wanted to know how many of you had similar thoughts about the time you spend on your computers. What we do here on this site would be looked down upon by a majority of so called "normal" society. Do you have to hide your love for hentai? Does your friend Mike know about how you like to "rough up the usual suspect" to stories about a girl with green hair who pilots a big human looking machine, or a girl from the past (who should be a guy) that only shows up to fight for the holy grail? Do any of you have similar stories?

sorry for the life story; I believe it helps to give my points context.

What a beautiful story…Heh. Well, my life is similar to yours, but I don’t have to hide the darkest corners of my filthy perverted soul. It’s my life and my own strangeness. If my girlfriend tries to blame me for my hentai addiction, I have only one thing to say: “Farewell, my girl, hope you’ll find a better guy than I am”. I think it’s your own freedom – freedom to be closet computer man. I can proudly say: “I like hentai!” or “I like MMORPG” and I don’t give a damn what others can say about me. Well, something like that.

i would agree with you other than sometimes it might come back to bite you; let's face it; some of the subject matter some of this stuff (hentai) is not exactly accepted; I mean you would ever tell your boss you enjoy reading stories about girls getting raped (some of it at least). Everyone hides it to an extent right?

Well said, but my boss has nothing to do with my private life. I don't feel like saying "I'm a maniac and I like porn cartoons" to everyone. Such people as my friends, parents, relatives, etc. have the right to know who I am.

so you would tell your mother what you're into sexually? I imagine you hide some things you do even from your closer relations right? I just take it to a higher extent.

My mother knows about it :lol: She gave up on me looooong time ago)All my relatives are adult people, so there's no need to hide H-production from children.

I give you props for writing this down in the forums. Personally I am very aware of the time I spend on a computer. It kills me when I reflect how much time I could have used to do something more productive. (This is why I don't usually think about this.) Basically most of my friends know I like hentai and I got a few of my friends into it as well. :P Its not like I'm not into "real" women its just you get a different kind of satisfaction from hentai. I have yet to tell my mom but knowing her I'm sure she will accept it. (As long as I promise not to live in her basement and get a kid or two.) Most people I have found don't even really care about your sexuality. I know I don't. Sure I have homosexual friends and such but who cares. They're fun to be around.

[maybe this should be in the serious discussion forum]

I've always been an unusual person as I even for the most part didn't fit into the nerd groups. I always had a small collection of friends. Though like you I never went through the "I don't like girls" phase and sometimes I was oddly popular with girls (odd considering I wasn't popular with any groups but despite being an outsider I could still get girls to like me). In fact I'm pretty sure I was aware of that phase in other guys my age and used it to my advantage. As I was saying I'm a fairly odd person but not odd in the ways that I would fit in with other odd people. For the most part everyone I know enough to let them know anything about me knows about my hobbies (all of them including hentai) except as you mentioned parents but, that's more because it would be a pretty awkward conversation with my parents. Then again most of my friends these days share my hobbies so it's not like I have any reason to be ashamed. So really my only secrets are about what I think about things and people.

I'm pretty much the same exact way. No one ever thought I was a big dork. It's not like I would care about it anyways, I pay attention to my games more than people. But it always surprises people when they find out how into anime and games I am.

Meh; I felt everyone was accepting enough to read what I had to say. I don't judge anyone for their life choices/or whatever: and I don't believe anyone should judge me, I just thought it would be nice to see if anyone grew up in a similar fashion as I did. To this day i still wont fully divulge some of my "secrets" to some people. My parents obviously knew about me playing computer games and my love for anime/hentai only recently became strong so as i've been living on my own for a year now no one at home really knows. Would I ever tell anyone? I imagine if i date someone for long enough and i find that she accepts my weird habits then I probably will; but my friends and family never really need to know that I like to rub one out while looking at anime characters.

I just told my girlfriend of only 2 months that I like Hentai, and she said she would watch some with me. Thats going to happen tonight. :D

I understand you, but I think that people that close to you must accept you with all your addictions. It's kinda unfair to keep them in ignorance about it. It's just IMO, you can ignore it if you want)

glad I could inspire you; you own me one (what one is I don't know yet).

You're life sounded awfully similar to mine, except I didn't keep my nerdom a secret, in fact, I got half my teammates into anime and shit, which is a hard feat considering it's a Texas High school football. I made top 25 in an IB school(International Baccalaureate), I was in choir, and I hung out with the band and orchestra kids as well, smoked with the skaters/punks, plus I CREATED the anime club. I starred in a shitload of movies for my film class friends that sometimes went into film festivals, earned an athletic scholarship, declined to be a mormon missionary(irony), got my Eagle scout, voted "most witty" Junior and Senior year, Djed on the side, and went into many dance clubs as a minor due to my cousin's status as a "club promoter". Now I didn't mean to sound narcissistic, but I listed all of those acomplishments (Damn I was a badass then) to emphasize a strange flaw in my life, girls did not want to date me. Now, look at those accomplishments, a typical jock/scholar student/anime nerd/ theater geek/ choir fag all rolled into one, and I still couldn't get the expected amount of pussy. Now, I did get some mind you, but it was from girls I seriously worked hard to get a relationship with. However, when I was free, everytime I asked a girl out I would get rejected. Now, I didn't look bad, I was a decent size (I did play DT), and I was most witty so you know I have a fucking amazing personality (I hope), but all I received were rejection after rejection after rejection. It was horrible! But anyways, I just wanted to share with everyone that despite being every stereotype known to highschool, fate will always find a way to fuck with your perfect little self.

I mean come on, I even asked the nerd and geeky girls out(not to belittle them in any way).

its possible you simply went to a school with a high amount of prudish girls, when I first got to my second high school (i traveled quite a bit) everything seemed like that; it took my like 3 months to get any girls but after that i was exposed to a very different type of school. Sometimes what you see in anime isnt that far off from reality (school days).

sorry for the old bump, doing it for Kirby with a gun.

I know what you mean brah. Sometimes, you gotta live two lives to stay sane you know? Like one side is the side you show to the public and the other side is the side that wants to try everything possible in the world just for fucking curiosity's sake. I believe that when you are in public you try to hide your worst flaws but when you are home alone by yourself you release all the frustrations by being fake. Like when you are with friends, you can't always do what u want to do. So when you go back home, all that frustration is released and u are free to do whatever you want be it destructive or otherwise.

well i'm not going home a punching elderly people in the face or anything... I just come home and watch anime, or play video games which my friends and society would look down on... (not bad things, just nerdy things)

What I'm saying is that basically I'm a closet nerd.

Nothing wrong with being a closet nerd. At all.

Same here, never mind a closet, its a panic room with lasers and sensor enforced steele shutters. I with i could come out of the closet though.

I guess i'm relitavly average, female, smartish student, part time job, great friends and family. nothing stands out and ashamebly i want to keep it that way, i'm not brave enough to tell others i spent at least 10 hours on CSS a week. My friends would understand, but others not so much so, i live in a backwards town =__=...

My brothers the opposite though, he's out in the open. he spends his time on the 360 or ps3 and has always told us he prefers gaming to actually going out. Oddly enough, i'm jealous, i'd like that freedom! Meh, c'est la vie, some times its not the easy to just reveal yourself [aka making excuses for myself].

Nope. Pretty much a "Nerd 4 life" (Cept I did have quite a few what would be called "Popular" people as friends in High School. They new I was a nerd and they were cool with it)