My secret life. (slightly long) ----- (old topic as well)

lolz, fix'd

Can i fix this? 5:34 AM here :lol:

fix'd

Fixed.

@Waar:

Yesh, seems kind of interesting how people can beh very open with Fakku. Reasoning ish because most community ish very accepting non matter how fucked up you are. Aswell, the matter of how their understanding ish towards most issues. The general ish they know you have a life outside of the Forum/site, buh you still are an okie person -non matter your emotional/mental outlook on life.

With new Girly, you should just beh truthful of your situation -non matter the means. Guess it all depends, buh if it ish a part of you et she wishes a long term relationship with you, she has to know you little dirty secrets that ish a part of "Waar" -non going to reference such names being offline aswell, mewhs! Buh, understand mine message, Eshi ish sure.

@Seph:

Please, contact meh via private message on this site. Give you anything you need to know to understand mine text.. ask meh anything, seriously. Eventually, you'll find the means to understand mine text through the forums, like most. Thanks for the request, aswell. Mewhs! ( ^ w ^)!

@Nate River:

Well, Eshi just ignored people et was a silence of the hallways. Maybe grasps a few friends in the long run, buh they always considered meh a weirdo.. Heh! Still do, the few that stayed in mine past. Eitherway, never let anyone's views destroy mine own, just contray most high school students closed, blind, blank, et ignorance. Little more advanced on most topics in mine younger age.. Also, probably experienced more in life than they'd ever trace in their early years as mistakes.. which Eshi always take in as lessons.

Eitherway, never found any reason or crime on how Eshi feels in this life. If people don't accept who Eshi ish, then why fucking bother with them, they aren't important in the long run. Type that rathers beh alone in life than thrive in a mindless group who doesn't give a care in the world if something happens to meh in a fewest hours knowing mine existence. Le Sighs! -Buh, Fakku ish a nice outlet. (<333)

@n3g4t1v0:

Meeeeh.. Still feel, believe that those that seem to find some means of LOVE online still has to produce the factor of what ish et/or nuh real in the means of life/reality. The basis of our relationship together ish five years, of that we knew another two years online et three coming offline. We chat by phone ect.. was really foolish et never had much hope for us until we meet. Things seemed to beh some bliss of some sorts to romance. Heh! Buh, relive we are at this current moment having issues, what does that tell you? --He tells meh constantly, that I am far from the person he ever thought I was. Le Sighs! Romance, love.. all ish foolish emotions for some matter of blind trust.. think if nuh wishful of him anymore, won't behad by anyone for the longer moments of mine life. Le Sighs, once more.

@York:

Teheheheh, remember the Anime/Otaku Clubs in mine high school. Everyone who saw mine "Raga" redkitty character -always wanted meh to join. Never did, just watched as they collected the POPULAR means of things et tried some mess of blank emotional output. Made meh sew fucking sick to think of myself a part of something that only collected the basis of what ish popular.

Always was asked by them what I had in mine hands, when bought something online, because they'd never find it in any fucking bookstore. Hah! They always wanted meh to join, et never really cared for that mess of an ideal, indddeeeeed. Eitherway, was nice to know that other people out there liked a similar matter of mine own. Only difference ish the popularity came out when placed on bookshelfs. Which, another means, made meh sick. Been following up with Anime/Hentai before was ever popular. Meeeeer!

Eitherway! --at mine High School was the scary Lolita Gothic Girly that wandered the hallways... Everyone wanted et didn't wish to know meh, buh nevertheless people found curiosity in who I was. Very few friends those mindless years, buh didn't care -don't care now. Mewhs!

@E.X.A.M:

Gawh! Well, that's kind of makes meh remember mine Sweet Love's situation in life. He's 21 now, et he still tosses through the night about what happened to him in California. He's told meh many stories of guys dying in his arms.. aswell, stories about him getting harmed by various gang members, family members, et various friends... Le Sighs. Nuh nice little place to beh et/or have in one's mind especially when, in the beginning acts, he wasn't stable....

Le Sighs! He has scars all over his body, his mind slowly breaks sometimes.. have to hold him down. Non, pretty, et he decided to take on everything still with his life. When he works, he continues non-stop.. nothing to thrive when he comes home, makes meh feel abandoned. Sew, if you ever attempt the life with another... just don't let them suffer with your past et/or current mental issues. Okies? -Buh, sure one day you'll have the surprise of love, just leap into it. Without question, buh always beh wary of things to come.

Always, Know, as been placed by others, You have us! Your Fakku Family, Indeeed! ( ^ w^)!

@(>'.')>¿;=:

Agreeed, (<333), Enjoy your words more than mine previously. More possitive reference than mine negative outlook on most things today, in life. Excellent wisdom, mine dearest!

@Noutakun:

Yesh, love mine Sweet Love -E.X.A.M et his words alike to such intent. If wasn't anyone else, would have left him for all the pain behad in his soul. Sew, given reference to some ideals. Another good means of Excellent Wisdom!

i dont pity them for what they've done to me,but i cant forget it either.

it's a risk. i choose to save my friend with my limited brave. and this is the result.

like a double-edge sword,both choice will hurt you.

- if choose to leave my friend,i'll died by starvind
- then i choose to save my friend,i think it'll be the right choice. but the result is much worse than the first one.

what's done,is done. i'm not regreting it. this is my fate. if the same thing happens in my future,i wont deny it.

i've become like this,it's because of me. i wont blame anyone for causing me like this. it's just happen,and i must accept this fate.

my biggest fault,is denying the truth. i'm trying to escape from the reality. in fact,i cannot runaway from the truth. everytime i tried to escape,it hurts me. the memory still attached to my mind. it always come to me as a nightmare.

then i turn aside. facing the truth. living with my unknown father. and carry the scar in my left hand.

i wont sad. i want regret.

this is the meaning of my life.

_______________________________


i'm not telling this to get symphaty from all the people in FAKKU.

it's a lesson for all of you. i believe,most of the people in FAKKU dont have the same past as me. try to live happily while you can. it's the best thing you can do in this world.

love your mom and dad more than anything. i dont have a chance to love them since they've separated while i'm still 2 years old.

try to get many friends out there. follow the right friend,they'll follow you as well.

my time has ended. i have no future. only in front of this monitor i can see "my world".

all of you still have many things to do out there. try to get your happiness as much as you can.

live normally in real world. internet world is for people who has broken,like me.

Know you, if you'd just take the chance at the world can offer you -you might beh surprised how much you can gain over time. Don't fuck with what happened in the past. WE ALL, human alike, NATURALLY have horrid issues that become the distant reality we call to live in. Non matter how horrid life can become or betray us, we move forward in what we know et learn over time. Don't let what, evermost horrid, happen to you STOP EVERYTHING that ish your fortune of life. Mewhs!

We all deserve a future, et if you feel sew strongly that all you have ish a monitor infront of you for whatever matters et nothing else -Then, face the fact that we won't pity your actions (know you don't wish us in the first place), Buh! One has their own choices in this life.. et beyond, there will always beh acceptance amongst the reality of those that are blind in their little caves hidden from the world.

Stop this, non one needs the nerve of horrid ends. If you didn't want the thrive, you fucking kill yourself from the means of the blessing to survive in this world. We have, buh one chance on this Earth as humans -that ish to live. This misfortune ish a most wonderful gift we are granted days-end. Please, don't ruin your life from horrid fact of your past. Thrive in the knowledge that you survived!

I wish I could understand ragakitty fast enough...
Its all long and its all red...
I'm a lazy reader, such irony from a man who work as a freelance editor and translator... :?

you can say that because you never experienced the same as me.

maybe your boyfriend has the same past as me. but i am different from him. he's not like me,and i'm not like him. if he can move forward without looking at his painful past,then i'm not the one who can do the same.

it's not like i dont want to get my future or being pesimist,i'm just tired of this Real World problems.

too many problems in my past. i dont want it to be repeated again. for me,enough for my painful past. if i move from this monitor to the outside world,many problems awaits me.

from my 3rd unknown father,and being tortured by punks. i dont want it,but it comes by itself. i dont like it,but it happens. what can i do in that time? i've tried,but the result is just same. nothing can be changed. what's done is done. and so do i. i've done with this Real World.

all of your words just saying to move forward. that's because you dont experienced the same past as me. yeah,it's always easy to say such thing.

my friend in real life also say the same. but none of them prove their words. it's all lie. they just show their symphaty by saying that. in truth,they never show me what they have done in their life.

maybe there's a people more suffer than me,and they can move forward.

but again,i'm not him,i'm not you,and i cant do the same thing like you do.

you're naive. telling anything but happiness,but never feel the pain like i do.

i'm not ruining my life. this is my life,this is my fate. i live in front of this monitor,and i'm still breathing. who told you that i'm not surviving?

Have Mine Own Problems, Beyond The Gracious Means That Follows Of Mine Sweet Love... Find That Life ish full of many issues awaiting to become us. Buh, in respect we follow in such the grace to become et flourish in our life. Have mine wounds et scars mentally, that you may never even touch by the respect of what happened. Don't like to judge or fleet any means of comparison -Buh! Sweetheart, we all have issues we deal with past, present, et coming years. You Giving Up -Just Like That.... Fucking ridiculous.

What we do, in life, ish we take what has happened -lock it away, or reveal some justice to make it stand aside, sew we amongst can become something in life. Learning everything we can.. Non even that, just survive in some means to search for the happiness we choose. Never prevail some wicked views on "Fate" -You're being romantic on some bullshit you can't seem to crawl over. We all need our time to "Heal", buh in the long days-end we revive into a new place or genre to passing forward.

Now, don't want to change your mind on what you make a means of life, buh you seem within a trap, you've made your own because of horrific events. Seen people just crawl into a corner et rout, never really moving anywhere... been there myself, many a time. Non a place like to thrive because at the end feel nothing faces bliss... Have non honest search to become gracious et wonderful, buh do intent to beh happiness, non matter the structure of the situation.

We have the right to choices in life... et can't contradict you, neither blame, buh can't find the heart to see such a mess et let it wither into a darkness all your own. Non right.. If you choose to beh this person, ish your own means, non mine. Buh, thinking that in time -you'll face before you that time still lingers before you. Time never really stops, until you take the chance to prove it wrong. Okies?

Guess, that's all can say.

I give up...

sorry,i dont really understand because you're writing it in weird words(i can understand lil'Von better than your writing).

many people doesnt understand your writing. it's better for you to write it in right words. honestly,i dont see any cuteness or what in the words. sorry,it's just like a little kid's writing for me.
____________________________

i told you many times. i'm not giving up. i just tired of the Real World problems. leave it be. i dont care. i want to live the way i am.

again,you can say that because it's not you whose feel the pain,it's your boyfriend. it's good if his past doesnt affect his present life. but you just thinking the happy way.

in short : you think that people can do the same as you?

maybe some of them can live happily,but it's only "some",not all people can achieve their happiness.

did you ever see a person born with disability? i believe all people doesnt want to be disable. but why that kind of things happen? that's why i called it "Fate".

yes. it takes a time to make it healed. but not all of them can move forward.

while some people enjoy their life with happiness,there's some people who life in sorrow. you happy people must learn from what happened to the sad people. their existence,is for you to learn.

again and again. you can say that,it's because you're not experienced the past like i,or your boyfriends do. that's why you can only talk anything but happiness,but never felt pain. if something worst happens to you,and you never experienced the same problem before,you'll go into the deep of sorrow. the worst thing,you might gets suicide.

maybe in our country,poor people are less.

but in my country,there's so many of them.

living in trash,eating filth,drinking pollution. see and ask them by yourself. a poor peoples which destined to be like that. if you can talk to me like this,why dont you just talk to them? can you change their mind?

i dont need glamourous living,flourish,or what. i dont need such life. for me,i thanked to God that i still have this life to live on.

time will never stop and this isnt wrong. what's wrong is your way thinking. believing that anybody can do like you do. but you cant prove me if you have change a life from another person.

whatever happens to me,i'll face it. surviving no matter what. looking at the world in front of me.

____________________________

thanks to my previous life. i can solve many problems because of it. people becomes mature when they've faced many problems,painful past,and solve it. it'll become their way to solve problems in life.

ok let me try once, ragakitty, correct me if i'm wrong

:
i've had my own problems, Life is full of many obstacles, and troubles may still be waiting for us ahead. buh(but, possibly?), it's these bumps on the road that help us understand the meaning of life, so that one day, we may become successful in our journeys towards the end. I've had my share of pain, both physically and mentally. Wounds that cannot be seen or touched that bears the unforgettable memories of the past. Didn't mean to judge or fleet any means of comparison between u and i, - the thing is, sweetheart, we all have issues that we have to deal with, in the past to the present, probably in the future too. If u choose to give up,- just like that....surrendering to reality is nothing to be proud of.

what we do in life, is we take the events of the past, either to lock it away in the deepest of our hearts, or reveal some justice to make it stand aside, so(sew, huh?), we can become something in life(i don't see the correlation, huh?). Leaning everything we can.. not even that, perhaps just survive in some means to search for the true definition of happiness. Never prevail some wicked viewes on "Fate"(never believed something as empty and meaningless as "Fate") - You're being romantic on some bullshit you can't seem to crawl over. We all need our time to "heal", but in the long run, we still otta keep goin and moving forward to a new place, a new future.

Now, i don't want you to change your mind on what u believed and what what u make out of as the meaning of life, but you seem to fell into a trap that you've created yourself after what u've gone through(Trapped in the past, i presume). I've seen some people like that before, crawled into a corner and never really moving anywhere after... personally, i've been there myself, many times as well. Not a place to stay in, because in the end u feel nothing but emptiness in your self and possibly sobber for the rest of your life...there's no meaning in the pursuit to perfection(i'm lost there), but everyone should intent to be happy though, no matter what kind of crappy situations they found themselves in.

We all have the right to choose in life.. i can't contradict you, neither can i blame you, but i can't find the heart to see such a mess and let it wither into darkness(let you wither into darkness all on your own)(huh?). it's not right... if you choose to be like that, by all means, it's your own choice, not mine. But think about it carefully before you regret yourself in time-you'll face before you that time still lingers before you(WTH, 0_o)(life goes on, man[that's my translation]. Time never really stops, so why not take a chance(and prove what wrong, yourself?), future is still bright, alright?

Guess that's all i can say

ragakitty's words are very deep, so to speak. anyways, correct me if u see any mistakes

uh.. Nate. even you've translated his words,i still dont understand.

but at least,i know the meaning of his words.

it's all written in my previous post (before this)

anyway,thanks Nate.

Oh, you misunderstand a bit, I was never a bully per say. My second high school was different, there were cliques such as the jocks, popular kids, "mean girls", computer/band/drama geeks/nerds, emo kids, skater kids, goth kids, and those who just didn't fit in anywhere; we all got a long though; at the very worst case we would avoid interaction. Maybe I saw it differently as I was popular and a jock so the top of the food chain had me miss a lot of the bullying but I never really heard or saw any intimidation factor among the guys at my school. I did however see a very wild and crazy sexual underbelly that ran throughout the school. There was weird "School Days" type shit going on all the time; which I even took part in a few times; i broke hearts for dumb reasons and i had my heart broken as well. In the end i truly enjoyed high school, I'm not going to be one of those loser jocks that end up working at McDonalds and I credit that to my closet nerd secret life, the part that made me study hard and expand my mind while my friends mostly went out and got high and wasted their time. I'm currently enrolled in the University of Ottawa, and anyone who knows about Canadian education knows that's not a shitty school. I was a popular kid, but I was far from a bully.

i can never relate e.x.a.m, and i never intend to. i cant imagine each torturing attack you endured and the reactions of the assailants, its all just a b-movie horror story to me. but without being properly educated on the reprecutions of such acts i suggest, no i ask you to be more optimistic. if you become hollow with despair you become even more of a victim, and you end up bareing more pain then those injuries. i dont think you want to be alone, i just think you find overwhelming comfort in it... but i dont think you want to be.

Tis, Mine Point, Although the difference ish that Eshi has had herself in a mix of many things in her life. Aswell, previously state that don't like to determine to convey comparison or contradiction. Sew, please -Just out of effort find your path, beh it less self destructive that ish, et grace yourself willingly through life! -Ish all wanted to place.

~: Cuddles onto (>'.')>¿;= throughout thread, awhile :~

Translation @ Spoiler in BLACK text