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The Jokes...

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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
lol. total lameass. GOOD JOB!

BTW, please put the jokes on spoilers. You don't wanna spoil the fun now, do ya?

Spoiler:
One day, A guy selling Ice on the road was run over by a Ferrari Racecar.

When he got to heaven, he was greeted by Saint Peter.

Saint Peter: Greetings and welcome to Heaven^^

*Guy looks down*

Guy: Saint Peter, what is that down there?

Saint Peter: That, my good man, is Hell. But you don't want to be in there. It's unbearably hot.

Guy: Really? Then I wanna go to Hell

Saint Peter: Why?

Guy: Because I could make a fortune selling ice down there!MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Saint Peter: WTH?! What kind of a joke was that! *takes out banhammer* you are now banned from heaven, now leave me be!!! *whack* *whack* *whack*
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elfen lied
16 years ago
here is my bad joke

WARNING: it is slightly racist

Spoiler:
what noise does the KKK chain saw make?

run nigga nigga nigga run


sorry if it offends anyone
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Eranikum
16 years ago
Another joke (pretty old one though, got it from my uncle)
Spoiler:
During math lesson the teacher calls up Henry. "Henry, if your father starts walking at 8AM with a velocity of 5km/h and your uncle starts walking at 9.30AM with a velocity of 8km/h, where will they meet?" ... Henry thinks for a short while than answers smiling brightly: "At the next bar :D!
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mnx
16 years ago
....please.stop.guys.the.jokes.are.killing.me.....

....my inner nigga sez that we need von and pierre at times like this...
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elfen lied
16 years ago
that was awful
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PersonDude
16 years ago
Uzumaki101 wrote...
Lol. Since i'm once again bored. I accidentally made a joke inside my head. And here it is^^

Spoiler:
There we're three men. An American, a Japanese and a Filipino. The three were hiking through the woods when they got captured by a man-eating Tribe. The tribe Leader said to them:
"We will release you under one condition. You will each pick ten Fruits of your choice and we will shove it up your ass. But if you show emotion before all the fruits are shoved inside, you will immediately be killed."

So the three seperated. The first to come back was the Japanese. He brought Ten apples. They began to shove it up his ass. But on the sixth apple, the Japanese scrunched in pain, and they killed him.

The second one was the American. He brought Ten Grapes. They began to shove it up his ass. But on the Ninth grape, the American suddenly laughed and they killed him.

In Heaven, the Japanese saw the American coming up and asked him:

"Why did you laugh? One more and you could've been free.

"Well. It's because I saw the Filipino bringing Ten Melons."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


The original one was supposed to be Durians. But I thought that not many people know about the durian. So I changed it^^


Umm, Uzumakil, the jokes you said that was from your imagination? Yeah, it's already been circulating for a while. And as the one that ends with melons, I prefer the last man brining Pinapples...

But here is a joke none the less for those who want one. It has similar properties as first and here it is:

Spoiler:
3 men survive a plane crash and are stranded on an island. The natives find them and say, "We usually kill people outside of our clan, but today we make an exception. We will give you two choices. Pumba or Death."

The first man thinks, 'I don't think I want to die though I don't really know what pumba is, I don't think it's going to be as bad as death.' He tells the chief he chooses pumba, and the chief yells out, "pumba!"

The natives all around grab the man and ass rape him for an hour and is let go. The second man says, "Damn that is bad, but I don't think I want to die" The chief hears this and yells, "Pumba!" and the natives once again rape his ass, but being warmed up from the first round they decide to go on for another hour.

The third man watching this says, "I would rather choose death than this" and he tells the chief he chooses death.

But the chief again yells "Pumba!"


The end. Knock your socks off.
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
PersonDude wrote...
Uzumaki101 wrote...
Lol. Since i'm once again bored. I accidentally made a joke inside my head. And here it is^^

Spoiler:
There we're three men. An American, a Japanese and a Filipino. The three were hiking through the woods when they got captured by a man-eating Tribe. The tribe Leader said to them:
"We will release you under one condition. You will each pick ten Fruits of your choice and we will shove it up your ass. But if you show emotion before all the fruits are shoved inside, you will immediately be killed."

So the three seperated. The first to come back was the Japanese. He brought Ten apples. They began to shove it up his ass. But on the sixth apple, the Japanese scrunched in pain, and they killed him.

The second one was the American. He brought Ten Grapes. They began to shove it up his ass. But on the Ninth grape, the American suddenly laughed and they killed him.

In Heaven, the Japanese saw the American coming up and asked him:

"Why did you laugh? One more and you could've been free.

"Well. It's because I saw the Filipino bringing Ten Melons."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


The original one was supposed to be Durians. But I thought that not many people know about the durian. So I changed it^^


Umm, Uzumaki, the jokes you said that was from your imagination? Yeah, it's already been circulating for a while. And as the one that ends with melons, I prefer the last man brining Pinapples...


tbh, No. not really.

I just remembered it, changed a few lines and translated it into english^^
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elfen lied
16 years ago
mnx wrote...
....please.stop.guys.the.jokes.are.killing.me.....

....my inner nigga sez that we need von and pierre at times like this...


if that was directed at me im sorry for the nigga joke
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mnx
16 years ago
elfen lied wrote...
mnx wrote...
....please.stop.guys.the.jokes.are.killing.me.....

....my inner nigga sez that we need von and pierre at times like this...


if that was directed at me im sorry for the nigga joke

nah no offense directed at anybody kinda thinkin that it'd be hilarious if erreip and von join in the brawl.
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omnicide
16 years ago
Here's one in REALLY bad taste.

Spoiler:

What's Osama Bin Ladin's favorite football (american) team?

A: New York Jets


I think I hear the lynch mob.
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
uhh... I dunno if this is racism. But if it is, then i'm gonna say right now that I was not attempting that.

Anyway, I don't wanna lose this thread again, so I made a joke^^

Spoiler:
A pissed off black guy was walking around and thinking of an excuse to punch someone. While walking, he saw a man walking his way. He walked towards tha man and said:

Black: Hey! What do you call someone who is black?

Man: Nigga?

*wham*

Black: That's what you get for calling me nigga, b****h

and the black guy went home skipping, smiling happily.

THE END
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discordia
16 years ago
Spoiler:
two men are sitting in a train compartment. they get into talking and the conversation stirs towards the box beneath the first ones seat, so the other one asks: "so, whats in the box there?"
"a mongoose" the first one replies
"a mongoose?!? what would you need a mongoose for?"
"you see, whenever my friend gets drunk, snakes attack him and thats when i release the mongoose."
"but those are just imaginary snakes"
"ah, you see, thats the trick to it, this is also an imaginary mongoose."



oops...messed it up, huh?
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
lo. maybe the punchline was mongoose?

anyways, Please put all the jokes in Spoilers. You don't want to ruin the fun now, do ya?
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Nate River
16 years ago
:arrow:

Spoiler:
Interviewer asks in America: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Shortage?' What's a 'shortage?'"

Interviewer asks in Poland: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Meat?' What's 'meat?'"

Interviewer asks in Russia: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?

And the reply is... " 'Opinion?' What's an 'opinion?'"

Interviewer asks in Israel: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"

And the reply is... " 'Excuse me?' What's 'excuse me?'"
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
lol. another total lameass joke. GOOD JOB!
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Nate River
16 years ago
Uzumaki101 wrote...
lol. another total lameass joke. GOOD JOB!


:arrow:

that depends, what's ur definition of a "good" joke?
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
Nate River wrote...
Uzumaki101 wrote...
lol. another total lameass joke. GOOD JOB!


:arrow:

that depends, what's ur definition of a "good" joke?


Good jokes are good. But bad to lameass jokes are usually the ones accepted here in this thread.
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discordia
16 years ago
Spoiler:
(female) teacher: "there are five birds on a tree. a hunter comes and shoots two down, how many are left?"
bobby: "none. the other 3 fly away after hearing the shot"
t: "that wasnt the answer i was looking for but i like the way you think"
b: "i too have a question for you. there are three women sitting on a bench, the first one is licking her icecream, the second one is sucking her icecream and the third one is eating her icecream. which one is married?"
t(blushingly): "Eh, the one sucking the icecream?"
b: nope, the one with the wedding ring, but i like the way you think.
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Nate River
16 years ago
Uzumaki101 wrote...
Nate River wrote...
Uzumaki101 wrote...
lol. another total lameass joke. GOOD JOB!


:arrow:

that depends, what's ur definition of a "good" joke?


Good jokes are good. But bad to lameass jokes are usually the ones accepted here in this thread.


:arrow:

that's a ....um, a very "logical" reply.

Spoiler:
CSH commands jokes

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"
^D
"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
GET A LIFE!

% make fire
Make: Don't know how to make fire. Stop.
% why not?
No match.

% sleep with me
bad character

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans
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Uzumaki101
16 years ago
Lol. nice^^

Spoiler:
Kid 1:My grandfather is the best Hunter! He killed a duck in one shot!

Kid 2: That doesn't compare to my grandfather! He killed two Ducks in one Shot!

Kid 3: Your grandfathers are so lame! My grandfather killed 3 ducks without shooting them!

Kid 1&2: What?! How is that possible!

Kid 3: Easy! He stole the ducks from your grandfathers!

Kid 1: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kid 2: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kid 3: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Kid 1,2&3: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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