Male Privilege

As I said last time, part of male privilege is all of the things that guys take for granted, like personal safety. Women, on the whole, don’t pose a physical threat to men; while there will always be individual exceptions, the average male is larger, stronger and heavier than the average woman. In practical terms, this means that the average man is fully capable of overpowering the average woman with relative ease… and women are very aware of this fact. Women have to gauge every interaction with men, especially men they don’t know, on whether or not he presents a threat to her. This is the unspoken subtext for every time a guy talks to a girl, sends a Facebook friend request or asks her out.

Just about every woman out there knows somebody -a friend, a family member, someone – in their immediate circle who has been threatened, taken advantage of or assaulted… if they haven’t been themselves. Think about that for a second.

Because women live in a state of near-constant threat awareness, they are far more cued in to the slight clues that hint at potential danger than guys are. Because the stakes are much higher for women than they are for men, women are more sensitized to these little hints, which can lead to false-positives. That guy who stares too hard and lingers around her long after he’s worn out his welcome may not actually intend to make her uncomfortable, but she has no way of knowing this; it’s far safer to allow for the wrong impression than it is to ignore the signs when someone actually does mean her harm.

Guys – who don’t have to do this mental calculus on an almost hourly basis – are frequently unaware of this issue. They’re often ignorant of just what it is they’re doing that sends all the wrong signals. In fact, because they don’t live with the same omnipresent threat that women do, they’re frequently offended by the idea that it’s their behavior that creeps girls out. Because they don’t (or won’t) address the issue, the behavior continues.

And don’t think that girls won’t talk about it. Every girl has a story about creepers she has met… and she will be sure to share that information with all of her friends.

I was in Chicago this summer when some guy attempted to molest me on a train. I had seen him at the station and made a one sentence comment on a map to him. I assume he decided "these maps are so confusing" translated to "I want to sex you up. Take me now". Despite the fact that there were many seats open, he sat next to me and blocked me in next to a window. For men that don't know this, THAT IS SCARY AS HELL! I'm claustrophobic and weaker then all of you. If I feel trapped, I PANIC and assume the worst. In this case, it was totally justified.

I tried to be friendly and talk to him. He was terrible at holding a conversation and just kept sneaking glances at me. Every anwser I got out of him was no more than 5 words. The longest one was "I'm a cook at a restaurant". The only questions he asked me the entire time were "What's your name? What do you do? What train will you be taking home this evening". RED FLAG MUCH?![/b] For the record, I lied and lied hard about my travel arrangements.

I was wearing a school length skort, sneakers, a t-shirt and a sweat shirt. He kept letting his hand bump against my thigh. I also had my engagement ring on. I had TOLD him I was getting married in one month and staying with friends in Chicago AS THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THE CONVERSATION.

By this time the conversation had stopped and I was trying to read a magazine. The first time his hand bumped my thigh, I thought it was a mistake and moved over to give him more space. The second time I was suspicious, scared and pissed. The third time was full palm and fingers on thigh, not just a bump. I JUMPED away from him and smashed myself into the train's window to get away. I was panicking and about to punch him. As I worked up the courage to tell this guy "I'm going to need you to stop touching me", I was saved.

Just then, the man guy in front of me struck up a conversation with me about my job. He kept asking me for professional advice. I don't know if he felt his seat shake from my not so subtle recoiling jump, but he saved me for sure. I was elated and spewed out information at a whirlwind pace. As soon as someone else was watching, the "accidental" bumping stopped. Eventually the creeper got off the train and I thanked heaven.

I am still am scared to ride by myself again. I know the whole scenario could have been MUCH worse and I am terrified I might run into creeper McCreeper. If he can't even take "getting married" as a hint that I don't want his nasty hands palming my thigh, then how is he supposed to understand "no means no".

I've always thought it was bullshit how girls in hentai are thinking 'oh no, I'm being molested, someone help!' but not saying anything. When it really happens to you, you're scared to say anything. You don't want to accuse an innocent man of molesting you. You don't want to make a scene and disturb others. You can barely think anything except "HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP!"

All that said, as pissed and upset as I was, my plan was to say "Hey, you're bumping against my thigh a lot" just in case he really was that stupid and didn't notice that his ENTIRE HAND was on my thigh. What I wanted to to which involved a right hook to his face. Obviously, had he continued there would have been much screaming and calling for a conductor. I was able to deal with the situation, but I'm relieved I didn't have too.

There is a big part of me that is still pissed at myself for not reporting him. What if he does it to someone else? I'd never forgive myself. Worse yet, I have been told numerous (7 that I've counted) that I look like I'm 16-18 not 24 years old. What if he does this to a real 16 year old. I feel so stupid!

That kind of stuff is fine in hentai, not cool in real life