Age of Anarchy: Dawn in Blood

So after a long wait, finally a continuation.

Synopsis: I hate it. I hate synopses in general.

Prologue



Heedless?



Too little?

Huh. So right after the synopsis about the King protecting his throne, he's found to be dead. I'm starting to wonder just who's struggling against who in this story.

1



What's that '?



There.



Missing a 'the' methinks.

Hmm. After getting used to Ryxor and Vanen, this change of pace doesn't feel very welcome. The story is greatly told as usual, but hey, an immature queen is less awesome than arm made of fire.

I wasn't going to put a synopsis, but I figured some people might want one, so those people get one even if outright lies to them :)



Referring to Vin's order to seal the palace. At that point, it won't do any good.



My intention is to make each arc as self contained as possible. I also want Age of Anarchy as a whole to focus on a larger group of characters than just the same ones every time. If you don't likes queens as much as fire arms, then I don't know what to tell you. For now, Cyrus is the only character I intend to focus on in The Great Game that even uses energy.

If you want more Ryxor and Vanen though, don't worry. They'll be back. They just have absolutely nothing to do with this arc.

Hmm. It seems that you're following a strictly chronological order of telling things, that may be why your shifting between arcs is so apparent.

And feels so alienating to the older characters too. Less of a mess, I agree, but how alienating it feels irks me a little. Well no matter, in the end it's the story that makes people read, not the pieces that move it about.

Chronology is not that main thing I'm adhering to here. I had originally intended these arcs to be separate stories entirely with little connections to each other. As I've said before, I'm still trying to keep each arc as self-contained as possible. The main deciding factor when one arc will end and another will begin is how complete it feels. Damn. I feel like I'm talking kinda big for having only just begun on the second arc. I hope I'm not jinxing myself.

There will be references to the other characters and the events that we've already seen and maybe even to some events we haven't yet, so it's not like these are gonna be huge chunks of story that are disconnected from each other. I hope. I guess we'll see if it turns out the way I want it to, and hopefully you'll feel less irked.

Oh no no, don't worry about me being irked. To me if something triggers enough impression for me to feel anything beyond "eh crap not worth my time" then I'm glad. Especially those good ones that make me stay, all the better.

I'm just somewhat against the self-contained approach since I see it as risky. The more self-contained the arcs are, the harder it becomes to connect them into a single overarching story. I'm curious to see how would you pull it off.

And dammit, write faster. Rofl.

Missing period/coma.



Minor typo.



It, methinks.



...and it will be hard for this guy to ever be liked by me again.



Huh same Camilla as above?



I'm not sure about this way of talking.



T needs italicization too.



Typo.

Hmm. The order of the events are quite confusing. Took some time to get it sorted. Other than that a well-written chapter as usual, though I find myself rather apathetic with many characters in this chapter and arc in general.

Well, shit. I was going for no typos and I had more than last time.



Why is that?



This chapter was supposed to be confusing in a way, so I guess that's a good thing unless it was frustratingly confusing.



Is it the sudden switch between the main characters, or is there something you just don't like about them?

I dislike the inconsistency in him. That he did it means that was a decent distraction, to him at that time at least. But the moment someone disapproved him, he said something contrary to that fact. As if it was himself that he needed to convince. While that is a normal behavior, I still don't find it likable. Especially in someone of high standing like him.



It is frustrating, not in how it was too queer to sort out, but in how I couldn't see why you chose to tell the events in that particular order. Since some of them lead directly to the other, and they are not far in temporal distance, I find it hard to imagine a good reason to jumble them up.



Something of both. The switch, while still frustrating, is something one can quickly get used to. But the main characters in this arc just feel lacking compared to the past one. I can't find the right words, but I feel quite strongly that Felix, Evelyn and Vin (this guy has some potential though) have nothing that comes close to what Ryxor, Vanen and Russell have. The latter have a sense of clarity to them, while the former so far scream just immaturity.

Well, one of the main issues both Felix and Evelyn are dealing with is pressure to fit their roles. Evelyn is trying her hardest to do it and Felix is trying his hardest to not do it. Though "immaturity" isn't the word I would have used to describe them, I guess it does fit.



Ah. What supposed to be going on is Felix did find it to be a good distraction and is angry that his father has made him stop, so that's his retort in his mind to make himself feel better. Wow, when I describe it like that, it really does just make him sound immature. Basically, it's sarcasm. I guess I didn't do too good of a job in that scene.



The main reason I put the scenes in that order is because that's just the order I wanted to reveal that information in. The way I see it, the chronology of the scenes isn't what's important in that chapter.

It starts out with a scene that ends on a big question: What do the Merry Men want with Vin? Then we get to know a bit about the Merry Men, who they are exactly and I introduce Felix, all of which are pieces of the answer that's revealed at the end: Felix is the leader and he's trying to help Evelyn by finding the killer.

Well, at least Felix is not as bad as Evelyn, the way I see it. Though that might just be because I just saw him, while I had a load of Evelyn from the last arc.



Rofl I wouldn't say it's you doing a bad job, I think it's just the character.



I guessed it to be so, but...



It still feels queer. I tried rearranging the sections to be more chronological and with the way you wrote it, it still flows in a roughly similar manner, admittedly with slightly less suspense. But in this case I think you're losing more than what you get, considering that it isn't terribly difficult to guess that Felix is into Evelyn one way or another.

If it's the character then I still did a bad job. It's just a different job.



That part is supposed to be obvious.



Eh, I rearranged it in chronological order and I still kinda like the other way better. I'll leave it the way it is for now. Maybe if I got more feedback from other people . . .

Therefore, it shan't be surprising that he does it!

...though I fear the reason he's doing it is rather petty. Evelyn, crappy as she was, at least had a sound reason for wanting it done.



Rofl we both suffer from this problem.

I couldn't even tell how it looked like I was talking to myself, so nothing to worry about. Besides, it does look neater so that's good.

And it's not nearly as crazy as what I'm considering to do.

Will do the reading some time later as I'm quite salty at the moment.

I did say "may or may not." I actually never looked.

Oh wow. I don't entirely like Rhuaidri either but this is pushing it up to eleven.



This far down for a typo. Damn.



Something sounds off.



Name day?

This Sentinel is using his rights right. I dislike him but I approve. Keep this up, now it gets interesting. Curious to see a pillar of ice being slugged into Felix's ass.

Ye olde fantasy talk for birthday.



Unfortunately, you will be disappointed to some degree.

Even better. Surprise me.

Behold, a symbol I devoted the last two hours of my life to creating. It's significance shall become apparent in like 3 or 4 story arcs . . . Here's to hoping I stick it out that long.

...a duck getting out of its burning egg?

A duck!? Does that beak look like a bill to you? It's a phoenix curled up in the shape of a fire drop. The lines in the middle are its left wing, the lines above that are its right wing and the lines at the bottom of the drop are its tail. The beak is closest to that of a crane. When I was looking at pictures of phoenixes on google, there was no particular shape that people seemed to agree on. You do not know your birds, damn it!