Age of Anarchy: Dawn in Blood

d(^_^)(^_^)d · 2013-05-10T20:29:08+00:00

It's been a long time, but here's the next part of Age of Anarchy. According to the files on my computer, I first started writing this part back in July of 2014. I've actually had it done for the most part for a while now, but I wasn't too happy with how it turned out, so I just let it sit until recently when I remembered that this is a forum where you post things to get feedback on them. I know, it's crazy, right? Since when has there ever been a forum where you can post things for feedback? Anyway, the first post of this topic is still broken for me, and I don't feel like making a new topic, so despite the fact that the subtitle of the topic is still A Knife in the Dark, this new part is actually titled Dawn in Blood. First post is fixed. I only had to literally delete the whole thing. I'll put the other story arcs on google docs hopefully sometime soon, when I get the courage to shift through nearly 500 pages of stuff. Okay. I don't think it's reasonable to expect me to have that done in the near the future. Dawn In Blood takes place roughly around the same time as the previous part and follows Vanen Travis who returns to his hometown to take over as lord. He expects to have an easy time with it, however he soon realizes that isn't the case as he butts heads with his sister who had been ruling in his absence, and as a case of human trafficking comes up, it isn't long before he finds himself longing to get back out there and fight. Note: If you've read previous parts, the source of magic in this universe had the generic label of energy. As of now, it is called Oracum. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZoYxdJ6L0Yhvf1DZXzh3fHCt_-YlQtVUTnAjnPSGWVU/edit?usp=sharing While viewing the doc, you can press Ctrl+Alt+A+H for an outline of the chapters.

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mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Your fire drop looks too much like an egg. So the first birds that came to mind were duck or chicken being barbecued alive... similar to balut.

Even when you tell me it's phoenix it's still balut in my eyes.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

It's a beautiful phoenix that has just died and is being reborn, and you are insulting it. Go die.

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Reborn? Now the egg makes sense. :3

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

It's not an egg!

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Age of Balut Anarchy, second arc part 4!

It can't have been for nothing. Think! He used to be Alistair Draco’s damned bodyguard. The King died on his watch. What if wants to find the assassin just as much as we do? What if . . .

Missing a he, I'm sure.

“Okay, that’s it! We’re just going to kill you and have done with it. The end.”

Be?

Felix trailed off. An arm made from writhing flames materialized from the empty space where the one made of flesh should have been. The heat alone made him back away.

RYXOR FIERY BORX. I MISS THOU. Why did he left them free by the way?

Seriously, this series need a Ryxor vs Cyrus at some point. With epic climate-changing battle at some island.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

He didn't let them go for free. He beat the shit out of them first.

Seriously, this series need a Ryxor vs Cyrus at some point. With epic climate-changing battle at some island.

Hmmm . . . Maybe.

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Oh yeah. On second thought, it'd be weirder if he captured them.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

Yeah. Ryxor's appearance in this arc is meant to be more of a cameo, not something that would have any lasting effects. Besides, it would just feel cheap to me if he came out of nowhere, advanced the plot, and then left again.

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Finally got the motivation to read.

5

And a lord general, of course, my downfall in the end out his hands.

I don't get this sentence.

It was only know that she realized she knew nothing.

Typo.

6

She made a quick bow before hurrying after her Felix.

HER Felix. Aww. <3

“Imagine my surprise when he catches up to me, frggin’ icicles sticking through him.”

Typo.

If anyone asks, be sure to them I said so.”

Uhh...

Joel Salerno tsked when Felix’s only reply was to glare at him.

No ice spears up the ass. Bad chapters.

Now gimme the next ones.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

Edits made. Lack of ice spears aside, did you really not like them? Do you still not like Felix or Evelyn at all either?

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

Nah, they were good chapters. The writing is at the level I'd expect from you and the plot proceeds smoothly as well. Nothing bad with it.

Evelyn, I came to like her slightly more. Nothing likeable with her, I think she sucks ass at being a queen, but the country is a crappy one and so I find her to be the best candidate for the role, aside from Rhuaidri but that doesn't seem like it'll ever happen. Other candidates are... Dalton? Joel? Evelyn please. If my choices are limited to shit but pretty queen or shit and old men, with some seemingly evil intentions to boot, I'll pick the queen. Not to mention that her ineptness is one of the reasons why she is a better candidate in my eyes, as even if she is evil (which she doesn't seem to be) she ain't gonna be able to carry the intentions out. That can't be said about Dalton and co.

Felix is less likable. Nothing too unusual, just more of him which I dislike and so I dislike it more! But still, it's a kind of dislike that makes me read on so that's alright. In fact, keep it up. Just be sure to have some ice spears up his ass eventually.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

Goddamn it. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it. Evelyn has almost no likeable qualities. Felix on the other hand . . . I still don't understand why you don't like that guy.

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

she's hot. that part i think i can be sure of. not sure i would tolerate her attitude in close proximity but hey, as i said, she's an okay doll-ruler.

felix on the other hand is just... annoying, i guess. he lacks the gravitas expected of a noble. a lot like Fayrs in that, just that he doesnt seem to be sure of what he wants.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

felix on the other hand is just... annoying, i guess. he lacks the gravitas expected of a noble. a lot like Fayrs in that, just that he doesnt seem to be sure of what he wants.

Oh, really? That's actually exactly what I'm going for with him. He's a person born to play a role he doesn't fit in, but even Felix himself doesn't know what he truly wants. Whether or not he figures it out is something that will be answered at the end of The Great Game (I hope). Annoying though . . . not what I was going for.

Jericho Antares FAKKU Writer

11 years ago

Breaks my heart that I don't have the time to read these longer works anymore. I'll drop by and give this a read when I have the time, but Mibu seems to be delightfully present so I'm sure you won't be wanting.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

Jericho Antares wrote...

Lol. Do give it a read if you find yourself with nothing better to do. Btw, I'd read the stuff you post, but most of them are poems, and I don't really like poems. Also don't know much about them, so it's not like I could even read them just for the sake of giving a critical opinion.

Jericho Antares FAKKU Writer

11 years ago

No worries, man, I was the same way not too long ago. Truth be told I don't even know what caused the transition I've made from short stories to poems. Oh well. Anyway with some luck I'll be able to throw my two cents in some time soon, and with some more luck I'll have even more content to sink my teeth into.

CoffeePrince

11 years ago

This is a great read. I've only gotten through the prologue and 1st chapter, but it has a very game of thrones feel to it.

mibuchiha Fakku Elder

11 years ago

d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...

He's a person born to play a role he doesn't fit in, but even Felix himself doesn't know what he truly wants.

I know. A hot steamy session with Cyrus, after which he walks out with an ice spear from his ass. Or probably Camilla.

On a more serious note, I don't really know why he's annoying, I just think he is. Less so than Evelyn but he has nothing else going unlike her.

d(^_^)(^_^)d

11 years ago

There will not be ice of any kind, shape or form up anyone's butt no matter how nicely you or anyone else asks.

CoffeePrince wrote...

This is a great read. I've only gotten through the prologue and 1st chapter, but it has a very game of thrones feel to it.

Thanks!

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