FAKKU Writers' Lounge
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Revelation wrote...
This thread is like herpes, as soon as you kill it and forget about it, it comes back.You've been trying to kill this thread? How dare you!
RavenxSinon wrote...
Just noticed I haven't introduced myself here in the Writers' Lounge yet. Hi everyone! I'll be under everyone's care. *bow* Hey. It's nice to see a new face, but if you're expecting me to take care of you, I'm afraid you might be disappointed.
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d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Hey. It's nice to see a new face, but if you're expecting me to take care of you, I'm afraid you might be disappointed.Understood, tsun-senpai! :3
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
RavenxSinon wrote...
Just noticed I haven't introduced myself here in the Writers' Lounge yet. Hi everyone! I'll be under everyone's care. *bow*Welcome lol, glad to see you make your way over here!
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HimariNaruse
Bandit of Cake
I'd like to introduce myself, my name is Himari; my account is relatively new but I've been around Fakku in the past.
I'm thinking of starting out in the writing section with some short stories that I have in mind sometime in the future.
I'm thinking of starting out in the writing section with some short stories that I have in mind sometime in the future.
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xninebreaker wrote...
RavenxSinon wrote...
Just noticed I haven't introduced myself here in the Writers' Lounge yet. Hi everyone! I'll be under everyone's care. *bow*Welcome lol, glad to see you make your way over here!
Glad to be here! :3
HimariNaruse wrote...
I'd like to introduce myself, my name is Himari; my account is relatively new but I've been around Fakku in the past.I'm thinking of starting out in the writing section with some short stories that I have in mind sometime in the future.
From one new member to another, welcome! I'll be looking forward to your works! :D
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HimariNaruse
Bandit of Cake
RavenxSinon wrote...
From one new member to another, welcome! I'll be looking forward to your works! :D
Thanks and I'll keep a look out for yours too!
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mibuchiha wrote...
Oh god. I'm writing so slow.I feel like I should say something about that, but I have nothing to say except pick up the pace I guess.
If I finish the current story I'm working on before you put out another chapter, then you screwed up. How about that?
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mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
mibuchiha wrote...
Oh god. I'm writing so slow.I feel like I should say something about that, but I have nothing to say except pick up the pace I guess.
If I finish the current story I'm working on before you put out another chapter, then you screwed up. How about that?
If it will be as long as AoA, then I really doubt it. So I'm in.
But if it will have like, 2 - 3 chapters left, then I guess you will probably do. I'm halfway into 16, or so.
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
mibuchiha wrote...
Oh god. I'm writing so slow.I feel like I should say something about that, but I have nothing to say except pick up the pace I guess.
If I finish the current story I'm working on before you put out another chapter, then you screwed up. How about that?
Almost a year waiting for Aize!
Revelation wrote...
Sigh... I haven't posted anything in months...It's okay, I like to call it posting at a relaxing pace.
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mibuchiha wrote...
If it will be as long as AoA, then I really doubt it. So I'm in.But if it will have like, 2 - 3 chapters left, then I guess you will probably do. I'm halfway into 16, or so.
I only have 2-3 chapters left, but I'm moving at a pace of 1 a week.
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mibuchiha
Fakku Elder
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
mibuchiha wrote...
If it will be as long as AoA, then I really doubt it. So I'm in.But if it will have like, 2 - 3 chapters left, then I guess you will probably do. I'm halfway into 16, or so.
I only have 2-3 chapters left, but I'm moving at a pace of 1 a week.
Oh god wtf. Make it more realistic please. 1 chapter per months already sounds ridiculous.
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mibuchiha wrote...
Oh god wtf. Make it more realistic please. 1 chapter per months already sounds ridiculous.In your defense, your chapters do tend to be much longer than mine. I think mine usually range anywhere from 2000 to 5000 words while yours on the other hand are 5000 minimum (for Story of Kierre at least).
Even taking that into account though, if you're already halfway done, then you have less to go than I do unless the chapter you're working on is freakishly huge. Also, I have 5 classes to worry about now, so you can't use being busy as an excuse.
I may end up taking more than 3 chapters depending on how it all plays out. I have a general idea of how it ends, but we'll see.
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Soooooo....something I was working on,
it's not done but yeah....
read if ya wanna good laugh or something |3
Rainbow gets Rocked.
Featuring princess Celestia, and Rainbow Dash.
Genre: Yuri, Big Boobs
it's not done but yeah....
read if ya wanna good laugh or something |3
Rainbow gets Rocked.
Featuring princess Celestia, and Rainbow Dash.
Genre: Yuri, Big Boobs
Spoiler:
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grimmwolf wrote...
Soooooo....something I was working on,it's not done but yeah....
read if ya wanna good laugh or something |3
Rainbow gets Rocked.
Featuring princess Celestia, and Rainbow Dash.
Genre: Yuri, Big Boobs
I don't like lemons; I don't like MLP, so . . . yeah. This isn't really my thing, like at all. If you want though, I could provide some general feedback.
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d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
grimmwolf wrote...
Soooooo....something I was working on,it's not done but yeah....
read if ya wanna good laugh or something |3
Rainbow gets Rocked.
Featuring princess Celestia, and Rainbow Dash.
Genre: Yuri, Big Boobs
I don't like lemons; I don't like MLP, so . . . yeah. This isn't really my thing, like at all. If you want though, I could provide some general feedback.
Different strokes for different folks eh?
Sure go right ahead my good sir |3
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grimmwolf wrote...
Different strokes for different folks eh?Sure go right ahead my good sir |3
Beginning in the front of canterlot high school building....
You don't need to use words like 'beginning' when establishing a scene. Feel free to jump right in with something that describes the setting.
"hey, did you hear about student3?" said student1 as he and student2 nears the entrance.
You mentioned you aren't finished. I'm assuming you're going to have actual names when you do.
For what it is, I think the dialogue serves its purpose of informing the reader of what the story's about it but nothing more. Were this a more serious story, I would avoid this kind of exchange between characters. It's clearly there for exposition, and there are usually better ways to bring readers in to what's going on.
The school bell goes off signaling the end of another school day.
Going back to establishing scenes, this sentence does a much better job of it than the one from the first scene. It mentions the school bell going off at the end of the day, and we instantly know where we're at and the approximate time of day, and you relate that information without directly stating it.
Everyone leaves except for rainbow dash as she goes to the girls shower room.
I'm going to use this sentence as an opportunity to point out that you aren't capitalizing characters' names, which is confusing. Once again though, I'm going to assume that won't be an issue in the finished story.
A couple paragraphs later, we find out Rainbow Dash is taking a shower because she was playing sports. Given that much, I question why she's alone in the shower room. Was there no one else in the entire school who wanted to play sports?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the way you described this story, I imagine it as just a fun little thing. Taking that into consideration, all these little details aren't that much of a problem, but I still think it's something to be aware of.
While she was working on herself, celest was in pursuit of her new plaything
Does 'herself' refer to Rainbow Dash or Celest?